Note to self.

Update tomorrow.

:D I'm funny.

I'm still bloody terrible at this

I still don't update often enough. Bah.

Well. I was going to retype my whole spiel about my history paper that somehow got deleted from my last blog, but I'll skip it and just inform you that even though Colin scared the crap out of me and made me think I'd gotten a D, I really pulled off an A. BECAUSE I AM JUST THAT AWESOME! And a history genius.

It was really nice to see Colin again. I missed him! He is just such a genuinely nice person and I like hearing what he has to say about what we've been doing in class. Also he was really happy that I started that topic about Germinal on Moodle once I'd finished reading it. Apparently the profs were really happy with him and the rest of the TAs were jealous. Ha! Wonder if that had anything to do with the A I got... nah, just kidding.

Wednesday was fine, obv. Latin and Greek still make sense, thankfully. Had a good tutorial with Fisher and then just spent the rest of the day goofing around with Natalia and Mike. We didn't go to lecture because they were screening Full Metal Jacket and we'd already watched it. Earlier that morning I bought a regular chai latte from Second Cup. I put two packets of Splenda in it and shook some cinnamon on top. Just so you know - it's an orgasm. In a fucking cup. It was amazing. I had one this morning but there was no cinnamon, only vanilla powder :( IT'S NOT THE SAME! But the hot emo guy was working so I can get over the absence of cinnamon.

Lost was good Wednesday. Ooer. I can't even remember my days anymore.

Yesterday was history lecture and then doc appointment, which was fine. I just have blood in my urine and might die of kidney failure. Haha kidding. We don't know what's wrong with me but I've got to book an appointment with Dr. Langer so he can refer me to a urologist. Chances are nothing's wrong. Sometimes having a small amount of blood in one's urine is hereditary, and pretty much all of Dad's family has it. They've just got to be wary because I'm at risk of diabetes because of my PCOS. PCOS has to be the fucking worst non-fatal condition to have. It fucks up your life, seriously. Sometimes I don't know how I wake up in the morning. I'm just going to fall apart one day anyway!

Just a word of note - www.failblog.org and www.fmylife.com are two really fucking amazing websites for a few - i.e. nine thousand - good laughs.

I can't really think of anything else to say. I'm at 581 words in my essay. I sat staring at the screen for a while last night. Barely wrote anything. Couldn't focus. A few reasons why. Can't talk about them. General sexual frustration is probably the root problem. Amazing how much hold it can have over us. I need to shut myself off.

I am working tomorrow and it makes me want to cry. Between work and school, I won't have a day off until the 16th, which I will likely use to study for exams. (By the way, no midterm-period history exam, it will be on March 12th, and part two of the newspaper essay isn't due til the 10th, yay!)

I am contemplating booking Valentine's Day off, but I don't know yet whether or not I'll need a day off for a weekend exam. I just wanted to go chill with Anna on the 14th since we'll both be alone. And I was going to go downtown to buy a crop! Still not sure if I can take the day off though. We'll see. I hope the fucking inspector doesn't come tomorrow. I don't think he usually comes on a Saturday but he did that time I took the day off to meet my mates for Chrimb - December 20th, it was.

I am just really unsatisfied with my job. I need a new one.

Good news though - History of Astronomy is offered over SU term so I'll be taking it this summer :D

It's so good to be back!

So. I'm back at York! :D 

Actually, I was back yesterday, but a combination of being busy and being lazy and the fact that 24 was on really prevented me from writing anything (or doing any homework). 

It was so fantastic to be back yesterday. I was so happy to see the hustle and bustle. Everyone I know was in high spirits about being back (though there are occasional grumblings, not to mention the whole campaign to have YFS President Osman impeached). There were random camera crews everywhere though. It was annoying. I wish they would have just left us alone to continue our education in peace. They don't seem to be around today though. A good thing, in my opinion. Maybe the snow chased them away! (Speaking of which, it def took us TWO HOURS to get here today, as opposed to the usual forty minutes) 

Classes were good. Professor Lewis was happy to see us and we reviewed about 6 chapters of Latin. I think I'm going to be okay for the exam - I completed up to Chapter 16 on my own and we're only doing 14 by midterm. We've got an assignment for winter term though, damn.

Greek was fun because it's always been a very relaxed atmosphere as it is. Dionysos was up to his usual antics. Being friends with Viki now makes it more fun as well. I sat in a row with her, Sarah, Natalia, Elias, and Frank (the latter two are random Greek guys who major in kines, Elias in second year and Frank in third year). It's just fun and better than Sarah and I sitting in drowsy isolation in our little row, or in the row behind it when the Greeks took it. But now they shan't since they're our friends :D What saddened me about Greek class was that Surtees looks like she must have dropped 10 to 15 pounds since the strike started. She wasn't big as it is. It's sad, because it means she just didn't have enough money to pay for both rent and food since she's contract. :( Poor CUPEs. I love them all. Anyway, we have to be up to Chapter 12 by midterm - nice, since I'm at Chapter 11!

