Fucking Emo Boys, and fucking emo boys

What a fucking miserable fucking day. This weather's awful. Ugh. And I was wearing capris yesterday!

Update on my life: It sucks.

Haha no, I lie. Let's think. Last time I updated was last Thursday? Alright.

Friday I went to Anna's because Chris left and she is now a foreign widow as I like to call us. You know, when you're ditched by your lover because they're foreign and need to go back home. Like Aeneas and Dido, but without the suicide. 

Saturday and Sunday was work work work. Saturday was busy. Sunday was not - I didn't make a sub until four and a half hours into my shift. Hahaha. 

I managed to finish the music hall essay over the weekend. Finished it at midnight on Sunday evening, actually... had been working on it from Friday evening, with breaks to go to work obviously. I was so relieved. Not only am I DONE all my papers, but Surtees decided not to give us anymore quizzes or assignments. 

So what do I have left? Finishing up Latin and Greek lessons, doing flash cards, a Latin test Wednesday, and a myth test on Thyestes also on Wednesday. Which is really not so bad at all! 

Then exams... I am frightened. Just for 1050, really. Three-hour behemoth of an exam. I just want a 70 in that course really. A 70 will make me happy. 

This weekend is my last weekend of work at Subway. Huzzah. Except that Susy hasn't gotten back to me in a while about the job in the SAS. I'll perhaps send her an email tomorrow. 

I have a chai latte, because I am very sad today. Yesterday I was just very hateful but today is sad. I feel pathetic and fat and ugly and am shocked I haven't gained any weight in the last three months considering all the stress-eating I've been doing. Earlier this week I ate a fucking POP TART. Scratch that, two of them. Ugh. AND I had Chinese food yesterday for really no reason at all. Like, why? 

Well, I know why. Peter issues, obviously. I don't know how things are working out. They seem fine now, actually. He got accepted to university Tuesday and he called me before he called anyone else. I wonder what that means? I even helped him pick his courses, which are super spiffy. I miss him though. He's in Halkidiki with Xandros and Patrizia and, yes, his new girlfriend. I'm not sure how I feel about that. He said he's going to be, you know, "honest" with her. What does THAT mean? Is he going to tell he's a masochist? I'm sure that will go over well. 

He should just lie and have one of those Normal lives.

So I have a chai latte from Second Cup but even that's annoying because the guy who looks like Peter was working today and I thought that was pretty funny when I was still with Peter, but now that I'm not it's not funny to see him at all. It is just sad. You could tell he was tired and he even got all squinty the same way Peter does when he's been up for a few days. Fuck my life. But the chai lattes are so worth it. 

Lost was on last night. Season finale. So freaking epic, and Sayid didn't die. I am happy. Ish. At least about that.

This Week (yes, Week) started out being rather frustrating. Now it is just miserable. 

I got a thong in the mail. As part of my birthday gift from the Koufises. I am slightly disturbed. Mom said, "Maybe Aunt Adrie thinks you're at the age when you should start wearing them." Ha! I'd rather go commando. Anyway what's the use of having nice underwear when no one will see them? My sex life will be the Sahara desert from now til forever. 

Really a pity, because Peter's hair must be getting longer now, AND he has his nipples pierced. And is probably getting all nice and tanned as I type this.

Thanks, life. Thanks a lot. 

Twilight omens in my life

Wow. It's only been a week and I'm updating again. Am I getting better at this? Yes, yes I am.

So. Um. Let me think. What's been up? Who knows.

I quit my job last Saturday. Indeed. Even though Ray is not here. I told Aruna flat-out. My last day is May 17th. And I swear, Saturday really solidified my decision to leave. Not only was the story kind of messy in an annoying way, but we had to make three large sub platters for 1:30. That's 21 freaking subs. I had to make three whole sets of bread that morning! Scary moment Sunday morning though... totally forgot to turn the chiller on for the meat counter? O_O Luckily everything was still at temp and I managed to get it working as usual. Oof, scary moment!!!

