Stagnation

This strike is really getting in the way of good blogging. Mostly because I just don't have anything to talk about anymore.

Saw Bond Friday. Was brilliant. Love it. Fantastic.

Was a bit overshadowed by the problems I've been having with Peter though. It's a sordid tale of mistakes, drugs, alcoholism, and possibly prostitutes. Oy. I think everything is okay now though. Maybe. 

I worked this weekend. I realized that I love the Caledon East store on the 9-3 shift. Because yesterday I worked 12-7 at the Bolton store and it was the Shift of Death. I wanted to fucking kill myself. But of course, I didn't.

Who tied my hands to the wheel?

Wow. I haven't blogged in ages. I always comment on this lately haha... well... it's not that I've been busy. Just distracted.

The last week's been a bit of a whirlwind. Let's do it quickly, shall we?

LAST WEEK

Monday

• Greek class cancelled
• hung out in the Student Centre with Natalia and Viki
• sat in on their HIST 2100 lecture 
• stalked Kyle but still didn't talk to him
• spent hours "studying"/ goofing off with Natalia and Mike
• went to write myth midterm, only to have someone pull the fire alarm, resulting in its disbandment; this made me UBER pissed because it was easy as fuck and I would have gotten at least 90%
• bought a pomegranate bubble tea to compensate for shitty quality of life

Tuesday

• after getting 5 or so hours of sleep, randomly started to pass out in history lecture
• therefore, had to chug down a large coffee from Timmie's (which I managed to buy at Central Square because it was miraculously free of an epic line) just to stay alive
• got some work done; what!
• went to a great history tutorial; we (mostly Rachel and I) made up a movie about the life of Cornelia McDonald which was highly dramatic and starred Reese Witherspoon, Sean Connery, and Shia LaBoeuf

Wednesday

• didn't go to the rally downtown
• had a good tutorial to which Dio showed up because now he is in it
• had a short conversation with Dio
• went to the penultimate meeting of our T2U discussion group and loved Barry and Megan a lot
• went to myth lecture and Tordoff was hilarious (Aphrodite has a magic bra) 
• spent too long at a Midas because of mom's stupid van

Thursday

• Day 1 of strike (which I support, so everyone fuck off please)
• wasted a lot of time doing nothing
• talked to Peter for two hours

Friday

• more strike
• got some actual work done
• started reading Helen of Troy by Margaret George; I missed reading for leisure
• had a lonely and pathetic Friday night, as usual

Somewhere in between I made a new friend named Ksenia via Facebook who goes to York and is my music twin.

Saturday and Sunday = work. Not so bad. Sunday I opened the store by myself and all went well. I met a girl named Amanda who is friends with Alicia and she was very nice. It was a good time... ish. 

Yesterday I went downtown with Anna. Highlights: going the wrong way, vibrators, terrifying big black things, gingers, random CDs, lemon sugar crepes, guy asking for a toonie, Doritos, ticklish noses, video of Tordoff. 

Today I was alone. Did some work. Felt sorry for myself. Did chores. More self pity. Some gay porn courtesy of Pan. Fun times? 

I don't even know what to say. I wish I was happy but I am not. 

What is good though is that I am caught up on Queer as Folk. And Brian and Justin are back together and the end of episode of 308 is very beautiful and they make me very happy. But in the last one I watched (309), Ted is being depressed and an alcoholic and I think even though I am kind of Brian sometimes, I am really Ted. 

Few and Far Between

I REALLY was bad in terms of blogging this week. Haha.

Been madly busy though. I don't even remember the past week... just a lot of Latin and Greek and HOMEWORK in general.

Ummm... things of note? Got back my Apollo essay. B+. Decent enough, one of the highest in my tutorial. Mike got an A but he didn't have a prof marking it instead of a TA. 

Had a great time stalking Kyle while camped out in Vanier with Sarah. She is great.

Spent my Halloween doing homework. Classy.

Worked yesterday. It wasn't so bad, the guy at the Caledon East restaurant who is training me is very nice and speaks good English. Working again in forty-five minutes. Don't want to. I'm exhausted.

Went out downtown for Anna's birthday last night with Lewin and Edie (and of course Anna). I met the Chris fellow. He is very nice and didn't think I was weird for shaking his hand upon introduction. At least I don't think he thinks I was weird. Oh well. We went all over town doing strange things that we made up for Anna to do on The List. Had a fun time in Condom Shack.

Is it really weird that going to Condom Shack made me sad? Yes. 

Well really... it's only because I miss Peter (who went out drinking Halloween night while dressed as James Bond despite having only left the hospital Tuesday, with Xandros who was Emilio Largo and Patrizia who was hauntingly Vesper Lynd). A lot. 

It's just very not fair that my one chance at a normal relationship did not really work out at all. 

I laugh

Wow, I don't post very often anymore do I?

Well, what is there to say. School is school, classes are classes, my friends are my friends, Dio is Dio, and life is life (which means that life is shit). 

Wedding Saturday. Joe and Sandra. Fun. Got drunk. Not drunk enough. But it will do for now.

Peter's in the hospital. Alcohol poisoning. Had a seizure and they couldn't wake him. He's fine now, but I am ultra-pissed and mega-worried. 

Finished the history essay. Very relieved.

A lot of Latin homework. And a midterm next Monday. Ach. 

Working Saturday probably. Miserable. I really want to go back to Taco Bell - never thought I'd say that. 

Yeah that's pretty much it. I've got to get back to work... read Book 9 of the Iliad and then get started on either Greek or Latin. Probably Greek first... it's easier. 

On the Coldest Winter Night...

This is a blog I wrote earlier (about 4ish) that didn't post for some reason.

...

It is currently snowing.

That's right. I am sitting in the parking lot, in Mom's car waiting for her and Mikey to show up. And it is SNOWING. 

It's been pretty cold since yesterday, and Tara told me they had snow up in Nipissing, but I really didn't expect it to start snowing today! I was just not ready for this I suppose... I can take the cold, but I need time to brace myself! Anyway, I'm currently warding off the chill with a small hot chocolate from my little cute café place at York Lanes. I was GOING to indulge and get myself something from Second Cup since it was on my way to the parking lot, but the lineup was way too long. And also, Second Cup is a corporate bitch. And my café is quick... and sells baklava. Ooh. <3

Nothing much worth noting of Sunday. Did flash cards and homework. What else is fucking new.

Yesterday was actually a pretty fantastic day! Got my Latin test back... hahaha. Thought I failed. Pulled a 96% out of the hat. What the fuck? Ridic. And I seem to understand these pronoun things. Thank you, French. 

Greek was hilarious as usual (well, after a shitty adjective quiz of course). Quote of the day (when we were discussing herms); "So... horny statues keep away bad luck?" Also, Dio was funny as usual, especially when we had to share Rachel's Ancillary book between the three of us because he and I are silly. And he had a seashell necklace he made in honour of a libation to Aphrodite. And offered to make me one. I don't think I answered, I was too busy feeling special. 

Chilled out for a bit (translation: five hours) between getting some work done, talking to Peter on the phone (he was up to some naughty business), being weird over Facebook chat with Natalia and Mike, and hanging with Anna for about half an hour since she came for a visit. And then Tordoff's lecture, which was GREAT (except his accent in Greek is terrible). And Dio sat in front of us so I was with all my favourite York people! Well, most anyway. 

Then back home for the same old same old. 

Today was alright... significantly worse though (see my mentioning of snow). History lecture was alright, but it is always just "alright". Did get some work done in the biblio this morning though (but just barely). Tutorial = map quiz, which I raped. And I also handed in a summary for a term paper, huzzah! One down, one to go. 

I'm kind of worried about this history paper I have due next week though. I've done the readings and made notes and stuff, all I have to do is make an outline and write the actual essay... but I am just not really into it at all. Bah. Plus I've got Joe Pedota's wedding this weekend, and somehow I've been conned into working next Saturday morning (the 1st of November) 9am-3pm at the CALEDON EAST Subway. What the fuck. Douchebag takes forever to call, then assigns me to a different store? If I WANTED to work in C.E., I would have fucking applied there. Why don't I have the [figurative] balls to just say, "On second thought, I quit!"

Because I need money. Bought Anna's birthday present - Amanda Palmer ticket - yesterday, which was $26. Leaving me with... oh... probably 25ish dollars in the bank. 

Ridic that I might not even SEE Anna for her birthday BECAUSE I will be working.

I just hate that we need money. But having a job would make things supremely easy for me. I'd never feel bad about getting a fucking hot chocolate like I did today because it'd be my money. And I could control how much cash I have on me... instead of the parents giving me cash and then me itching to spend it. And I could put some away for that trip I want, and for my "nest egg".

Money is indeed the devil...

I should take Peter up on his offer. Move to Thessaloniki, marry him, get free university at AUTh (somehow becoming fluent in modern Greek somewhere in between), and be poor but happy and harmonious etc. 

I just don't think I could ever be happy and harmonious etc. though. 

Flashy!

Everybody's working for the weekend.

!

Well this is a good weekend so far, I think. Friday was an interesting day... I know I fucked up the Latin test. I was more worried yesterday... I've gotten over it by now. I am allowed to mess up two tests without it really having an adverse effect on my GPA. There was just one section that threw me for a loop, for sure. I dunno... a bit nervous, of course.