After Greek was a five-hour break. I spent the first hour eating lunch alone, but then was joined by Natalia, Mike, and Viki at 12:30. Viki ended up leaving after a while but the other two and I just chilled in Vari killing that time. It goes by sooooooo slowly. But it's nice to spend it with them because we have a lot of random fun :D 

Anna came to visit at around 4:15 so I took her to Myth lecture. Myth lecture was like a speed-analysis through Books 18-24 of The Iliad. Tordoff was lecturing, naturally, despite his obvious case of the sniffles. He even read from the ancient Greek again, his accent is TOO funny. Surtees would be appalled! Then we got some fantastic fucking news about the new syllabus. Our Iliad essay isn't due til the 18th. YESSSS. I'm at 453 words already. Some people haven't even started to read The Iliad. I am AHEAD! Also, we ARE having a midterm, but we don't have a final exam for that course :O We all clapped. Amazing! Instead we'll have two in-tutorial assignments as well as a test at the end of classes (second-last week of May-ish).

Today I've just got history - lecture at 11:30 and tutorial with COLIN!

[AUTHOR'S NOTE - I definitely had a whole paragraph here about my history course but for some reason it didn't post so I guess I'll write it again later, fack]

I just hope it's not due the 18th like The Iliad one. It'd be nice if it's due after the exam break so I'd have that time to work on it.

A bit of good news - History of Astronomy is offered in the SU term :) I am probably going to take it. It'd be more practical to take it this year just because I'd rather save next year for working completely full-time the full four months. I do plan to work this summer but obviously not completely full-time. I really want to get a job on/ around campus, that way Mom can drive me here and home everyday. I could actually work Monday to Friday. Because I want weekends off, damn it! Is that so much to ask for? Only problem is that Dad is bent on going up to the Koufis' cottage for a week, but if I have a course, no can do. I'll probably stay with Mom's Greek friend Betty. Which would be good if I have a job around here since she lives right at Sentinel and Four Winds. It will give me so much freedom :D Or I could stay at Anna's but I'm not sure how that will work. We'll see. 

So I'm just chilling in the Student Centre for now. It's getting more lively at this hour. More people showing up. The usual buzz :P Good to be back!

I'm Learnding!

Monday, I will be back at school.

SQUEE.

The legislation passed yesterday. Sessional dates are out and they're actually having an SU term!! Fingers crossed History of Astronomy is offered. 

I am very happy, despite the fact that a bunch of vindictive assholes are trying to bankrupt the university via a class action law suit. But, let's ignore 'em. I'll be glad to get back to my York.

Finally talked to Peter yesterday. Happy about that. I don't like going too long without talking to him. It worries me. He's just been feeling upset lately, and he didn't want to talk to me because he had a feeling we'd get into an argument.

Anna's also been very testy lately and I am not appreciating it in the slightest. She's developed this habit of being disgustingly condescending. I can only take so much these days. But once I am back in school I will have a very valid reason to ignore all the BS that comes up and voilà, no longer my problem. I have to learn to be cold and distant again. This is what happens when I have feelings. I knew they were a bad idea. It's okay, this is Day One of telling anyone to fuck off if they decide to shit all over me about what's wrong in their lives. Solution :D

Yesterday Dio told me that he's taking a year off next year to live in Greece and do some travelling. And then he might switch to university in Greece. Note to self: Don't be friends with Greeks. They'll all leave you in the end. I am actually very sad about this. *sigh*

Well, I'm off to... er... do something. I still haven't started that essay. Big trouble. 

Bridges are Burning, I'm Finally Learning

My relationship is falling apart.

Yes, thank you, all you nay-sayers about long-distance relationships, for being so damn insightful. 

I haven't talked to Peter on the phone since last Tuesday, when we listened to the inauguration together and he cried because he is just everything I'm not and I don't cry, ever, even when it'd be to my benefit. We haven't talked in general since Thursday. 

Lately when we do talk, I feel like there is nothing to say, or if I want to say something, I can't say it, because I'm afraid of what he'll think. I fail at being a Domme, I'm not supposed to give a shit about what he thinks. But I do. Because I love him. And that's the only thing I find myself capable of discussing with him. The fact that I love him.

And what the fuck are we going to do? 

While his visit last month was beautiful and wonderful and everything was just so happy and lalalalala etc, I feel like it only really showed us how hard this thing is going to be. The seven months he was gone were hard, of course. But this last month has been so much harder, just because I had him back for a few hours and then suddenly he was just ripped away from me AGAIN. For fuck's sake, I can't believe that my one chance at something good like this has to be fucked up so greatly.

I suppose it's my fault for telling him I wanted him to go. Not that I wanted him out, but I wanted him to do what he wanted to do, and he is just Greece on Legs. He needs to be there. It's where he belongs.

Where do I belong? Do I belong here? I'm so stubborn about staying here and people ask me if I'll ever go live with him. I've missed Greece - specifically Athens - with all my heart everyday since I came back from there in 2006, but what does that mean? And do I want him to come back here after the five years? And does HE want to come back? Do I want to wait til I'm done my Ph.D.? But where the fuck would I teach in Greece if I don't speak the language? 