Also, I finished the Aeneid essay over the weekend. Worked on it Saturday and Sunday evenings. Put my final touches on it yesterday.

Monday was beautiful and fantastic. I don't remember much about the actual day but after class I didn't go home. Aunt Mary picked me up and we went out to the Happy Greek for dinner, which was nice. I love Aunt Mary because she's wicked awesome. Then we went down to Kool Haus for the Franz Ferdinand concert! I gots myself a tshirt, rawr. And the show was just... ah. Ah. Ah.

It was amazing.

I haven't been to many concerts, but that was the best. They are SO good live. They sound exactly the way they do on their albums. Maybe even better, because it's so... RAW. You could hear the emotion in Alex's voice during some of the songs. It was just a really great stress reliever. It was so relaxed, everyone was just dancing... This Fire was the final song of the encore and the energy was incredible. EVERYONE was dancing. It was just a stupendous evening. I'm so glad I went. I took videos too, because Emi is in Ottawa with school so he couldn't come. My videos are alright, but I did find some footage taken by other people who were at the concert and theirs are fantastic. So I can relive that night again and again :D

This week has been a little crazy. Handed in the Latin paper, had a Latin test, had a Greek quiz Monday (which I managed to do well on even though I barely studied), weekly Greek assignment, and trying to finish the reading for this essay on British music halls. It's the last essay of the year, and it's due Tuesday. I finished my reading/ research only last night. I JUST came up with a thesis and outline a few minutes ago. Eek. I'm going to have to buckle down and write this thing.

I am really worried about 1050 in general. I am so unsure of this course and of the exam. I wanted a B+ at the end of the year, but I'm not sure I can manage that. I'm at an A now. Well, if I get A+ in both Latin and Greek (for which I am on pace) and an A in 1105 (for which I am also on pace), then a B in HIST 1050 will still keep me at an 8.0 GPA. Obviously I don't actually NEED to be at the 8.0. But I want to be. I want an A average in my first year of university. And, yes, I want that $2000 scholarship again.

So obviously tonight I should work on my essay. But I don't know if I can. This has not been a good week in terms of things to do with Pete. We've been at each other's throats and it's killing me. I've sunk back into that sort of emotionless state I was at before Peter came around. It feels really nice sometimes. To not care. So free. But then I realize that I still love him and it's just not okay. And I wonder, what happened? Last summer our relationship was so chill. I wish we could go back to that. It was in September when everything started to get so dramatic.

It's too late now though.

It bothers me.

We fought over the phone today. Badly. We didn't get anywhere. No progress. But do we even have a goal? What is the goal? What do I want? What does he want?

He wanted to get back together. I was hesitant. I thought I loved someone else. This week, I realized I didn't. But now Peter's got that girlfriend of his, yet I have no idea how he actually feels about her. He complains about her. Should I pity this girl? Because, I do.

I just didn't know what "getting back together" would mean. I still don't know.

It's hard to deal with everything all at once.

On top of this, Chris is leaving tomorrow or Saturday or something, so Anna's going to be a wreck, and she wants consolation. But I am in no state to give anyone consolation. What am I going to say to her? That I know how it feels? Well, first off she won't believe me because she's like that and thinks she's all alone in every human experience even if it's a common one. Secondly, even if she does believe me, what do I say after that? "Yeah, I know how it feels to have to say goodbye to someone you love and watch your relationship disintegrate into something so inconceivably ugly that you could have never imagined things could turn out that way."

I can't do emotion. And I'm almost offended that she'd ask me to at this point.

False Prophecies

So. I thought I was going to be okay, you know.

Like, I finished the damn Latin paper way early.

I am so not okay. I am swamped. It's ridic.

Also, I seem to have some sort of repetiive strain injury in my right hand. I'm on Tylenol now... one thing after the other! I'd just gotten over the wisdom tooth pain!