Greek was good. I love how small that class is, because we can joke and laugh sometimes. We randomly started talking about 300 when we encountered the verb "apoleipein" (to abandon). I got my last two quizzes back as well; 96% on adjectives, 100% on the surprise vocab. Nice! Still have an A+ there haha.

After class I chilled with Natalia, had lunch, and then headed to the Student Centre to get some notes done for The Iliad. I sat down in Treats with a small French vanilla and a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie and went through the first couple of books again. I also bought a volcano taco from Taco Bell because they are great... ate that while waiting for Dad.

Did only a bit of homework when I got home. Tara contacted me at about 6ish (she just had a Reading Week from Nipissing and so was in town) and asked if I wanted to go see a film with her. So we went to Empire for a 7:30 showing of Max Payne. It was pretty good... a little confusing, lots of angry men with guns, typical action really. Took a photo with a James Bond poster. And we got the student deal... admission itself is usually about ten bucks, but for around eleven (including tax) we got admission, regular popcorn, and regular drink just because we showed our university ID cards. 

We got out of the movie at about 9:15, and that was a little early so we went to gallivant around Walmart for a bit before heading home. It was nice to see Tara again, and nice to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. I felt a little bad for the way I did it - I literally said to Mom and Dad, "Tara's picking me up and we're going to see a film, bye." But I just HAD to do it. Or I'd go mad. Usually I'm depressed Saturdays and today I am not; it's probably because I actually went out last night. I'm heeding Barry's advice, really. 

AND I haven't called Subway. Because they haven't called me. And I really don't want to work. Fuck 'em all!

Today we just cleaned a bit and then I started on my homework. Finished up until Book Three of The Iliad, wrote a short paper on part one of A Year in the South for Colin's tutorial, and am now working on flash cards for Latin and Greek.

These flash cards are really a headache though. I'm coding them according to part of speech and chapter... very very tedious. Time consuming. And sooo many cards. I have nowhere near enough. This weekend I want to do 10 chapters worth for Latin and 7 for Greek. That requires about 450. I think I have 200ish. I'll run out soon so I need to finish them tomorrow. Hahaha.

So... yeah. Because I went out yesterday I think I'm okay spending the weekend doing homework. :)

Okay... maybe not. Oh well. Such is life. 

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

It literally has been forever since I have blogged. Well, not literally... figuratively? Since Saturday I think. I've been pretty busy!

Sunday was that dinner at Nonna and Nonno's to welcome Uncle Tony's in-laws into our family. Dysfunction Central. But we smiled and laughed and pretended it was all alright so I don't think the in-laws noticed. *shrug* The food was good at least. 

Monday was family Thanksgiving. With no mashed potatoes. Not very impressed. 

And then Monday night was, QUITE POSSIBLY, one of the worst nights of my life. I could NOT get to sleep. I tossed and turned and dozed but always woke out of the doze... it was so frustrating I really thought I'd cry. I fell asleep at around... oh... 5 a.m. maybe. And I wake up at 6:30. 

Somehow I managed to get through Tuesday's history lecture and tutorial. SOMEHOW. Probably adrenaline considering I hadn't thought of pumping myself with caffeine. I even managed to stay up until 11ish doing my homework Tuesday evening... without feeling tired? It's just unhealthy. I was exhausted and yet I wasn't. And I felt my body temperature rising... like you just FEEL yourself being hot. 

I really don't know how people manage to run on barely any sleep. Maybe it's all the energy drinks and coffee. I'm not straight edge because I drink alcohol, but I'm still pretty against ingesting all that just to be awake. It's not natural.

That night also made me wonder about Peter's health, considering he, like... never sleeps. Maybe an hour or two a night, and that is all he gets. I ended up looking up insomnia online (click title of this blog for more details) and going into major spaz mode because if he's suffering from acute onset insomnia, that means he is having some sort of problem. But he just won't talk to me about it, and Xandros won't talk to him about it, and he won't see a doctor. So I am really kind of stuck. I am just worried that he might be suffering from anxiety or some sort of emotional stress or (HOPEFULLY NOT) a mental disorder resulting in a sleep disorder. 

Honestly, sometimes I hate worrying so much. I am not anyone's "mother". But I can't help worry when people I love are having problems! Oh well. 

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Except that I am worrying about the Latin test, which is tomorrow and I still don't know the third declension. The Greek quiz was alright, I could have done a lot better perhaps... though I'm a little pissed that our adjective to decline was αξιος! Of course she'd pick a word containing the letter I cannot write for shit. :) Anyway, Myth tutorial was... interesting. Foreign Danish fucked-up version of Medea and jokes about why Greeks can't use Trojan condoms. Then discussion group was about sex, drugs, alcohol... = fun discussion really, haha. Myth lecture itself alright, very detailed. Intro to the Trojan War. Yay! Tordoff lectures for a full month starting next Monday. In class exam on November 3rd though, ahh!

So You Think You Can Dance was on last night. Kaitlyn's doing really well, I think she was stunning... but her partner is weighing her down, and a lot of people think so. Poor Izaak, but poor Kaitlyn. 

Anyway... I've got a history lecture from 11:30 to 12:30 today and then I'm done for the day. Will probably do some reading in between The Iliad and A Year in the South, as well as some studying for Latin. Really, I am worried about that one. Dative of possession is confusing me. And I don't know the endings for the third declension at all haha. 

Shit shit shit. 

Let's not forget that history essay I have due in a couple of weeks. And that map test on Tuesday in tutorial... that is, if there IS tutorial. CUPE is in strike position. Grand :)

And P.S. after training unpaid on Friday and Saturday, boss from Subway hasn't even called. What the fuck. Unprofessional much? I can't stand that. I can't stand how shitty he is at being a boss... it makes Taco Bell seem normal. I kind of want to go back to Taco Bell which is a mega-shocker, but if I did they'd pay me $8.75 an hour, wouldn't have to train me, AND they always let me take time off whenever I asked because I always asked well in advance and I had a fantastic attendance record. 

Ugh.

Dude, Where's my Catharsis?

Ever feel like your life is a high-speed car chase without brakes?

Yeah. I'm there.

It seems to me that every time I finally get a job, everything else decides to take notice and pile up. Homework, tests, and assignments? Sure, why not! And suddenly all my friends care about me. So now they want to see me. Great timing!

My problem is that when I'm stressed, I don't know where to begin. So I just... don't begin. I can't even seem to make a list because everything is floating around in my brain at once.

• read the two [probably boring] articles for history and write a five-page comparative essay for October 28th
• write two summary papers for history tutorial (but first I must find out which readings qualify)
• study for fucking map test in two weeks
• study for random Latin test on Friday... flash cards? syntax sheets? suicide?
• learn the goddamn third fucking declension in Latin... why must they have five? 
• study Greek adjectives like mad, as well as neuter endings and articles (just after i mastered the feminine and masculine, of course) before Surtees gets the better of me and stops gifting me with A+ on my quizzes
• print out lecture notes and organize folders
• start reading the motherfucking Iliad 

Now add Subway, where I started last night. It wasn't so bad. Actually yesterday was pretty terrible since no one speaks English and therefore I stood around like an idiot. This morning I trained with Mallorie which was significantly better because she could actually tell me what I need to do.

I am just not so keen on this job thing. I'd rather not have one, but I have no money. I just worry for my mental health. I recently had a psych major (Barry) tell me that I am going to go crazy soon. Great. Mom really doesn't seem to care... I don't think she understands how depressing it is to not see your friends and spend all your time doing homework. It's sad that my social life for the week consisted of staying up until 1 a.m. talking to Anna and Peter on MSN last night. 

I maintain that if I lived in Toronto, I would not have this problem. It would fix most of my problems, really. Even if I did have a job there... I could go out and DO something after a shift. Fuck's sakes. 

I just feel really overwhelmed. And cast aside. And I hate that I have to make concessions, like working in a shitty place devoid of professionalism and English... and pay, so far. Or having to take a history course that I really hate a lot. Or not seeing people I love. 

It's, what, a month and a half in? And I'm already needing a nice break.

For now it looks as if my last exam is on December 16th. Two months five days until some sort of freedom! *waves flag half-heartedly*

I think I would just be really happy if I quit my job. It's just difficult to do that when you've just started training. 

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 

Fuck.

Humbug

I was home today. Yom Kippur. Nice! So I went to Hall and picked up my OSSD, my Ontario Scholar Certificate, and my transcript. Went a-visitin' as well. 

First went to see Mr. Lloyd. Embarrassed me in front of his Grade 10 class by introducing me and then reading out all my marks (he took my transcript out of my hand). Some little prick asked, all indignant, "Is that Applied?" My answer was really laced with poison haha... I said, "No. Academic. I'm in university right now."

Then I went to see Mr. Reist. Ahhhh I love that man! He introduced me (as one of his "Charlies" who was in the class since Grade 10 and a voracious reader etc... love him!) and didn't embarrass me and let me talk a bit about what I'm doing at York. Then he told me to write something in Greek, so I gave him ανθρωπος, which I guessed [correctly] that he'd enjoy. And the class seemed thoroughly astounded by the lovely Greek alphabet. Which has really grown on me, despite my daily struggle with ξ. Also they seemed amazed that I was even learning Latin and Ancient Greek... Jeff Duke's in the class (Kaitlyn's boyfriend now, aw... didn't see that one coming) and when I told him that it was like doing Extended French he looked a little shocked! Anyway, they're reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower in Independent Lit so I brought my copy from when I read it in Lit and sat myself down beside Justin (whom I also love a lot and missed a lot and was so happy to see) to listen to the discussion for a little while. Once the class was over I talked to Reist a bit... told him I'd visit in December perhaps. We went out into the hallway to wait for Kennedy because I wanted to say hi, and Reist passed by again and asked me for a hug. Aw! LOVE HIM! I will def go back and visit ASAP.