Breaking up with him seems reasonable and simultaneously unreasonable. I have no real reason to, you see. A pre-emptive breakup seems juvenile and there really wouldn't be any closure. I'd just keep loving him and he just might hate me. Maybe that's why we're so quick to fight with each other. I have a feeling he's thinking the same things, and we just get into it over stupid little things because we need a reason to end this but we just can't bloody find one. The fights never last. We forgive each other too easily and then are drunk on renewed love for a week or two. He fucking cheated on me and all I could do was love him, not even get angry about it. 

Fuck life. When did I get so damn sentimental? I'm writing a whole blog post about how much I love my boyfriend. I'm almost catching Normal. It's disgusting. I wonder if OHIP covers the Normal shot. 

Anna suggested we just sort of let it go and agree that we'll be together again five years from now if it's in the cards. But thinking of that makes my heart just... writhe. I can't do that. I mean, Peter's a huge slut and snogs most things that walk unless they're animals or children. And you know what? I can totally handle that. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. But the fact is that I know he still loves me and that I am his "Official Girlfriend" (omgz) and it makes all the difference. 

We tried to make this an "open relationship" thing when he left but look how that turned out. He had this weird idea that I was out fucking a million guys, or at least wanted to. Obviously, I was not. I did that for HIM, so HE didn't feel trapped. If he could understand that then it might work. 

Or not. Because, really, what is the point of that? The problem isn't that we want to see other people. The problem is that we want to see each other and we just fucking can't. 

And maybe I want some aspects of the Normal Relationship. I want him to meet my family, and I want them to like him even though he's got eight piercings and a tattoo and fucked me while they were shopping and lets me do really painful things to him. I want to bring him to my cousin's birthday and watch him play games with Alessia and Isabella, the way Diana can watch Frankie or Josie can watch Anthony. Even though it's annoying, I want Uncle Gino to pester me about my boyfriend and tell him to bring him over for Easter. I want him to meet my godfather, and they can talk about the homeland they share, in Greek, and Uncle Chris will get all befuddled because Peter's Greek is better than his. 

And I want him to meet my friends. Like, my real friends. I want him to meet Anna. That's so important to me. She's talked to him online and they seem to get along, which is a good sign because neither of them put on a Web Mask. But I want them to meet and actually Talk because they are both really good at Talking. With a capital T. Like, REALLY Talking. Not just speaking. Talking. 

I guess we just can't get what we want. I don't know what to do about this. We've been talking about the "open" thing but I just feel he's going to misunderstand it again. I've just got this weird idea that it'd be such a waste to sit around here like Penelope waiting for her Odysseus only to have Odysseus not return home this time. But I am not Penelope, there ARE no suitors running around here. So am I really wasting my time?

But what if there are suitors who just aren't revealing themselves because they think I'm unavailable? Are we only capable of loving one person at once? I think I've always had polyamorous tendencies. 

Conclusion: Fuck my life.

Other things? Last Wednesday I went to the ROM with Sarah, Natalia, Viki, Mike, and a girl named Widad who is a friend of Natalia and Mike's. It was such a fucking great time, especially since Sarah had never been there. All of us but Widad were Classics/ History majors so we had a Classics nerd orgy on the third floor. This is different from a sex orgy. Classics nerd orgies are just all of us talking at once really fast and really loudly about different parts of the exhibit and just getting drunk off the beauty of the common interest. It was a good time. Mike is rather amazing too, he named all the types of dinosaurs just by looking at their fossils. Brilliant much? Be still my beating heart. 

I worked over the weekend. Most obviously, since I always do. Saturday was hell though. I worked a nine-hour shift (literal nine, felt more like Greek nine) because it was our Grand Opening sale (two months after we opened??) and we had a Buy One Get One Free thing. It took SIX employees to keep it going the eight hours. Apparently Ray LOST money. Well, good for him, he was giving me hell Saturday about things he NEVER trained me for. And also for things I didn't do. Things done FRIDAY NIGHT, yet I work Saturday and Sunday mornings. At least I made about seventy bucks. Sunday was SO quiet compared to Saturday, I'm telling you. Nine hours... longest shift I've ever worked, probably. I think at Taco Bell I worked eight and a half once, but it was a Sunday so it wasn't steady business like this time was. Everytime I looked up the line seemed LONGER. Utter fucking madness.

Want to hear some madly happy news? McGuinty is imposing Back to Work Legislation! Okay, okay, I know, it's not that happy. I voted NDP. I am firmly pro-union, anti-government, no pasaran, all that anarchist propaganda shit. HOWEVER. Like all humans, and don't anyone argue this with me, I am inherently self-concerned. I want to go back to school. I want to go back to class. So, yeah, it sucks that the government's involved and that even though CUPE has lowered their demands twice since the No vote came out Tuesday York won't negotiate. But sometimes these things happen. Sometimes the little guy doesn't win. 

The NDP is holding up the legislation for now, but we should be back by Friday or Monday or something. It will be good to be back, except that essay still hasn't been started XD I'm terrible. Maybe I'll work on it today after I read four boring-ass articles for history. 