Speaking of which, the procedure went alright. Didn't hurt too much. Was awake on Novocaine for the whole thing. I thought it was pretty awesome. I even looked the process up on YouTube later. It's funny that I could feel Dr. Gelfand doing things to my gums but couldn't feel the pain. Also, he's sexy. I just haven't really been able to eat properly since Saturday morning haha. I've been swallowing most of my food whole. Chewing with front teeth is not very effective. At least I have jaw mobility back... earlier in the week I couldn't smile or laugh or talk very well.

Um, Friday I was offered that job in the Faculty of Science at Science Academic Services. Yay. I have to quit Subway this weekend though. Kind of nervous. They're going to spaz for sure because Ray's in India but it's so not my problem anymore. I'm giving my two weeks' notice and that's it.

Monday was a fantastic day. I was outside for five hours with a variety of people... Viki, Reinard, Rita, Andrew, David, and Laura all showed up at some point but Mike and I were there the whole time. We got sunburned haha.

My brain is so jumbly today?

Lost was fantastic last night. But Faraday! *cries*

I've been an emotional mess lately. Things with Peter are not very good, but when were they good? I don't know, he went on that day on Friday with Anastassia and had crappy sex because he's a fucking masochist and she is obviously not a sadist. So he's all frustrated and stuff but he's still seeing her, which I don't understand. He's ranting to me about how terrible it was and how he doesn't think he can have a relationship with her but he's putting on this facade. It's ridiculous. He should just be honest with her, but I guess it's hard. BDSM can get really complicated. I think I'm already fed up of dealing with it. Like, can I give up now? I'll just never have sex again, honest. I'll abstain from all whippy floggy chokey hurty things for the rest of my life!

I'm hungry. Ugh.

I slept four hours last night. I could have gotten four and a half hours of sleep but I had something that required immediate attention after I'd packed up my books. Okay, so it wasn't that important but I was frustrated.

We are all frustrated.

Sexually.

Yeah. Four months and four days. Okay, okay. I am fine. Not. Not fine. MUST REPRESS ALL HUMAN NEEDS!!!!

There's a really attractive guy darting about my life giving me this sort of false hope thing. But I don't know if it's false. But I don't get it and my brain is being very high school about it. And things are really really weird lately. Like, different. He's acting DIFFERENT. And there are moments that are tense and awkward and I'm not sure why but I know it's not me doing anything that's making things like this.

I don't know. I don't know.

All I know is that I really want him on so many levels all at once. Mainly intellectually and emotionally, actually.

I rambled a lot about a lot of bad things...

Mit dir bin ich auch allein

What a semi-lovely day.

I got to sleep in for an extra hour. Well, that was because of a funeral that Mom and Dad went to, but it's still a good thing.

Pan and Hari and Georgie came to visit me for a bit. It was good to see them.

Lecture was alright... I like McPherson's lectures.

I feel very alone though. And so angry about so many things.

This negative energy has its highs and lows. At times it makes me uber productive. At other times, it makes me want to lie down on the floor, glassy-eyed, Marpesian marbled, angry at the Moirai.

The latter, though? Not in my best interests.

I really need a de-stressing session.

P.S. Fuck my life

Exam schedule just came out a few minutes ago.

Here's mine.

AS/GK 1000 6.0
Saturday 23 May 2009, 8:30-10:30
Steadman Lecture Hall E

AS/LA 1000 6.0
Wednesday 27 May 2009, 12:00 - 2:00
Steadman Lecture Hall E

AS/HIST 1050 6.0
Sunday 24 May 2009, 12:00 - 3:00
Tait Mackenzie Student Fieldhouse East


Yep. Yep. That's right. Not ONLY do I have an exam at 8:fucking30 on a Saturday morning in STEADMAN LECTURE HALL (DEATHHHH), but I have an exam the NEXT DAY at NOON which gives me BARELY ANY TIME TO STUDY.

Then Latin on the 27th which isn't so bad.

There's one listed for Myth though, which is lame because we shouldn't have an exam for that course. I just emailed Fisher about it.

Also, why is the history one three-hours long? AND WHY IS IT IN TAIT? Kill meeeeee.

This is going to be a bad week.