Saw Kennedy for a bit, but she had a class in the library to teach. Went to find Lloyd again because he told me to go back to see him on 3A and he wasn't there. Ran into Melanson on my way to the foyer to meet up with Justin again and she SPAZZED! I miss her haha... she wasn't too pleased that I'm not taking French in favour of Latin and Greek! I told her I'd visit too.

I spend the last twenty or so minutes just chatting to Justin. It was nice, like old times! I miss him a lot.

Anyway so then I came home, was miserable, and did a bunch of work. Did a Latin lesson, copied my tutorial notes from Colin into my notebook, and labelled a world map to study for the stupid map test in two weeks. I kind of wanted to start on those term papers for Colin's tutorial but I haven't. Maybe soon... I also want to finish Zorba the Greek soon, and I have to start The Iliad for two weeks from now. And I should do a lot of Greek review this weekend since Surtees is off to Baltimore and there's no class tomorrow. (P.S. 100% on Monday's quiz! There was a pop quiz yesterday though... I think I aced it at least) So much to do! AND I start training tomorrow night, AND Corey and Megan invited me bowling Saturday evening, AND Lew wants to get together on the 1st. And then of course Joe Pedota's wedding on the 25th.

Oh and Thanksgiving. Not to mention that my new aunt Marina's parents are in town from Mexico and apparently we have to go see them Sunday.

I like them though. They're cool. Met them yesterday at that restaurant. Uncle Tony and Marina got married at 4ish at Mississauga city hall (missed that because of class) and then we went for dinner at a great place on Dundas St. West called Thyme for Pizza and Pasta. I had the Lingune Diavolo... not recommended for those with sensitive tongues! It was a good night though, Marina looked beautiful and like I said, her parents were very nice. It was a really long night though... Wednesdays are my busiest days and I had to go straight from school to dinner.

I also missed Kaitlyn dance last night. Fack. Mikey taped it for me though, and I still voted. People tell me she did very well. Tonight's the first results show... nervous! I hope she gets through to next week. 

Anyway, just stressed overall. Well, not really stressed... maybe overbusy!

We're gonna burn this city, burn this city...

Why do I have Franz Ferdinand in my head? I don't know. Classical music is playing right now (I am in York Lanes).

Feeling significantly better today as I actually got about six and a half hours of sleep as opposed to the three from Sunday night. Still I am ready to down this large coffee from this café which is steadily becoming a great place, except right now there are annoying people at the next table.

And an attractive scholarly one two tables away who is distracting me from this reading.

Yes haha I did not even read those thirty pages. Well I have about twelve left. I blame Mauro for turning up yesterday afternoon. It was nice though, we talked for about an hour. He had mono last week, bless him for soldiering on. He is actually a lot smarter than I originally thought.

Lecture yesterday for Myth (run by Fisher) was pretty excellent. Medea is pretty great, plus I was sitting with Natalia and of course with Michael (!) whom I am really enjoying! He is a classics nerd like me, it is nice to know that I am not alone.

Called Ray. Start training Friday afternoon. Ugh. Not looking forward to unpaid labour! Even if it is only training.

If I had money, though... I mean, right now... life would be a lot easier. Also I could move into an apartment in the Village for $150 a month with Edie and Anna. Maybe next year. I maintain that it would be highly convenient for me to live down here. 

Lecture in two hours. About the industrial revolution. Ahahaha fun... not at all. At least I finally bought that last book by Stephen Ash and finally have all I need for all my courses. 

Anyway I should get to this reading. Computers are distracting and I have to save my battery for lecture. 

P.S. Tudors tonight, yes!!

The sun is in the sky

Eesh. Four days since my last blog. I can barely remember that far back!

Well Friday was alright, obviously. Why wouldn't it be? Ray from Subway didn't end up calling me, but told Mallorie to tell me to call him today so that's what I'm doing.

Saturday I had the usual weekly breakdown. No big deal, haha. I wrote a long angry poem thing... which isn't so bad, I'm quite glad that I've done some poetry finally. I haven't in years. 

Yesterday I also did shit all. Study, read, repeat. It was a better day than Saturday though.

I finished my Apollo essay! Very happy. Kind of. To be honest, my conclusion is shit. However I am kind of past caring by now. I'd like to think that the body of the essay is a little more important.

I got my Greek quiz from last week back today. I thought I had fucked up majorly but I got a 95. Hahaha. And the quiz today went great. Yay for maintaining an A+! 

I have to read thirty pages for my history tutorial tomorrow. Fack. I think I will do that now... I don't have class until 4:30. Buuuut really I am just not in the mood to read that right now. I really want to finish Zorba the Greek... but I don't have it with me anyway. 

Whatevs. I should put away this computer and stop being distracted!

Annoyed!

So today I am really realizing how ridiculously stupid my schedule is. Having just one class today yet having to be here for hours is just really silly and also annoying. Plus it's the class I don't really like... that could be part of it haha. Oh well. 

Ray from Subway hasn't called me back yet. I don't know if I should be worried or not. I just hope he doesn't call me today and expect me to go in tonight. At least I don't have any homework to worry about though. Having a job is really going to complicate my life, I realized. But I need the money.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this previously, but a school friend (well more like friendly acquaintance but we did have French together for about four years) of mine, Kaitlyn Fitzgerald, auditioned for So You Think You Can Dance Canada. Her audition was on a couple of weeks ago and she made it to Top 200. I was actually madly excited for her, mostly because she is one of the youngest there and yet seemed to have made such an impression. Also because she is actually a really great and genuine person and I think she deserves the chance at this. Anyway I decided to watch it last night as they narrowed it down to Top 20. And didn't she make it into that Top 20? Of course, haha!!! (A word of note: Emanuel Sandhu, gold medal figure skater, was in the competition and he did not make it into Top 20 - ha!) So she's going to be on the show now, which is amazing. I'm so happy for her, but I'm just realizing how creepy it might be for her. There are people on this forum thing that have a topic about her and they found her MySpace and copied and pasted this survey of hers from two years ago or something and they're judging her a bit for some of the things she may or may not have done. Really I don't think that's fair. But such is life when you're on national television I suppose. At least she seems to have a few fans! Kind of pissed that I'm missing the show next week (Uncle Tony and Marena are getting married), but I'll probably tape it and watch it Thursday. So good luck to Kaitlyn! I will always remember her choreographing a dance for us in Grade 10 gym class... and I don't think Varnam ever asked us to dance it in the end.

On Monday as I was leaving York Lanes (about to meet up with Anna), I saw Camille Belair (from de Sales, my elementary school). At first I wasn't sure it was her because I haven't seen her in four years, but I did get around to sending her a message and it was. She's majoring in sociology here. Funnily enough, I ran into her today in the bathroom! We talked a bit... she seems more introverted than before. Apparently Yvonne is here at York too. Bit of a reunion really!

I have to finish my essay on the Hymn to Apollo sometime soon. I finished talking about history... and I'm already at 860 words. Fuck. I always have this problem. The instructions said it should be 1250 but I have no idea if that's a minimum or a maximum. I also have to read Medea at some point. And I don't know if I'm working at all this week. And I didn't even look at my Greek or Latin books yesterday, I'm going to be rusty tomorrow!

Oh well. I should stop writing and probably get started on Medea haha. 

High Holy Days

Shana tova! to any Jews who ever stroll past here. And also, thank you!

Yesterday was Rosh Hashanah. I think. Or was that today? Well either way, I didn't have school yesterday and I don't have it today either. And so I thank the Jews for having a lovely random holiday and I hope they are all enjoying themselves. 

I've spent today working on my Hymn to Apollo essay. It could be going better. I've got another 900 words (give or take) to work with still. Just an introduction and a brief description of the plot of the Hymn so far. I think I might go over, but I am trying not to. It's actually really difficult to write this essay since the topic is a little vague. How can I explain the importance of anything to our understanding of Greek myth if I don't even know what that understanding is? Oh well, I can give it a shot. We'll see how it goes. I'm hoping it goes well though... it is worth 10% really.

Monday was... Monday. Haha. I was exhausted for some reason. I got my Latin test back though. 91%! Yessss. I am proud of myself despite two ridiculously stupid mistakes. Then I went to Greek class and likely fucked up my quiz considering I still don't know where accents go on μοιρα. Not so concerned though, it is one quiz of many. After having lunch with Mom I headed to the Bennett Centre for a seminar thing on exam prep. I couldn't find the room, because it does not exist. I do not understand. So I just didn't go. I didn't tell my mother though haha. Whatever, there will be more seminars anyway. Instead I grabbed a coffee at the little coffee place at York Lanes again and did my entire Latin lesson. Anna showed up at 4ish, bought a sub, and then came with me to Myth lecture. Poor Tordoff was losing his voice and I didn't get to introduce her to Dio but it was still a great time.