Still, 3903 should take pride in the fact that they've inspired other divisions - 3902 (U of T), 3907 (OISE), and 4600 (CarletonU). 

I hope in a few years' time their plan to strike all at once happens. The chaos will be so beautiful. *shiver*

I am incapable of creative blog titles

This is being done just for the sake of documentation of the life that is mine, and also pathetico.

Wednesday, we went to York. Fun times. Results from blood test not too alarming, looks like just a weird reading came out, same thing happened before so I went back into the lab today to do it again. After the appointment we went to the bookstore (bought a book by Adrian Goldsworthy, "The Fall of Carthage") and Tim Horton's and I took Emi to see a few classes of mine... we had lunch with Mom at the Student Centre, then chilled out in the biblio where we found another Orgasm Aisle i.e. DF/DG, the Ancient History Aisle. I borrowed three books; two biographies of Antony, and The Last Temptation of Christ by Nikos Kazantzakis. Last stop was a Bubble Tea before we went home.

Thursday and Friday were negligible from what I remember. I did watch a great French film Friday night though. It was called The Last Mistress. Very excellent.

Saturday and Sunday was work. Easy peasy. Mexican guys hit on me on Saturday though.

Saturday evening we saw Valkyrie and, um, it was incredible. I actually downloaded it today. Very quick download from Vuze, about an hour and a half. Woot!

Yesterday I met up with Athina, Viki, Natalia, and Sarah to do some studying for Greek. We didn't get much done - too much catching up! But we did clear some things up about a few lessons we were confused about. Tomorrow I'm going to the ROM with the latter three plus Mike. Should be fun!!!

Today was inauguration day and the new President is Obama. I don't have to say much about this since it's actually a major part of history and so my documentation of it will only pale in comparison to what else is being written. But he's still alive, yay! And his speech was fantastic.

That's about all for now. Too many people talking to me on MSN. I am getting scared of my computer.

Also...

I miss Sarah, Jyoti, Viki, Natalia, and Mike A LOT!

Oh good God...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Updaaaate?

I haven't updated in ages, I know. It's terrible.

Well, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. We are still on strike.

*twitch*

Things of note?

• I am seeing Anna a lot and we are having great groovy times! 
• I finished all my Latin for the term. Great success, but I still feel like my Latin and Greek are slowly trickling out of my brain everyday. 
• I still haven't started my essay on the Iliad, but neither has Mike... that is a good excuse.
• There were crazy awesome riots by the people against the government in Greece. And, of course, my sexy rebel anarchist boyfriend who is sexy and also FUCKING sexy (there is a difference between the two) participated in these from Thessaloniki. They lasted about twenty days, all very awesome things going on... uprising against the government by mostly the youth, the leftists, N-SYN and SYRIZA followers... all in memory of Alexis Grigoropoulos, a 15-year-old boy who was murdered by police. R.I.P., little buddy - I hope your heart smiled, wherever you were
• Christmas was fun times all around. I really love my mother's family.
• Thanks to Edie and Anna, I now own seasons 1 and 2 of Queer as Folk on DVD. 
• I am not a virgin anymore. Shh. 
• I finished Germinal. If I could cry, I would have cried. It was fucking amazing. 

I can't think of anything else. Oh, work at Subway is going pretty well. Money is fun. The Home Depot store is love, except that it's not very busy so the shifts feel a lot longer than six hours. 

Here's to a good 2009. York and CUPE are meeting tomorrow. Hopefully they'll figure shit out because I miss York a lot. A lot a lot a lot. 

Stagnation

This strike is really getting in the way of good blogging. Mostly because I just don't have anything to talk about anymore.

Saw Bond Friday. Was brilliant. Love it. Fantastic.

Was a bit overshadowed by the problems I've been having with Peter though. It's a sordid tale of mistakes, drugs, alcoholism, and possibly prostitutes. Oy. I think everything is okay now though. Maybe. 

I worked this weekend. I realized that I love the Caledon East store on the 9-3 shift. Because yesterday I worked 12-7 at the Bolton store and it was the Shift of Death. I wanted to fucking kill myself. But of course, I didn't.

Who tied my hands to the wheel?

Wow. I haven't blogged in ages. I always comment on this lately haha... well... it's not that I've been busy. Just distracted.

The last week's been a bit of a whirlwind. Let's do it quickly, shall we?

LAST WEEK

Monday

• Greek class cancelled
• hung out in the Student Centre with Natalia and Viki
• sat in on their HIST 2100 lecture 
• stalked Kyle but still didn't talk to him
• spent hours "studying"/ goofing off with Natalia and Mike
• went to write myth midterm, only to have someone pull the fire alarm, resulting in its disbandment; this made me UBER pissed because it was easy as fuck and I would have gotten at least 90%
• bought a pomegranate bubble tea to compensate for shitty quality of life

Tuesday

• after getting 5 or so hours of sleep, randomly started to pass out in history lecture
• therefore, had to chug down a large coffee from Timmie's (which I managed to buy at Central Square because it was miraculously free of an epic line) just to stay alive
• got some work done; what!
• went to a great history tutorial; we (mostly Rachel and I) made up a movie about the life of Cornelia McDonald which was highly dramatic and starred Reese Witherspoon, Sean Connery, and Shia LaBoeuf