I know this because Tyler knows this.

Haha I kid.

It's not going to be very nice though.

Getting my wisdom teeth out.
Getting my period.
Zio Amarino died yesterday.
My favourite jeans are tight.
I failed yesterday's Greek quiz.
Peter and I got into a massive fight last night.
I'm in love.
The weather fucking sucks.
I have too much reading to do for history.
I don't have a summer job yet.
Latin is becoming incomprehensible.
Alterna's bank machine is not working so I cannot deposit my paycheque or withdraw money, which I need to eat lunch, and also to pay for a fucking chai latte because I fucking want one. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck.

I need therapy.

Or a hug.

Or someone to torture with some nice hurty things for an hour or so.

This sucks mostly because last week was so excellent. Weather was beautiful, I finished the Aeneid, finished the Latin paper, no Latin class Wednesday, no Greek class Friday, skipped Wednesday's myth lecture because of a guest speaker and just enjoyed my friends, Lost was wicked cool, I slept a bit more than usual (except for Wednesday, I was up til 2 a.m. that night which was uber fun).

There are I think five weeks left of classes, and then exams (speaking of which, the schedule is up today, thanks for reminding me... yes, I just thanked myself). I can't wait til this is over. It was a good year, sure, but tumultuous. Really fucked up. Between all the emotional crap and the fucking strike, I am getting a little annoyed by now. It's hard to still have such a long way to go when some people are actually already DONE.

...then I will do it all over again starting June 8. Tralala summer school. At least it's just one course.

Also I figure it's worth mentioning that Peter wrote his exams last week and probably got into A.U.Th. Good for him. He wanted me to help pick his courses. I spent a lot of time trying to understand the Greek university system just to help him out but now that probably does really mean shit all.

:)

Bright sunshiney day. NOT.

Fuck you.

Down to the wire...

... for the next month and a half.

Insanely busy. It is too much.

But things are well. On the 27th I hung out with my true loves, got drunk, and had a fab time at Rocky. That was a good weekend because I got money from my extended fam :D

Saw Justin on Saturday :D He came by at around 8, left at a quarter to midnight.

Have a lot to do now though. Just posting to confirm aliveness.

Also, I am on Twitter these days, which I update way more often.

www.twitter.com/jjjjeah

I'm actually not dead

Just piled with work. But I am alive and kicking! And in the Student Centre (which is currently being decorated for York's birthday) with a chai latte. Rawr.

So. Things. Last Monday was my birthday! I got the iPod clock radio I had been planning to buy. Thanks parents! It's actually gorgeous, I effing love it. It functions as an excellent stereo as well so it's totally wicked. Emi bought me some orgasmic body spray too - lime coconut and mango mandarin. We went out for dinner at Kelsey's that night and I had a lime daiquiri. The lovely and nice waiter brought me molten lava cake that was fresh baked and delicious despite the fact that I hate chocolate. Dio also sang me happy birthday that day. And was all hippy and asked me to drink his blood. I can't remember the circumstances, just that I love him!

Last Tuesday I was assigned a mammoth 20% essay by my dear Colin, who stops being dear when he piles on the work. However the topics were really interesting. I'm doing mine on British Music Hall. I have books and excellent articles. Might do well on it. I hope so!

Got my Iliad paper back last Wednesday. Got an A? Yes I did. Go me! I was ecstatic.

I understand Latin lately. Except that I have to start learning the fourth principal part. Argh. Lucius, tuus pater sum! Yes, I just said Luke I am your father in Latin. Anyway, we had a test Monday, on which I received a 95. Niceh niceh. My lowest so far is an 87.

I understand Greek contract verbs now. But froze during the quiz on Monday. I don't think I did very well on it but the important thing is that I get it now. The Greek third declension? No so much. I'm working on it though.

I don't know what else to say. I worked last weekend? It was an alright weekend but I was exhausted as I was up til 11 doing work Friday.