Hm, what else? Oh, yesterday I opened my savings accounts at Alterna. I am very happy about it. I also registered so I could vote. I'm doing it this weekend at the early vote. NDP!

Anyway, I should get back to the essay. I have French fries though. I wanted some so I made them. 

And we'll never close our eyes

Heil, comrades! How spiffy of a day have I had? Actually my weekend was pretty great.

Parents left early yesterday morning for the Koufises' cottage, so it was just Emilio and I. I was feeling generally miserable for the most part, as I usually do on the weekend, but I eventually was distracted as I was doing homework until about 11ish. 

At about half-past midnight Anna signed in and I wasn't tired at all so I started talking to her. It was getting pretty late but we decided to pull an all-nighter. We ended up staying up til seven! It was mad! It actually got light outside! We had so many random conversations though. Actually at one point I passed out for twenty minutes. I ended up only getting two and a half hours of sleep haha I am pretty tired right now. 

Today I watched Jodhaa Akbar which Jyoti lent me. Thank god for subtitles. Anyway, it was great and I fucking love Hrithik Roshan. The end.

Greek quiz tomorrow! I'm not too worried, it's conjugating the future active indicative. Like you know, kepto/ klepso, phylatto/ phylaxo, mello/ melleso, etc. I just hope we don't have to decline any nouns because they are annoying. And the lesson I worked through on Friday evening had adjectives. Fuck! It's all so much.

Anna's popping by York again tomorrow so she can revel in the amazingness that is Professor Tordoff. Joy abound!

I am probably going to be getting a call this week to train at Subway and I realized that I really do not want to work. But I have to I guess. Oh well. 

Really looking forward to the Jewish holidays on Tuesday and Wednesday!! I will use the time to work on my Hymn to Apollo essay. 

E non mi importa niente, ay ay ay ay!

Haha I have not written in a long time. I was going to yesterday, but something came up.

Life is good! Classes are going well (90% on the Greek quiz from Monday) and Anna has cheered up. Yesterday I felt like such a scholar. After history lecture I went to the Bakery Café at York Lanes, grabbed a large coffee, and worked on my Greek lesson for a couple of hours. I even saw Professor Tordoff there! It was like celeb-spotting!

Today was a Latin quiz. Ach et merde. I think I did alright though, besides a ridiculous mistake (wrote that "-que" and "-ne" where proclictics when I KNEW they were enclictics... I am a retard). Greek class was fun as usual, talking with Sarah and Dionysos etc. 

I plan to get a lot done this weekend. The parents are going up to Parry Sound, so it'll just be Emi and I. To do list?

• next Latin lesson
• next Greek lesson
• Greek ancillary exercises
• read four chapters of Writing History
• start outline for essay on the Hymn to Apollo
• read Learning Skills and Resources websites
• watch Jodhaa Akbar 
• read more of Zorba the Greek 
• print lecture notes form this past week

I think that's it.

Oh! Yesterday afternoon I went in to Subway and filled out an application. It was alright I hope. Ray is very nice and apparently was going to call me in for the interview even before he knew I was Mallorie's friend. I just hated that I had to do math questions hahaha. Anyway I have to go in sometime next week for training. I was looking at some procedure charts in the office - it doesn't look anywhere near as confusing and complicated as Taco Bell/ KFC/ Pizza Hut was! I am very relieved.

Speaking of which, I think I am having Taco Bell for dinner tonight. Yay? I don't know, I'm kind of craving a taco but I know it's just going to make me sick. 

But in sum, things are looking up. Ish. I just have to quell my fears about the Myth essay. I should be fine! I'm pretty smart I think! 

I could go for a coffee right about now...

Non mi tocchi più

I often say that I'm holed up somewhere or other in some building at York... but I'm almost serious this time! I'm on the fifth floor in some cubicle in a tiny little hallway beside a window. I can see the Rexall Centre from here, if that gives anyone any clues as to where I am exactly. I can see Pond Road too, the part that kind of extends and goes past Passy Court. Very nice, quiet... I've got some Tiziano Ferro in my ear. All is well. Ohm.

Did I blog on Sunday? Probably not, I was too busy reading The Moral Economy of the English Crowd in the Eighteenth Century by E.P. Thompson who should go kill himself now if he's not already dead. Very long, tedious, repetitive article. About wheat and corn. That was 61 pages long. Kill me? Anyway I read the whole thing so Colin can't hate me. And I bought my books finally. Now he REALLY cannot hate me! Shut up, Colin!!! 

Anyway I didn't even end up reading any of Hippolytus on Sunday because I figured I would read it during my five-hour break yesterday. Until I realized that I don't actually have to have started to read it until tomorrow. I just read the first few scenes last night. I really blame Peter for distracting me with his well-timed and tragic phone call Sunday evening. Betch. 

There's a poster sale at Vari Hall and I saw a kick-ass James Bond poster that I would love to send him but I can't because I'm poor. The same way he has to be far away because he is poor, and why we can't get married because we are both poor. Such is life. We're all dying in four years anyway. I will just keep saying, "No", and pretending I don't want to anyway. 

Shut up, Leah.

ANYWAY. Yesterday. Good? I think? I'm starting to forget my days. They all run together. I got nine hours of sleep Sunday night and still managed to wake up exhausted (as opposed to my six hours last night that left me feeling rejuvenated... wha?). Latin was fun... no grammar, just reading mostly. Oh, there was coding though... that's grammar. But fun grammar. Greek quiz. Ahahahaha. I think I did alright but it was only out of 10 so I had better only gotten one wrong! Still, we have one every week so no big deal. 

Then I got my books before spending hours doing shit all in some random hallway in Ross building. Looked a bit at one of my history books... I have to read chapters 1-7 by October 7th or something. Lots of time, and it's only about writing (i.e. essays). 

I had been walking through the SC and I saw random band tshirts for sale for $2 and there was a Bright Eyes one with Conor Oberst so I bought it for Anna. I texted her to tell her so she said she'd come by to get it since she was on the 196 anyway. I went to meet her at the Common (passing up a conversation with Dionysos, might I add!) and she was very happy. Coincidentially, Mauro (who goes to York anyway) and Edie (who also just happened to pop by York) showed up and it was all very happy. We all ended up going to the Myth lecture today. Anna took notes. It was a good time. Anna did enjoy looking at Tordoff, but unfortunately he wasn't lecturing. Fisher really isn't that bad though. He was funny yesterday too. Yay profs. 

Sucks that I have an assignment for that class though. Due in two weeksish. On the Hymn to Apollo. Lucky I like the Homeric hymns. Just a little anxious as I have no idea what kind of formatting they're looking for. Or even what kind of content. it has to be about history, geography, and genealogy. Maybe I should actually read the Hymn before getting nervous. 

Anna wrote a very lovely poem that I read last night. It was very sad. I am just heartbroken that she's going to be going through what I am currently experiencing. In fact, she seems to be grieving already that Chris will be gone in a year. And she told me to just live for the moment!!! She says she's not sad about it but I think she really is. Or maybe I'm just reacting in lieu of her. It's not been a good few weeks. Thank God for school.

I was supposed to go to this seminar about Memory today from 1-2 but I cancelled this morning. I really didn't feel like having to scarf down lunch between 12:30 and 1 as I walk to Bennett, nor did I want to have to rush from Bennett to Vanier at 2. Of course half an hour is enough but I don't like being rushed to go places. I have enough of that on Wednesdays, I don't need that on Tuesdays. There are more seminars next month anyway, if I really want to go to the Memory one there's still a chance. I do have a pretty good memory though. I've never had problems with that. I still plan to go to the Exam Prep one next week though. Not that I have problems with exams, it's just that I always panic and/or overstudy. 

So what is on the plan for tonight? Probably reading Hippolytus. And Hymn to Apollo. It's so odd not having to do any new Latin or Greek lessons because I've worked ahead. I might not have to do any new ones until the weekend. Fantastic! 

Counter-productive production

I have gotten a lot done since yesterday evening in terms of homework stuff. However I am currently bored out of my mind and would kill for human contact outside of this bloody house. 

I feel like I am a Sim. And my social metre is seriously in the red. No wonder the woman at the time management seminar talked about balancing a social life with school and work life - we need social lives or else we will go mad. For an example, please see me right now. 

I've opened up my heart oh so many times and now it's closed

Sadness HQ = the kitchen table, surrounded by books in different languages with a painful thumb. 

It started off as such a lovely day too. I got eight and a half hours of sleep. I understood Latin. I understood Greek! I chatted with Sarah and Dio and answered correctly when Surtees asked me questions.

Lewin showed up at 11:30 and stayed until 2:45ish. It was very nice. Nice to just talk to her and do a bit of ranting. And see her, obviously. She is not so bad when she is actually around.

Whenever I come home I get really down. I'm not sure why. Maybe because this place sucks and I hate it. I hate Bolton. I hate my father. I HATE EVERYTHING. Mostly I just hate the fact that whenever I talk to Anna lately she ends up making me feel really depressed about the whole disgustingly sorrowful Peter affair. It's fucked up that talking to my best friend can make me feel that way... indirectly of course, but it still sucks. 