Wednesday

• didn't go to the rally downtown
• had a good tutorial to which Dio showed up because now he is in it
• had a short conversation with Dio
• went to the penultimate meeting of our T2U discussion group and loved Barry and Megan a lot
• went to myth lecture and Tordoff was hilarious (Aphrodite has a magic bra) 
• spent too long at a Midas because of mom's stupid van

Thursday

• Day 1 of strike (which I support, so everyone fuck off please)
• wasted a lot of time doing nothing
• talked to Peter for two hours

Friday

• more strike
• got some actual work done
• started reading Helen of Troy by Margaret George; I missed reading for leisure
• had a lonely and pathetic Friday night, as usual

Somewhere in between I made a new friend named Ksenia via Facebook who goes to York and is my music twin.

Saturday and Sunday = work. Not so bad. Sunday I opened the store by myself and all went well. I met a girl named Amanda who is friends with Alicia and she was very nice. It was a good time... ish. 

Yesterday I went downtown with Anna. Highlights: going the wrong way, vibrators, terrifying big black things, gingers, random CDs, lemon sugar crepes, guy asking for a toonie, Doritos, ticklish noses, video of Tordoff. 

Today I was alone. Did some work. Felt sorry for myself. Did chores. More self pity. Some gay porn courtesy of Pan. Fun times? 

I don't even know what to say. I wish I was happy but I am not. 

What is good though is that I am caught up on Queer as Folk. And Brian and Justin are back together and the end of episode of 308 is very beautiful and they make me very happy. But in the last one I watched (309), Ted is being depressed and an alcoholic and I think even though I am kind of Brian sometimes, I am really Ted. 

Few and Far Between

I REALLY was bad in terms of blogging this week. Haha.

Been madly busy though. I don't even remember the past week... just a lot of Latin and Greek and HOMEWORK in general.

Ummm... things of note? Got back my Apollo essay. B+. Decent enough, one of the highest in my tutorial. Mike got an A but he didn't have a prof marking it instead of a TA. 

Had a great time stalking Kyle while camped out in Vanier with Sarah. She is great.

Spent my Halloween doing homework. Classy.

Worked yesterday. It wasn't so bad, the guy at the Caledon East restaurant who is training me is very nice and speaks good English. Working again in forty-five minutes. Don't want to. I'm exhausted.

Went out downtown for Anna's birthday last night with Lewin and Edie (and of course Anna). I met the Chris fellow. He is very nice and didn't think I was weird for shaking his hand upon introduction. At least I don't think he thinks I was weird. Oh well. We went all over town doing strange things that we made up for Anna to do on The List. Had a fun time in Condom Shack.

Is it really weird that going to Condom Shack made me sad? Yes. 

Well really... it's only because I miss Peter (who went out drinking Halloween night while dressed as James Bond despite having only left the hospital Tuesday, with Xandros who was Emilio Largo and Patrizia who was hauntingly Vesper Lynd). A lot. 

It's just very not fair that my one chance at a normal relationship did not really work out at all. 

I laugh

Wow, I don't post very often anymore do I?

Well, what is there to say. School is school, classes are classes, my friends are my friends, Dio is Dio, and life is life (which means that life is shit). 

Wedding Saturday. Joe and Sandra. Fun. Got drunk. Not drunk enough. But it will do for now.

Peter's in the hospital. Alcohol poisoning. Had a seizure and they couldn't wake him. He's fine now, but I am ultra-pissed and mega-worried. 

Finished the history essay. Very relieved.

A lot of Latin homework. And a midterm next Monday. Ach. 

Working Saturday probably. Miserable. I really want to go back to Taco Bell - never thought I'd say that. 

Yeah that's pretty much it. I've got to get back to work... read Book 9 of the Iliad and then get started on either Greek or Latin. Probably Greek first... it's easier. 

On the Coldest Winter Night...

This is a blog I wrote earlier (about 4ish) that didn't post for some reason.

...

It is currently snowing.

That's right. I am sitting in the parking lot, in Mom's car waiting for her and Mikey to show up. And it is SNOWING. 

It's been pretty cold since yesterday, and Tara told me they had snow up in Nipissing, but I really didn't expect it to start snowing today! I was just not ready for this I suppose... I can take the cold, but I need time to brace myself! Anyway, I'm currently warding off the chill with a small hot chocolate from my little cute café place at York Lanes. I was GOING to indulge and get myself something from Second Cup since it was on my way to the parking lot, but the lineup was way too long. And also, Second Cup is a corporate bitch. And my café is quick... and sells baklava. Ooh. <3

Nothing much worth noting of Sunday. Did flash cards and homework. What else is fucking new.

Yesterday was actually a pretty fantastic day! Got my Latin test back... hahaha. Thought I failed. Pulled a 96% out of the hat. What the fuck? Ridic. And I seem to understand these pronoun things. Thank you, French. 