This weekend will be crazy. Schedule:
- Tomorrow night = Rocky Horror @ the Bloor with Anna, Edie, Jared, and Chris. This will involve drinking.
- Saturday morning (FUCKING EARLY) = getting picked up by Dad
- Saturday evening = fucktard family coming over for mine and Emi's birthday
- Sunday morning = work bright and early at 8 a.m.
- Sunday afternoon/ evening = going to see Christina for her 25th
- Sunday night = passed out dead from lack of oxygen and/or sleep

As you can see, I am booked booked booked. People don't believe me when they say I have no time. Therefore I have been attempting to get more homework done during this week.

Actually, right now I should be either reading Antigone or working on the Latin paper on Horace which is due May 4th. Eh. Everyone needs a break? Well, I don't have class til 11:30 today and then it's just for an hour so I should be alright.

What else? I can't remember everything, but the nub and gist of what should come next is that I fucking love my friends.

Hopelessly, I'll love you endlessly

Things. Thingie things.

Things have been okay? I think.

School is school. Not much happened this week other than I probably bombed Thursday's 1050 midterm. *sigh* I love passive verbs in Latin though. Latin makes my heart sing.

Life is life? Talked to Peter Friday and loved him. Things seem to have calmed down with psycho girl but she's still a total bitch. But it's okay because she fails. In an epic way.

Yesterday was the ROM. Book of the Dead of Amen-em-hat. It was a fantastic time! I brought Emi along. We went for lunch at Jack Astor's. I love my Classics friends!!!!! Then on the way home, we passed by Mom and Dad's old houses, like when they were small. Like, when my grandparents immigrated here. I got goosebumps. I'd seen the houses in photos but it's weird to actually BE there. We even passed by the grocery store where Mom and Dad met. It was wicked.

I finished the Bakkhai really quickly. Why? Because it was amazing. Very amazing. Uber-amazing.

Studying for tomorrow's Greek quiz that I'm going to fail.

Tomorrow is my birthday? I'll be 19. Geezer!

Did I mention that I love my two Special Ones way too much? Probably.

Today is the Ides of March. R.I.P. Gaius Julius Caesar, probably one of the greatest leaders this world has ever seen.

"Bear with me; my heart is in the coffin there with Caesar, and I must pause till it come back to me."

Oops.

Love might lead me to the ER soon.

Not of my own doing. Just so y'all know.

However, after some hesitation and second thoughts and ideas of maybe letting this one slide, I have decided to just accept it.

First off, I could press charges.

Secondly... I think he might be worth it.

Monday?!

But that's four days away!

;_;

I miss him already?

Hahahaha, lifey lifey life!

I laugh.

Five hours of sleep.

Coffee and a muffin?

Is this poetry?

http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/

The above is amazing.

I have to go to the drugstore today.

I am not getting enough work done but I have two hours.

My five-year plan is being demolished by 2110 and the fact that its time slot is a bitch and doesn't agree with my GK 2000 course. FUCK YOU! There is just not enough time to take all the courses I want.

An attractive Jew just walked by. I am feeling particularly Week-like because my monthly curse didn't visit this month. Therefore I would like to have sex with him.

I am in love with two beautiful things. Oops. It's their fault.

I am getting all weird because of the coffee and the aforementioned issues with my course plan. Fack mah laife. Mom was right when she told me not to plan so extensively but I needed to in order to maintain my sanity :)

Chickachickayeee!

... as Dim would say.

Quick updat0rz? Well, I got my Latin and Greek exams back. 92.5% and 96% respectively. Yus! I got the A+s I wanted. I am only mildly pissed that all the mistakes I made were stupid ones. It's not that I didn't know things, but that I was careless. I was fully capable of getting perfect on both of them. Ah well.

Didn't get the Iliad essay back. However, Fisher specifically mentioned mine (and Petra's) in class as being brilliant so I am very happy and hopeful. A B+ is all I ask for!

Lost was great tonight but now I have so much work to catch up on. *sigh*

Job interview in the Faculty of Science Friday. Joy joy joy!

Almost my birthday. Oof.