Well what is great is that Subway called today and I am going in next Thursday to discuss times etc. I believe. It will be good because I will have money. It will be bad because I will not have a life. But at least I will have these things:

• my G1
• books
• a tattoo
• Bubble Tea <3 
• my trip in five years' time
• gifts for friends and family
• the little fund I'm setting up for Emi
• a nest egg in case of possible houseage or marriage
• CDs
• credit card?

And last... but not least... very important...

• a ticket to Thessaloniki... maybe? 

Remember Mrs. Lot when she turned around?

Nights are apparently not good times for me to be... alive? Hah no... bad way to put it. 

I've just found myself - YET AGAIN - in a terrible mood. In the evening. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the fact that I don't have anything to distract me from all the things I try to forget about when I'm involved in something else. 

Schoolwise, life's been grand. The discussion group was actually really good yesterday. It was a lot more relaxed, and the new girl in the group is a really nice English major. I feel like I'm getting to know everyone and I'm not so intimidated by Megan and Barry anymore. 

Myth lecture was hilarious as usual. Tordoff talking about gangster Hades curb-crawling Persephone. And about Tom Cruise. All the usual random humour. Love that guy.

History today... was history. I must say though, I do prefer McPherson to Stephen. Stephen's lectures lack structure. It's hard to go all over the place while taking notes! I'm just worried about this 62-page article I have to read for Tuesday by E.P. Thompson. It's called "The Moral Economy of the British Crown". Delightful. Colin called it the article that would make us want to drop the course. Unfortunately that's not really an option for me! 

Speaking of Colin, I finally went to get my history books today and THEY WERE NOT THERE. Sold out! The profs only ordered 280 and there are 360 of us. ARGH. Now I have to wait until next week. But Germinal was there for some ridiculous reason so I bought it for only $12.60. Really pissed about Home, Work and Play and Writing History not being there though. At least we don't have to have any more of that done for next week's tutorial.

Today I had that green tea frozen yogurt. It was very great. 

Apparently Lew's coming to see me at York tomorrow. I haven't seen her since New Year's. We've been a bit shaky recently. I don't know if I should trust her when she says she's coming... she's notorious for just not showing up. But even if I talk shit behind her back sometimes, I really just want to see her. I don't know why I just keep feeling this way but I have just recently become aware of how alone I am, of how cut off from everything and everyone I am. I'm just constantly arguing with Anna because I don't tell her things. She says it's not about the things themselves, but the fact that I don't trust her and that it affects our relationship on a deeper level.

Conclusion: I suck at relationships... all of them. 

Oh, Clodius...

Currently seated in the Student Centre on the second floor. Very fun(ish), but fried food is tempting. Actually, I'm more tempted by the Yogen Fruz. Green tea frozen yogurt... mmm. Must resist! Especially since I already spent about six bucks on lunch today. I had a Greek salad. It was Greek... a.k.a. very tasty. ;) 

Yesterday was a considerably better and less-tired day. I had my tutorial with Colin who is, as he was last week, fantastic and very friendly and I think I've been blessed with excellent profs and TAs. We watched a bit of a film called Ikwe which was about Native relations with British colonists. Yes, I have somehow been tricked into taking Canadian history. Haha joking aside, our course is mostly centered on the Brits. 

Today's been pretty fab. I got my Greek quiz back - 93% FTW! I hope I can maintain marks like that all year hahaha.... imagine? Humanities tutorial was entertaining. We talked about Theogony and Works and Days a bit more before going into Hymn to Demeter, which I rather thoroughly enjoyed. Fisher was describing the Eleusinian Mysteries at one point and I asked if they were comparable to the Bona Dea, which lead us going off on a tangent about Clodius Pulcher's infiltration of the ceremony when Pompeia Sulla and Aurelia Cotta headed it on behalf of Caesar... good times! I love that Clodius!

I've got that ridiculous discussion group in twelve minutes. It's not so ridiculous but I really don't want to go. I want a bit more of a break haha. Though I'd probably just waste my time anyway. 

This weekend I've got some hardcore general study to do. I'm still a bit iffy on the Latin declensions... and as for the Greek declensions... all I can say is, "Hahaha... NO."

Burn Out

Today was one of the most exhausting days of my life. Despite the fact that we were up early yesterday morning and spent the whole day at Nonno and Nonna's making sauce and then eating a meal together, I just couldn't fall asleep last night. Result? Twelvish hours of sleep over 48 hours. NOT what I'm used to. 

I only vaguely remember today. I had a Greek quiz and I'm sure I aced it. I feel a little bad because Dionysos asked me for help over the weekend and I did all I could for him but I think he was still confused by all the grammatical terms being in Latin (i.e. ultima, antepenult, etc). Hopefully he did alright. He is a really nice guy. I've said it before but I'm so happy that there are REAL people at university. 

Humanities lecture was hilarious - Tordoff ran it again, of course. He's got such an energy about him... a real zeal for teaching this stuff. I hope that if I DO end up getting my PhD and becoming a professor I can be like him. 

Tomorrow is a History Day. YES. I will see Colin, my love forever. Unfortunately I still don't have my textbooks. Bah!

Bedtime now. Hopefully I'll drift off quickly. I don't think I can handle another day of exhaustion.

Nights like these are what life is

Hey chums. I didn't write again yesterday. Hahahahaha. Well I suppose every other day is sufficiently consistent! Plus this is mostly for me. And anyone who finds their way over here I guess. But still... me!

Yesterday was lovely etc. Really it was just Latin and Greek as per usual. I have a quiz in Greek on Monday. Ach!!! A bit nervous, really. But I know the verb endings! -ω, -εις, -ει, -ομεν, -ετε, -ουσι(ν). I should be fine. I hope. *gulp*

Last night I went down into T-dot for an evening with Anna and Edie. I actually hadn't seen Edie for about nine months for various reasons. Lewin was supposed to show up, but of course... she didn't. Very typical of her. Things like that are why I got fed up with even trying to maintain some semblance of a relationship with her. I mean really, I'm sure we all love sucking cock but we're not going to ditch our "best friends" of eight years for it are we? 

(I'm not serious... I don't really "love" sucking cock. Not the actual act itself anyway. There are some good aspects I suppose? I don't know, I've only done it a couple of times. Shutting up now.)

(Totally love how I can be honest here because really no one reads this.)

In any case last night was just really nice. We just had a nice dinner at Hoops and laughed and talked. Hung out in the parking lot for a bit, grabbed some coffee at Timmie's, took our time getting back to Anna's on Keele. Random men honking. It was just such a nice evening I think. After Edie went home, Anna and I watched 300 and talked about a variety of intelligent things (of course) before finally going to sleep. 

I just really like being allowed to forget about things for a little while at least. Tonight I'll pay dearly though. I've a lot to get done. Mostly Greek. Though apparently I have to read Works and Days by Monday for my Myth class? News to me, really. I just saw it on the syllabus. 

Happy readings then, lovelies.

"This morning I chopped off my father's bit!"

I'm not even going to make excuses for not having written a blog yesterday. I actually had NO time. Wednesdays are my hectic days, for sure. I hardly had a break at all.

Tuesday I had my first history tutorial. We didn't do much but I kind of really love my TA, Colin. He's kind of amazing in that he's a third year PhD student and very sexy in a scholarly way. Also he's funny. Everyone in tutorial had a good time I think, haha.

Latin yesterday was pretty typical. Nothing extremely new. Same with Greek. I did find a few more Classical Studies majors in that class though - Vicky (who is Greek) and Sarah (straight from Britain!) 

I had a quick lunch at the car while switching books before dashing to Vanier for my humanities tutorial. That was alright. I had to do a diagnostic essay on an excerpt from Ovid's Ajax versus Ulysses. I think I wrote too much - what else is new! Hahaha. There's one guy in that tutorial that pisses me off though. He talks like a bad-mannered fourteen-year-old (i.e. "chick", "boobies", "popping out babies") and I even think he's older than the rest of us. He disgusts me. Dr. Fisher told him off for the way he spoke anyway. I laughed. At least in the tutorial I met yet another CSer - Natalia. After tutorial I met her friend (I forgot his name) who is also into CS but I'm actually unsure as to whether or not he's majoring in it.

At 3pm I had that volunteer discussion group thing. It was pretty cool. Megan and Barry are nice. I can't talk much about it though - confidentiality rule!

Finally I had my Myth lecture at 4:30. Professor Tordoff lectured this time - an audible gasp went up from the women in the audience when he started talking and we discovered he was EXTREMELY British. I really like Fisher but Tordoff brought the lecture alive with his silly expressions about Kronos cutting off Ouranos' genitals and Kronos eating a rock he thought was Zeus. He had us all laughing many times. I'm really glad I have good profs for that class!

I've just got a history lecture today. Meh. Not REALLY looking forward to it. I still don't have the books. Oops. But I should get them soon, I want Colin to like me because he is an excellent TA and I can only thank him by being an excellent student. I think I have a weird perspective on attractive scholarly people. I don't want them in the pants, I just want them to respect me the way I respect them. Strange! 

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad...

Very bad, apparently! I didn't post yesterday. Shame on me! I shall just write everything today I suppose.

Yesterday was... a very great day! Latin was a hoot and a half, as usual. Professor Lewis used a Mickey Mouse song to help us remember verb endings. O, S, T, M-U-S, T-I-S, N-T! She even had a little doll thing that she made dance. And then she asked someone to give her a transitive pattern and Min shouted, "I LOVE YOU!" and she answered, "Thanks, I love you too!" (I love you is transitive... obviously.)