Greek was hilarious as usual (well, after a shitty adjective quiz of course). Quote of the day (when we were discussing herms); "So... horny statues keep away bad luck?" Also, Dio was funny as usual, especially when we had to share Rachel's Ancillary book between the three of us because he and I are silly. And he had a seashell necklace he made in honour of a libation to Aphrodite. And offered to make me one. I don't think I answered, I was too busy feeling special. 

Chilled out for a bit (translation: five hours) between getting some work done, talking to Peter on the phone (he was up to some naughty business), being weird over Facebook chat with Natalia and Mike, and hanging with Anna for about half an hour since she came for a visit. And then Tordoff's lecture, which was GREAT (except his accent in Greek is terrible). And Dio sat in front of us so I was with all my favourite York people! Well, most anyway. 

Then back home for the same old same old. 

Today was alright... significantly worse though (see my mentioning of snow). History lecture was alright, but it is always just "alright". Did get some work done in the biblio this morning though (but just barely). Tutorial = map quiz, which I raped. And I also handed in a summary for a term paper, huzzah! One down, one to go. 

I'm kind of worried about this history paper I have due next week though. I've done the readings and made notes and stuff, all I have to do is make an outline and write the actual essay... but I am just not really into it at all. Bah. Plus I've got Joe Pedota's wedding this weekend, and somehow I've been conned into working next Saturday morning (the 1st of November) 9am-3pm at the CALEDON EAST Subway. What the fuck. Douchebag takes forever to call, then assigns me to a different store? If I WANTED to work in C.E., I would have fucking applied there. Why don't I have the [figurative] balls to just say, "On second thought, I quit!"

Because I need money. Bought Anna's birthday present - Amanda Palmer ticket - yesterday, which was $26. Leaving me with... oh... probably 25ish dollars in the bank. 

Ridic that I might not even SEE Anna for her birthday BECAUSE I will be working.

I just hate that we need money. But having a job would make things supremely easy for me. I'd never feel bad about getting a fucking hot chocolate like I did today because it'd be my money. And I could control how much cash I have on me... instead of the parents giving me cash and then me itching to spend it. And I could put some away for that trip I want, and for my "nest egg".

Money is indeed the devil...

I should take Peter up on his offer. Move to Thessaloniki, marry him, get free university at AUTh (somehow becoming fluent in modern Greek somewhere in between), and be poor but happy and harmonious etc. 

I just don't think I could ever be happy and harmonious etc. though. 

Flashy!

Everybody's working for the weekend.

!

Well this is a good weekend so far, I think. Friday was an interesting day... I know I fucked up the Latin test. I was more worried yesterday... I've gotten over it by now. I am allowed to mess up two tests without it really having an adverse effect on my GPA. There was just one section that threw me for a loop, for sure. I dunno... a bit nervous, of course.

Greek was good. I love how small that class is, because we can joke and laugh sometimes. We randomly started talking about 300 when we encountered the verb "apoleipein" (to abandon). I got my last two quizzes back as well; 96% on adjectives, 100% on the surprise vocab. Nice! Still have an A+ there haha.

After class I chilled with Natalia, had lunch, and then headed to the Student Centre to get some notes done for The Iliad. I sat down in Treats with a small French vanilla and a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie and went through the first couple of books again. I also bought a volcano taco from Taco Bell because they are great... ate that while waiting for Dad.

Did only a bit of homework when I got home. Tara contacted me at about 6ish (she just had a Reading Week from Nipissing and so was in town) and asked if I wanted to go see a film with her. So we went to Empire for a 7:30 showing of Max Payne. It was pretty good... a little confusing, lots of angry men with guns, typical action really. Took a photo with a James Bond poster. And we got the student deal... admission itself is usually about ten bucks, but for around eleven (including tax) we got admission, regular popcorn, and regular drink just because we showed our university ID cards. 

We got out of the movie at about 9:15, and that was a little early so we went to gallivant around Walmart for a bit before heading home. It was nice to see Tara again, and nice to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. I felt a little bad for the way I did it - I literally said to Mom and Dad, "Tara's picking me up and we're going to see a film, bye." But I just HAD to do it. Or I'd go mad. Usually I'm depressed Saturdays and today I am not; it's probably because I actually went out last night. I'm heeding Barry's advice, really. 

AND I haven't called Subway. Because they haven't called me. And I really don't want to work. Fuck 'em all!

Today we just cleaned a bit and then I started on my homework. Finished up until Book Three of The Iliad, wrote a short paper on part one of A Year in the South for Colin's tutorial, and am now working on flash cards for Latin and Greek.

These flash cards are really a headache though. I'm coding them according to part of speech and chapter... very very tedious. Time consuming. And sooo many cards. I have nowhere near enough. This weekend I want to do 10 chapters worth for Latin and 7 for Greek. That requires about 450. I think I have 200ish. I'll run out soon so I need to finish them tomorrow. Hahaha.

So... yeah. Because I went out yesterday I think I'm okay spending the weekend doing homework. :)

Okay... maybe not. Oh well. Such is life. 

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

It literally has been forever since I have blogged. Well, not literally... figuratively? Since Saturday I think. I've been pretty busy!