I am so in love right now. Not with Peter. Well, with him too, but I am not really referring to him, if that makes sense. I don't know. Things are stirring. Let's see where this takes us, shall we? Life is fucked.

And I don't mind. :)

Polyamory is difficult though.

Seems that all I really was doing was waiting for you...

Oh, contentment.

Seven hours of studying happily resulted in my slaying of the easy peasy four pages that was my Latin exam in about half an hour. Despite a fire alarm in CLH at about 3:25, we managed to start it just twenty minutes later without much hassle.

Went to Anna's. Had a great salad and laughed at the lunacy of her family. We decorated her wall with pages from NOW magazine and watched hilarious things on TV. Stayed up til 3 a.m. just talking about the randomest things in that sort of delirious mode that my body sets itself to when I'm awake for 21 hours.

Woke up at 8:30ish this morning and headed downtown for her physics lecture. We ate lemon cranberry muffins. Her prof is funny and small. Then we dashed to Queen and Come As You Are and I bought a rubber flogger that hurt like a bitch and saw all the hurty things that made me lovelovelove Peter, mein liebchen, which I have been doing more since we have made our relationship less mad. More on that later. Anyway, then we got lemon crêpes to go from Our Place and I loved life a lot and we got back in time and no trouble from parents because they didn't find out I was lying. It was just a good day.

And I lovelovelove Peter. I said that but I am saying it again. Things are fucked. We aren't 'together' the way we were between September and February. But we are 'together' in the way we were from October to August. And you know what? I prefer that. It's less serious. It's less pressure. I can be more appreciative. I don't automatically go from thinking PETER to thinking PROBLEM OMG I WILL NEVER SEE HIM. Obviously that's on my mind but it just does not bother me anymore. I can't really label what's going on. Am I single? Am I "taken" (or rather, have I taken someone? Because no one takes me, bitch)? I don't know, I can't answer that. He's got his Facebook bit set to "In an open relationship" again and it makes me really happy.

Maybe we can be Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor the way I always wanted. Once they had their outline in place, they became happy.

And shut the fuck up, world. I don't care what you say. I can be mad about Peter and mad about this other upstart bloke at the same time! Well I don't know if I'm mad about him... but sometimes he won't get out of my brain. I don't know where it's going to go but I would like to have a small something with him at least for a few minutes, just a few minutes of connection, you know?

But he's not Peter. No one is Peter. And I don't want anyone else to be Peter.

<3

I'm in love all over again. Shit.

Gone Fishin'

Or just to school and then Anna's till tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be a fun purchasing day! :D

STOP IT!

Today I went to the ROM. Jolly fun times. It was a good day with Mike and Natalia and Widad. New adventures and such. We saw the diamond exhibit, which was wicked awesome.

But now my brain is really all over the place and I am going insane. So many thoughts at once. Oh so many doubts. Too fucking many. I don't know what anything means anymore. I don't know what HE means when he says those things, or when he leans in close, or when the lightest touch sets off all kinds of alarms inside my head. Why? Fuck, why?

Peter's being disgustingly supportive, and I hate it. I am never happy though. If he was being sulky, I'd hate that too. I just don't like having him be the supportive friend. He's my love, and my lovER. He can never be less than that even when we are eventually 100% done with each other.

Too many thoughts. Too many fucking feelings. Can I give up on emotions for Lent?

Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein...

Where to begin? Well.

Friday, I do not remember anything, mostly because I was at home doing nothing because of exam break. Saturday was work. Aruna is back, fun times. It was rather busy Saturday, actually.

Sunday I was off work - FUCK YES. I went to Rogers and got a new phone, a red Motokrazr. I was initially very sad to let my old Nokia go but I am really liking the new one. Spiffy and new :) Pissed I can't get my own ringtone on there though. I keep trying to get Ulysses but it's not working! After Rogers I went to the ACE basement and met up with Tallee, Viki, Dio, Athina, Sarah, and my other Greek mates. Dio was hilarious and I loved him a lot that day, because he is just a beautiful person. And he told me I had ancient eye structure and insisted that I am not Italian but Greek (because of Magna Grecia). I am going to be sad to see him go this summer :( The exam went very well though.