Greek was spectacular. Ish. The very nice girl Jennifer who says a cheery "Good morning!" to everyone who walks in was sitting in the chair that I usually sat in, so I took a seat a couple of rows back. I ended up chatting to Jen about a potential costume part at Halloween for the Greek class. The theme - the gods, of course. :D I think we were just joking but on second thought it might be a brilliant idea. Then Dionysos eventually came in and sat in my row and then I realized with horror that I was sitting in a row with no less than THREE Greek people. Which terrified and intimidated me a little bit... i.e. a lot. Especially when it turned out that we had to read a section of a story about Zeus and a camel out loud. I read before the three Greeks so I know I turned very red, but Professor Surtees didn't correct me even once so I must have been doing something right. What's more, all three of the Greeks struggled! I think it's the vowels. I know how they feel - like them, my instinct is to pronounce the eta "ee", not "ey". Not sure why that is exactly - maybe because I was in Greece a couple of years ago, or because Peter's Greek and that's the way he speaks it. So I didn't feel so bad.

After Greek I decided to just chill out at Central Square and wait for Mom (we were meeting for lunch) so I found a random bench and took out my iCaesar. In my peripheral vision I noticed Dionysos walking around the area. I kind of felt bad because I'd never said hi to him in person (not that I really had a great opportunity to do so), especially since he's in my major and there aren't many of us around. All of a sudden I looked up and there he was! So I've finally met him, and he is such a nice and interesting guy! We chatted for about five minutes and he was very courteous. I was very happy to finally talk to him... talking only on Facebook is just strange.

I ate lunch with Mom outside at 12ish before switching my books at the car and going to the library. I did some Latin there, but only the lesson. Not the exercises. Which means a ton of homework tonight... hahahahaha. Latin AND Greek. Oh well. ANYWAY. I chatted to Anna for a bit on MSN as well, which was nice. Oh and Pan came to visit me here at 2pm, just quickly. He stayed for about forty minutes. It was nice to see him. I don't want to talk about it much here though, it will just bring up bad feelings.

I went to my Myth + Imagination lecture and saw Dionysos - he said a very nice, "Hi, how are you?", and I hate to sound crazy but it made me really happy to know that there are gentlemen out there still. The lecture was fun - we learned a bit about Dionysos (the god, not my peer haha) and Athena, as well as some general characteristics of the gods and the worship of them. 

Afterwards I went home. Actuallly we went to Subway first and I dropped off my resume - Mallorie is getting me a job once again. Hahaha I'm really indebted to her kindness. After THAT I went home... ate dinner, got ready for today, did some reading for history, talked to Anna on the phone... and then it was late so I went to bed. I really did not get much done. I can't have nights like that too often or else I'll be fucked. I already have a lot of work to look forward to when I get home... Latin and Greek mostly, and maybe some reformatting of my Myth lecture notes. The latter can wait though. 

Today's a History day. Lecture at 11:30, tutorial at 2:30. Hopefully I won't get much work (see above). I plan to do some reading after I'm done writing this... Theogony, mostly. If I finish I'll read this Academic Resource thing on York's website I've been meaning to look into. There are honestly so many free things here to help us out. I actually went to the Centre for Academic Writing this morning and applied for a tutor. Should help!

Anyway, off to do some reading... well, I might peruse Socialmoth first. I really need to kick that habit.

Oh and how about the end of the world that might happen tomorrow? Ha!

Well I seriously hope not...

Fresh Start?

I'm going to skip an intro and go right into the crux of what's going on lately - someone I loved very much hurt me recently, mostly because I hurt him first without meaning to. It's crap. I'm not exactly sure what's going on. I don't know where I stand with him anymore. Everything has been pretty upside down since Thursday. It's a hard cross to bear, especially since this whole issue has resulted in my discovery that I am a cold, closed person. It pains me so much to even write that, because I can't believe that I'm the one who put myself in the position of being so heartbreakingly alone. Why? I have some underlying issues, I know. I'm working on it, but in some respects it could be too late.

Class on Friday was my only incentive to drag myself out of bed. Last night, working on my Latin homework while finally pouring my heart out to Anna about this whole situation quelled my emotions and gave me some stability. For the first night in three nights, I didn't cry myself to sleep. 

I'm thinking that once again, my education is becoming my anchor. Going to school is just my priority. But haven't I run into trouble with that one?

"I can stay if you want me to."

I said no. Of course. Why would I be so selfish and tell him to give up a great education? Because I loved him? Well, I did, and that's why I let him go without doing anything, wasn't it?

I don't know. I never wanted this blog to be about my emotions. Or about this roller coaster ride that my friendship with someone has become. I suppose I can't help it. Blogs are about life. This is part of my life. 

I think I've hurt a lot of people in my lifetime. I'm trying to ignore the fact that this last thing has had an effect on me as well. It makes me feel selfish. I've got this hang-up about being selfish don't I?

I don't even know why I posted today. Just to say, I fucking love school and it is my point in life. Yeah, that's it.

I'm a bad person...

... because I didn't post yesterday.

Sincere apologies, but some pretty stupid shit stuff has happened lately.

Don't really want to talk about it, but I might not post here tomorrow.

Latin and Greek class went well though.

Oof...

... it is LATE. 

But I promised I'd write today, didn't I? Ach and merde. Okay well I will give a quick rundown.

So yesterday was the first day of classes. Jolly good! Latin at 9:30 with Anne-Marie Lewis was a party and a half. Or not. BUT Jyoti is in that class with me so I sat with her and a girl she'd met (Kate) so I had people to talk to. I feel a lot less nervous now because everyone in there looked petrified and I don't feel scared of Latin in the slightest. I figure if I can learn French...? It looks like it's going to be a lot of fun though. Professor Lewis is very charismatic. She came in the room speaking Latin to us. And she mentioned Caesar! I love her already of course.

10:30 was Classical Greek with Professor Allison Surtees. She seems very nice. The room (Ross N145) is huge and pretty as well. Too big - meanwhile my Latin classroom is cramped! Anyway we didn't stay long there - only half an hour - because Surtees let us out to go buy books. I already had mine, teehee. She kind of scared me a bit though. She's very straightforward and plainly told us that it would be a difficult course if we didn't keep up.

After Greek I kind of just chilled out under a tree outside and ate my lunch. I spent some time on the floor of Vari Hall before heading to my Myth and Imagination tutorial. Lo and behold, one of my professors - Dr. Fisher - leads my tutorial. Success! Good news. However he let us out after only fifteen minutes as opposed to two hours because we hadn't had a lecture yet. Still, he was very nice and told us a bit about the course and advised us to start reading Theogony by Hesiod.

I proceeded from Vanier to another tree under whcih I sat until I ventured to the library and getting NOTHING done (haha). Ashley texted me so I met her at the Student Centre and had a vitamin water. Can I just say, I LOVE vitamin water. But not the actual brand called Vitamin Water. I like the Aquafina Plus - it's not as syrupy, and Sakura in York Lanes sells it for $1.98 a bottle. A rival to Bubble Tea! Anyway, after Ashley finished her lunch we went to chill out at Vanier Field where we met Joey, a fourth-year from Ashley's college (Founders) who was very nice and funny. 

I headed back to the library until it was time for my lecture at 4:30. HUGE class. 425 people! Lecture hall was packed. Prof Fisher did the little introduction thing and was very humourous. He talked a bit about Theogony and about Pan (the god, not Peter's friend haha), and about the course obviously. I am very excited for it, it looks like it is going to be extremely fun.

I was finally done for the day, but exhausted. I got home rather late by my standards, and then took a shower after dinner, so it was probably 8:30ish when I started to take a look at my homework. The Greek really threw me for a loop. I panicked - a lot. The alphabet seemed easy enough but the accents and syllables... O_O 

Up until this morning I was worried, but then I went to the library (my history lecture didn't start until 11:30) and worked on the Greek and... I UNDERSTAND IT! I actually came home today and took notes from the lessons (for Latin as well) and it makes so much more sense. I guess I just needed to clear my mind. 

History lecture was alright. The syllabus is what I was expecting from a Social and Cultural History course. Interesting enough, I suppose. Better than 1010 anyway. I've heard enough about war and revolution from Rettig, thanks! After lecture I just kind of chilled out... ate lunch in Curtis after opting out of the YFS health plan, then spent the rest of my time in the library studying Latin and reading Theogony.

So it's been a good first two days, schoolwise. Personal lifewise, my life has really gone downhill. I don't even want to talk about it, but it just seems like some people are making excuses and becoming completely different people all of a sudden. People I can't trust for shit. I suppose I can't do anything about it, but today for the first time in my life I actually felt like I was completely alone in the world. It was not a nice feeling. I would have broken down if I was that type of person. 

In any case, I hope this passes. I'm kind of happy one moment but sad when I think about the way things are going outside of school. I shouldn't have to worry about other people and their decisions. Ice queen, come on!!! 

Ugh.

Okay. Writing a post this evening just isn't practical. I have a bunch of stuff I want to review, and I'm exhausted, and I need to sleep, and I got home late because my lecture didn't let out early.

I have a lot of free time after my history lecture tomorrow though. I think I'll update then. Because really... I'm pooped!

What the hell?