Sunday was that dinner at Nonna and Nonno's to welcome Uncle Tony's in-laws into our family. Dysfunction Central. But we smiled and laughed and pretended it was all alright so I don't think the in-laws noticed. *shrug* The food was good at least. 

Monday was family Thanksgiving. With no mashed potatoes. Not very impressed. 

And then Monday night was, QUITE POSSIBLY, one of the worst nights of my life. I could NOT get to sleep. I tossed and turned and dozed but always woke out of the doze... it was so frustrating I really thought I'd cry. I fell asleep at around... oh... 5 a.m. maybe. And I wake up at 6:30. 

Somehow I managed to get through Tuesday's history lecture and tutorial. SOMEHOW. Probably adrenaline considering I hadn't thought of pumping myself with caffeine. I even managed to stay up until 11ish doing my homework Tuesday evening... without feeling tired? It's just unhealthy. I was exhausted and yet I wasn't. And I felt my body temperature rising... like you just FEEL yourself being hot. 

I really don't know how people manage to run on barely any sleep. Maybe it's all the energy drinks and coffee. I'm not straight edge because I drink alcohol, but I'm still pretty against ingesting all that just to be awake. It's not natural.

That night also made me wonder about Peter's health, considering he, like... never sleeps. Maybe an hour or two a night, and that is all he gets. I ended up looking up insomnia online (click title of this blog for more details) and going into major spaz mode because if he's suffering from acute onset insomnia, that means he is having some sort of problem. But he just won't talk to me about it, and Xandros won't talk to him about it, and he won't see a doctor. So I am really kind of stuck. I am just worried that he might be suffering from anxiety or some sort of emotional stress or (HOPEFULLY NOT) a mental disorder resulting in a sleep disorder. 

Honestly, sometimes I hate worrying so much. I am not anyone's "mother". But I can't help worry when people I love are having problems! Oh well. 

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Except that I am worrying about the Latin test, which is tomorrow and I still don't know the third declension. The Greek quiz was alright, I could have done a lot better perhaps... though I'm a little pissed that our adjective to decline was αξιος! Of course she'd pick a word containing the letter I cannot write for shit. :) Anyway, Myth tutorial was... interesting. Foreign Danish fucked-up version of Medea and jokes about why Greeks can't use Trojan condoms. Then discussion group was about sex, drugs, alcohol... = fun discussion really, haha. Myth lecture itself alright, very detailed. Intro to the Trojan War. Yay! Tordoff lectures for a full month starting next Monday. In class exam on November 3rd though, ahh!

So You Think You Can Dance was on last night. Kaitlyn's doing really well, I think she was stunning... but her partner is weighing her down, and a lot of people think so. Poor Izaak, but poor Kaitlyn. 

Anyway... I've got a history lecture from 11:30 to 12:30 today and then I'm done for the day. Will probably do some reading in between The Iliad and A Year in the South, as well as some studying for Latin. Really, I am worried about that one. Dative of possession is confusing me. And I don't know the endings for the third declension at all haha. 

Shit shit shit. 

Let's not forget that history essay I have due in a couple of weeks. And that map test on Tuesday in tutorial... that is, if there IS tutorial. CUPE is in strike position. Grand :)

And P.S. after training unpaid on Friday and Saturday, boss from Subway hasn't even called. What the fuck. Unprofessional much? I can't stand that. I can't stand how shitty he is at being a boss... it makes Taco Bell seem normal. I kind of want to go back to Taco Bell which is a mega-shocker, but if I did they'd pay me $8.75 an hour, wouldn't have to train me, AND they always let me take time off whenever I asked because I always asked well in advance and I had a fantastic attendance record. 

Ugh.

Dude, Where's my Catharsis?

Ever feel like your life is a high-speed car chase without brakes?

Yeah. I'm there.

It seems to me that every time I finally get a job, everything else decides to take notice and pile up. Homework, tests, and assignments? Sure, why not! And suddenly all my friends care about me. So now they want to see me. Great timing!

My problem is that when I'm stressed, I don't know where to begin. So I just... don't begin. I can't even seem to make a list because everything is floating around in my brain at once.

• read the two [probably boring] articles for history and write a five-page comparative essay for October 28th
• write two summary papers for history tutorial (but first I must find out which readings qualify)
• study for fucking map test in two weeks
• study for random Latin test on Friday... flash cards? syntax sheets? suicide?
• learn the goddamn third fucking declension in Latin... why must they have five? 
• study Greek adjectives like mad, as well as neuter endings and articles (just after i mastered the feminine and masculine, of course) before Surtees gets the better of me and stops gifting me with A+ on my quizzes
• print out lecture notes and organize folders
• start reading the motherfucking Iliad 

Now add Subway, where I started last night. It wasn't so bad. Actually yesterday was pretty terrible since no one speaks English and therefore I stood around like an idiot. This morning I trained with Mallorie which was significantly better because she could actually tell me what I need to do.