No school this week. Monday I made my awesome Middle Eastern meal. Homemade tahini, hummus, falafels, and patates salatasi. It was a lot of work but so worth it. The food was amazing. I had SO much hummus left and I thought we'd never get rid of it but we finished it this evening O_O

(Random note: No You Girls is on the new iTouch commercial, which is a bad thing because it causes periodic near-orgasms, because that song is obviously about femdom and Alex Kapranos would be the most delicious sub ever.)

Yesterday I spent a lot of time working on the Latin review, and talking to Anna about all sorts of weird BDSM things, which has sadly and/or happily become our lives these days. I also watched Verfolgt a.k.a. Punish Me, which was an excellent but heartbreaking film. Also, Kostja Ullmann would be the second most delicious sub ever.

I might buy a flogger and/or a crop on Monday and I am excited as fuck. Even though I don't really have anyone to use them on.

Speaking of which, I still don't know what's going on with Peter. We are on speaking terms now but it is mostly very friendly... well, no, not friendly. It's very sexually charged, maybe even more so than before, as things always are when we're making up after a fight. However I really don't know if we are just going to pick up the relationship where we left off. Things are really different this time around. I think I've finally pushed him into acknowledging that there are a lot of problems with this set-up. We've sort of just decided to cool things down for about two weeks. We're not fighting and I don't think we're "together" (though his Facebook still says he is "In A Relationship"...), but we are still in love and that's really about it. I am wondering if this is a step to giving the poly thing a go. Is it poly or open? I don't really know. I don't think he's poly. I think I might be. I'm always in love with more than one person at once. I am right now. Badly. But I actually cannot discuss who the other person is because it could fuck things up terribly as he is also a really good friend of mine and I don't want to mess with that. What scares me is that I am getting this vibe that he is interested... so... even though I tell Peter that the opportunities don't really come up... well, they might. Or one might. Bah. It's the first test, of myself and of Pete. I wish all relationships were easy and black and white instead of black and blue and totally fucked up. *sigh*

Going to the ROM tomorrow with Mike, Natalia, and Widad. I'll probably buy a membership this time, which will make me feel retarded for not doing so last time, but such is life.

"You'd rather be a bitch than be an ordinary broken heart"

I really wish I could update with gusto. But I cannot.

Things of note? Two tests went well yesterday? Spent a few hours at Anna's, watching Shortbus and Young People Fucking (both hilarious, but Shortbus was more artistic - love that John Cameron Mitchell!) Handed in the essay, went to a useless lecture, then got to spend at least a few minutes with Mike. Was with him for about forty minutes in the morning, actually. He was playing AOM before class haha.

Today was alright. Slightly boring. Was with Mike for a couple of hours though, because he's nice like that and is somehow around to keep me company when I need it. I like friends! I might be going down to the ROM again on the 26th. Natalia and Mike are def going, not sure who else. Hopefully Viki, whom I love a lot because she is an amazing girl.

Don't know what's going on with Peter. Haven't talked to him since Thursday. I sent him another email. This one was rather long and ranty and really just schizo. Hopefully he won't ignore it. I just want to know what's going on, really. I'm half of this relationship and it's pathetic that I don't know if it's over or not.

Off tomorrow. Off til the 4th of March, actually. Exam on Sunday (no work at Subway, woo!) and another on March 2nd.

Taking the night off, I think. But I did so yesterday to watch Lost (which was AMAZING) so I might feel slightly guilty...

........

I'm so bad at this.

But it's been a rough week.

I promise that tomorrow I will write something. Maybe.

Damn.

I intended to update.

But I am in a very shitty mood right now.

I can't see my prof for office hours before the essay is due so I don't know if it's even good at all.

Also, I might be single.

At least I got a 97 on Monday's Greek quiz. And had a really fantastic day yesterday. Sarah, Viki, Natalia, Mike, and Dio make my life worth living some days.