I just wrote a really long entry and suddenly Safari quit unexpectedly. UGH.

Well, that makes me angry. I cannot sit here on the floor of Vari Hall and type it all out again.

Maybe it was for the better though. It's somewhat silly to have told you about only part of my day. I'll probably post from home so I can talk about the Myth + Imagination lecture I'm going to in forty-five minutes.

Until then, I suppose1

Ch-ch-changes

I'm in a bit of a crap/ exhausted mood today so I'm going to try to be semi-bubbly, but I can't promise anything.

Today was York Day. Hurray! I went down to the Information Fair at Tait, perused the choice of groups, met Dori from the UHSA, got some free stuff, and ran into Dale, which was a good thing. We mostly walked around, then we met up with her friend before going to find their classes. We met some idiots who were under the impression that classes started today and were waiting for their profs. Haha! What losers! Anyway, we went for lunch at the Student Centre (I had souvlaki from the Greek place), then went to Scott Library (they hadn't been there) before splitting up. I mostly just chilled out and fiddled around with my iPod. Checked out my history books in the bookstore. They are so small, which is not really very helpful considering that on Tuesdays and Thursdays it's my only class anyway.

It was a good day I guess. I've kind of had a shadow over me since I spoke to Anna of her very strange night last night, and since Peter's started acting weird. I should just stop worrying about other people. Yes, I should.

I think I'm just realizing again how much things have changed and are still changing. It's not that I'm scared, it's that I don't like the way things are going.

Oh well. Classes start tomorrow, and I am very excited!

Nervous!

September 1st - finally! I feel like September has taken forever to come around. Two more sleeps until classes start! I know, it's all I've been saying.

I added this guy Dionysos to Facebook a while back - he's also a Classical Studies major. I found out today that he's going to be in my Greek class. Which is nice since I don't really know anyone in that class. At the same time, I'm kind of nervous. This guy is Greek - born there and lived there and everything. Yet he's been placed in Elementary Classical Greek. Obviously Modern and Classical are different, but I thought it would at least give him an advantage, perhaps getting placed in the 2000-level. So I'm kind of nervous. I have NO experience with Greek, really... how am I going to stand up to someone like him?

Maybe I'm just disoriented and thrown off by the alphabet. It could be just as easy as French was. Though I did have eight years to learn French. Ah I don't know!

I suppose I'm just getting last-minute jitters. 

Anyway, tomorrow is "York Day". The student clubs and stuff will be set up at the Tait Mackenzie Centre. There will be free things. I'll probably go check it out - I'm interested in joining the Classical Studies Student Association and the Undergraduate History Students Association.

"I see you shiver with antici.......pation."

Hehehe. Happy days. Seated at my kitchen table with my lovely iCaesar and iCleopatra. iAntony is around as well.

So! Three more sleeps until classes start! I am dreadfully excited. This summer was probably the longest of my life. I'm just so excited to get in there and LEARN!

People think I'm weird for being like that though. I guess I'm a "nerd"? Well, no one has ever called me that but they just chuckled at me. I can't see why. I mean... finally I'll be doing something I WANT to do in school. It's not going to be a chore for me, it's going to be FUN. Are people just jealous? Are they stuck in programs they hate? Or do they think I should be looking forward to wasting my time drinking and partying?

I sure won't be doing that. I place a lot of value on my education. I don't really care what anyone else thinks. I want to someday get my PhD and be a professor - damned if anyone's stupid ideas of what I should be doing get in my way.

Anyway, since I haven't posted it here yet... here's my schedule!

Monday

9:30 - 10:30 - Elementary Latin
10:30 - 11:30 - Elementary Classical Greek
4:30 - 5:30 Myth and Imagination in Ancient Greece and Rome

Tuesday

11:30 - 12:30 - Life, Love, and Labour: Introduction to Social and Cultural History
2:30 - 4:30 - Life, Love, and Labour tutorial

Wednesday

9:30 - 10:30 - Elementary Latin
10:30 - 11:30 - Elementary Classical Greek
12:30 - 2:30 - Myth and Imagination Tutorial
4:30 - 5:30 Myth and Imagination in Ancient Greece and Rome

Thursday

11:30 - 12:30 - Life, Love, and Labour: Introduction to Social and Cultural History

Friday

9:30 - 10:30 - Elementary Latin
10:30 - 11:30 - Elementary Classical Greek

Doesn't it all just look so exciting!? 

"You're so fine, and you're mine..."

Hey friends! Guess what! I am writing this from my new Macbook!!! I have named him Caesar in honour of... well, Caesar.

I'm just so happy. I had to borrow money from a third party in order to get it before classes start, but my scholarship will cover that when it comes in.

I am just so excited to have this. It's like... it's MINE. And no one else's. No one can touch this. No one can snoop around. This is for ME!!! And I got some lovely discounts and a free 8GB iPod Touch. SHWEEEET.

I'm quite exhausted today. We went to Wonderland as part of Frosh. I have a new Vanier friend haha! Her name is Michelle, and I spent pretty much the whole day with her and Mikey. We were also with Evan and Mary (Mikey's Atkinson buddies) for a while. It was really great seeing all the other colleges around and waving hello. We played mini-golf for only $3.50! And the VP Social of Vanier sat behind me on the bus back to York and he is very attractive if I may say so myself. Oh no... back away high school hang-ups!

Anyway, I don't think I'm going to Niagara tomorrow as part of Frosh. Can't be arsed, really. Plus we get home late. It's mostly for people who aren't from the GTA I think. 

CLASSES START IN THREE DAYS!!!

Excited. As. HELL.   

Home, Sweet Home

Hm. Quite a change of scenery today. I am currently holed up on the fifth floor of YorkU's Scott Library. Why, you ask? Well I wanted to come down here to participate in part of Vanier's Frosh. From noon to 8:30pm today was a downtown tour. I came in with Mom bright and early at 8am, and hung around for a few hours before I realized a few things:

1. I am not feeling well
2. It's raining, and this tour is via TTC/ on foot
3. I have lived in the GTA all my life and actually lived IN Toronto, very close to York, for four years. Therefore, walking around familiar territory and taking pictures has no appeal. I've already got thousands of photos of the same stuff - in my head as well as in my albums.

So I opted out of going. I feel like a bit of an idiot for it though. I came down here for nothing, pretty much. Still, it was nice to get out of the house. I also managed to buy a course kit and an answer key I needed for two of my courses (I just have one thing left to buy). I chilled out at Second Cup (where a VERY attractive young man seems to work) and finished off The Magdalene Legacy. Met Mom for a nice lunch - tofu teriyaki. (Random interruption - this foreign guy just came up to me and asked if I knew where to check books out. Hahaha. I told him I was a first-year and had no idea. Which I don't... really. Ish.) Called Emi, called Anna. Now I'm just hanging around until my father comes at 3:30. We're buying my laptop FINALLY at a store here called Data Integrity. This is a very long story though. I may save it it for another entry.

So I came up here to Scott to grab a book so I could kill some time. I wanted to find The First Man in Rome or Fortune's Favourites by Colleen McCullough, but neither are here. I've got The Grass Crown here beside me. Not sure whether or not I'm going to take it out though. I know I did start the Masters of Rome mid-series but if I'm going to go back and read the Sullan and Marian parts of it I'd like to do it correctly. I may just put this back on the shelf and grab Zorba the Greek instead.

It's strange though. I feel pretty disoriented here... yet at the same time, it seems familiar. That's what I like about York. I do often feel very lost, but at other times I feel like I know where everything is.

It could be because my mother's worked here since the 80's. But I think it's because I came to a camp here for seven years.

York Youth Connection - good times! We scampered about the campus always. Tait Mackenzie for a swim everyday. Camp rooms in Vanier and Winters and even places I don't really remember. The unveiling of the Moose! I wonder if anyone remembers those Moose things we had going. I wonder if the York Moose is still around?

What's funny about coming back here at age 18 - having last been here at 14 - is that everything seemed so much bigger in my mind's eye. Yet I come here and it's not that big at all. I suppose it's because I was small back then!

But really, in conclusion, I'm really grateful that everything has a tinge of familiarity. Otherwise I'd be as lost as some of the people I see walking around here.

Quo Vadis?

Day 2 of this blog and I am keeping regular. Joy of joys! I had a LiveJournal once and on the second day I'd already slacked off in terms of posting daily. Bad me. Very strange, really, considering I once had a diary so regular that I wrote in it everyday for three years straight. Needless to say I'm not very proud of some of the things written in there. Relationships with guys way older, silly teenage whining, etc.

I find it a bit odd to come to a blog with a purpose in mind. I feel it to be... uncreative. I tend to be quite creative when I write, even in Facebook wallposts. I like to be witty and sarcastic. I suppose I could still do that here I guess. Even though the topics don't really fit my stream of consciousness style, the actual content could.

Anyway, today I feel like talking about why exactly I am doing what I'm doing. As my major, I mean. A lot of people give me some weird looks when I tell them Classical Studies and History. One guy at Frosh on Monday actually said, "Really? WHOA. That's crazy. That's just insane."

Well, why?

It could be because most people hate history. Maybe they just haven't found a specific culture or time period they'd enjoy. I mean... I hate Canadian and American history. Crap if you ask me, besides the Roaring Twenties. Compared to the stuff I like, it is DRY.

Another thing is that most history majors seem to be going into history just because they can't figure out what else to do. Bothers me, a bit. But what can you do?

I'm going into History because... well... I love it. It's actually my life. By now I doubt I could even think of a life in which I didn't constantly read history books or make historical references in daily conversation. It's just an incomprehensible thought.

I often like to look back and think about why exactly I even started to be interested in history in the first place. I don't know, it makes me feel special to say, "Well, I have loved history for THIS MANY YEARS! I'm a bloody prodigy! Look at me!" For the most part, I credited it to Grade 5 Social Studies at St. Francis de Sales with Madame Carano. We learned about Ancient Egypt.

Recently, however, I was watching television with my mother one night last week and Titanic was on. The film came out when I was seven years old and I do own it on VHS, but because of its sheer length I don't watch it very often. Mom was watching it though, so I decided to sit through it, and memories came flooding back to me. After Titanic came out, I was intrigued by the actual event. I recall reading about fifty books on it - at age seven, this was quite a lot. No Internet either. I actually remember the librarian who worked at my school - St. Martha's, at the time - pulling out all the books on the Titanic from our shelves and letting me borrow them longer than the usual time frame. I think he let me keep a few.

So at age seven, I was reading about the Titanic, her sister ships, and the Unsinkable Molly Brown avidly. Huh. How's that for early?

My previously mentioned Social Science unit on Ancient Egypt lead me in a different direction. I'd never really thought about ancient history before. Around the time we started this unit, I watched a film called The Mummy for the first time. Besides becoming obsessed with Brendan Fraser (he was a hottie at the time), I was taken over by an impulse to learn as much as possible about the Egyptians. I ordered every book I could through Scholastic book orders, bought more at Chapters (which was a new chain then), and always interjected with more information during my teacher's lessons. I also fell in love with Antony and Cleopatra at age 11, a strange affection that's stayed with me since then.

Egypt was a huge part of my life. Halloween - I was Cleopatra. A kitten I found in our backyard - I named her Nefertari. Chat rooms - my screen name was "dark_egyptian_princess". My twelfth birthday? We went to the Royal Ontario Museum and chilled out at the Egyptian exhibit. Even the way I did my eyeliner when I first started wearing it (at 14 years old) was reminiscient of the Egyptian style of cosmetics. In fact, I still wear my eyeliner that way. I'm just lucky it suits the shape of my eyes.

It hurts me a bit to think that I'm not solely interested in Egypt anymore. When I first broke away from that specific field, it was like a break up. Titanic was just my puppy love fling. Egypt was my first love.

I can't really pinpoint when I started to drift towards the Tudors. I think any history lover looks into them at some point. Perhaps dysfunctional families are a theme I enjoy. Henry VIII and his six wives, the rage of Queen Mary, the rise of Queen Elizabeth... that held my heart for a while. I do still have a fondness for the Tudors. The television show The Tudors is actually one of my favourites. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is just one of those actors over whom I can't help but gush, and the woman playing Katherine of Aragon... oh, I just love her. So while I'm not particularly obsessed over that era (one of my good friends is, actually - she's going to OttawaU for Medieval Studies), I do quite enjoy it.

I think I am drawn to tragedy, for next on my list were the Romanovs of Imperial Russia. Once again, a film is responsible - the animation Anastasia which I would now describe as a travesty lead me to investigate this princess. I ended up reading my first huge history book about Tsarina Alexandra... a great biography I think. I've got quite a few films on the Romanovs, and so many photos... especially of Alexei. And I can't help but cry when I think about them and how they died. I love reading about them. I can't even explain it, but I love every member of that family as if I know them. Recently the bodies of Anastasia and Alexei were found. I'm saddened to know that they didn't escape, but at the same time happy that they're at peace and that they never had to miss their family or relive the horrors of the Ekaterinburg basement. Like Tudor England, the Romanovs aren't exactly on my front burner, but are still a big part of my passion for history.

After Russia, I took a vacation back to Egypt to visit my perpetual Queen Cleopatra. Learned quite a bit about the Egyptian religion that I hadn't known before. Did a lot more reading. I ended up looking into her ancestry and came upon Alexander the Great, and through him... the Greeks. Oh, what can I even say about the Greeks! They need no introduction. They are just the Greeks. Enlightened, democratic, proud, yet all so different. There's a Greek tribe for every palate, I like to say. Athenians, Spartans... take your pick! My interest in Greece seems odd to me though, because unlike all my other favourite historical periods, I care NOTHING for their politics. Yay democracy... the end? Honestly, Pericles was great but that's about it. Rather I love their culture, their philosophy, and their mythology. Their OWN history. The Myceneans, the Achaeans, the Trojan War. And their monarchy, where it existed... yes, I am a huge and unashamed monarchist. Forgive me!

I think it was Grade 10 when I read The Memoirs of Cleopatra by Margaret George. A recommendation if I have one. I fell in love with Cleopatra and with Antony all over again. But I also fell in love with someone else - Caesar. That brings us to the present day, doesn't it? Rome. I found Rome. I hated them previously. Barbarians compared to Greeks, and of course Octavian was an EVIL bastard for all the propoganda he promoted against Cleopatra. But finally I started to read a lot about them, and I don't know how I ever got along without them! They just fit so nicely into my heart... oh I just love them and I cannot say it enough. First it was their culture, maybe. But it's spread. I love their entire history, their weird sense of morals, their military style and strength... their hilarious politics! The Late Republic is probably my favourite Roman period (Likewise, HBO's Rome is my favourite TV show despite its inaccuracies). I'm ashamed to say I didn't care much about the Empire until this summer when I read an entire history of Rome. I should have done that sooner, really. All my lovely Romans are fantastic, whether they be under monarchy, Republic, or Empire.

Gosh, I am really gabbing away here aren't I? Well, one last similar paragraph probably.

A few years ago, a book by Dan Brown called The Da Vinci Code came out. I don't need to discuss what it's about, I'm sure EVERYONE knows by now haha. But with that book came my re-entrance into the world of religion. Compounded with my discovery of The Secret Magdalene by Ki Longfellow (that book changed my life) and the 12U English seminar I did on The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels, Gnosticism became something that means so much more to me than Catholicism ever could. It's not that I practice it. I definitely cannot practice it. I can't abandon the many pleasures of the flesh. But it is the undeniable Truth of Gnosticism that I can't help but want to read about over and over and over again. I am reading The Magdalene Legacy by Laurence Gardner right now, and I am really loving it. Seriously... I recommend every book possible about the Gnostics and their beliefs.

After writing all this, I'm going to say something funny: despite my love for the above-mentioned subjects, I did not seriously consider going into History until this time last year.

What the hell!?

I know. I'd always thought English, maybe. Or writing. I considered Russian Studies for a while. Anthropology.

Then in summer of 2006, I went on a family vacation to Rome and Greece. Between standing in front of the Parthenon and overlooking the Old Forum, I asked myself: "Quo vadis?" (Latin for "Where are you going?")

Where was I going? Away from where I wanted to go, probably! But on that trip and thereafter I did a lot of thinking and I realized that there was nothing I wanted to do more than to spend the rest of my life doing what I already did - love history.

So there's the very long and detailed story of my historical background. And of why I am doing what I have always been meant to do.

"The way must be tried"

An introduction is probably in order here. However I'd rather skip it. I'd like any potential readers to get to know me over time, as I post here.

I've created this blog for one purpose, really - to chronicle the next frive years of my life. In exactly seven days, I will begin my post-secondary education at York University, in Toronto, which is my hometown. (As a sidenote, 'tentanda via' was York's motto until recently... now it's 'define the possible' or something equally pretentious... anyway the other one is obviously better as it's in Latin).

Hm. I can't really figure out why those first two paragraphs seem so formal and bland. Hopefully I'll lose that over time. For some reason I feel like I need to be polite, as if I'm meeting a new person or something. Weird, eh? I've got a completely non-polite other blog on MySpace so I can't see why this is any different. Perhaps because I want it to be all scholarly. Hahaha. Well I'm not sure exactly how that's going to work as I go along.

Well... I am very excited about next week and what it will mean! I'm going to York for an Honours Double Major in Classical Studies and History. Everytime I say it, I feel like it's a bloody dream come true. Looking back over time, I've been in love with history since I was seven. That's eleven years. That's a really long time. I'll probably end up describing how I got into history and when I finally decided to go in that direction in university, but I'd like to save that for another post. Just because I don't want to run out of things to talk about so quickly. This post should be strictly introductory - the who and the whys and the whens.

When... good question! When will I be posting? I really don't know. I'd like to keep posts going up regularly (unlike my MySpace blog, hahaha), but so many things can come in the way of that. This week should be alright - besides Frosh (which has been really great so far... will touch on that later) I've got nothing going on. Just like all summer!

(I was unemployed, just did a lot of historical reading but I'm also flat broke and that's lead to many issues)

So, basically... this week I'll likely post every day, but once classes start I can't promise anything. Though I will [hopefully] have a laptop as well as huge gaps between classes... so it is possible that I will be able to talk about things as they are happening. Thrilling!!!

Alright. Well, I think this intro bit is done. Small posts, Leah, small posts... I wonder what my topic for tomorrow shall be? Oh, so much potential...

Goodbye for now, I guess. I have to cut myself off before I spoil everything!