I am just not so keen on this job thing. I'd rather not have one, but I have no money. I just worry for my mental health. I recently had a psych major (Barry) tell me that I am going to go crazy soon. Great. Mom really doesn't seem to care... I don't think she understands how depressing it is to not see your friends and spend all your time doing homework. It's sad that my social life for the week consisted of staying up until 1 a.m. talking to Anna and Peter on MSN last night. 

I maintain that if I lived in Toronto, I would not have this problem. It would fix most of my problems, really. Even if I did have a job there... I could go out and DO something after a shift. Fuck's sakes. 

I just feel really overwhelmed. And cast aside. And I hate that I have to make concessions, like working in a shitty place devoid of professionalism and English... and pay, so far. Or having to take a history course that I really hate a lot. Or not seeing people I love. 

It's, what, a month and a half in? And I'm already needing a nice break.

For now it looks as if my last exam is on December 16th. Two months five days until some sort of freedom! *waves flag half-heartedly*

I think I would just be really happy if I quit my job. It's just difficult to do that when you've just started training. 

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 

Fuck.

Humbug

I was home today. Yom Kippur. Nice! So I went to Hall and picked up my OSSD, my Ontario Scholar Certificate, and my transcript. Went a-visitin' as well. 

First went to see Mr. Lloyd. Embarrassed me in front of his Grade 10 class by introducing me and then reading out all my marks (he took my transcript out of my hand). Some little prick asked, all indignant, "Is that Applied?" My answer was really laced with poison haha... I said, "No. Academic. I'm in university right now."

Then I went to see Mr. Reist. Ahhhh I love that man! He introduced me (as one of his "Charlies" who was in the class since Grade 10 and a voracious reader etc... love him!) and didn't embarrass me and let me talk a bit about what I'm doing at York. Then he told me to write something in Greek, so I gave him ανθρωπος, which I guessed [correctly] that he'd enjoy. And the class seemed thoroughly astounded by the lovely Greek alphabet. Which has really grown on me, despite my daily struggle with ξ. Also they seemed amazed that I was even learning Latin and Ancient Greek... Jeff Duke's in the class (Kaitlyn's boyfriend now, aw... didn't see that one coming) and when I told him that it was like doing Extended French he looked a little shocked! Anyway, they're reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower in Independent Lit so I brought my copy from when I read it in Lit and sat myself down beside Justin (whom I also love a lot and missed a lot and was so happy to see) to listen to the discussion for a little while. Once the class was over I talked to Reist a bit... told him I'd visit in December perhaps. We went out into the hallway to wait for Kennedy because I wanted to say hi, and Reist passed by again and asked me for a hug. Aw! LOVE HIM! I will def go back and visit ASAP.

Saw Kennedy for a bit, but she had a class in the library to teach. Went to find Lloyd again because he told me to go back to see him on 3A and he wasn't there. Ran into Melanson on my way to the foyer to meet up with Justin again and she SPAZZED! I miss her haha... she wasn't too pleased that I'm not taking French in favour of Latin and Greek! I told her I'd visit too.

I spend the last twenty or so minutes just chatting to Justin. It was nice, like old times! I miss him a lot.

Anyway so then I came home, was miserable, and did a bunch of work. Did a Latin lesson, copied my tutorial notes from Colin into my notebook, and labelled a world map to study for the stupid map test in two weeks. I kind of wanted to start on those term papers for Colin's tutorial but I haven't. Maybe soon... I also want to finish Zorba the Greek soon, and I have to start The Iliad for two weeks from now. And I should do a lot of Greek review this weekend since Surtees is off to Baltimore and there's no class tomorrow. (P.S. 100% on Monday's quiz! There was a pop quiz yesterday though... I think I aced it at least) So much to do! AND I start training tomorrow night, AND Corey and Megan invited me bowling Saturday evening, AND Lew wants to get together on the 1st. And then of course Joe Pedota's wedding on the 25th.

Oh and Thanksgiving. Not to mention that my new aunt Marina's parents are in town from Mexico and apparently we have to go see them Sunday.

I like them though. They're cool. Met them yesterday at that restaurant. Uncle Tony and Marina got married at 4ish at Mississauga city hall (missed that because of class) and then we went for dinner at a great place on Dundas St. West called Thyme for Pizza and Pasta. I had the Lingune Diavolo... not recommended for those with sensitive tongues! It was a good night though, Marina looked beautiful and like I said, her parents were very nice. It was a really long night though... Wednesdays are my busiest days and I had to go straight from school to dinner.

I also missed Kaitlyn dance last night. Fack. Mikey taped it for me though, and I still voted. People tell me she did very well. Tonight's the first results show... nervous! I hope she gets through to next week. 

Anyway, just stressed overall. Well, not really stressed... maybe overbusy!

We're gonna burn this city, burn this city...

Why do I have Franz Ferdinand in my head? I don't know. Classical music is playing right now (I am in York Lanes).

Feeling significantly better today as I actually got about six and a half hours of sleep as opposed to the three from Sunday night. Still I am ready to down this large coffee from this café which is steadily becoming a great place, except right now there are annoying people at the next table.

And an attractive scholarly one two tables away who is distracting me from this reading.

Yes haha I did not even read those thirty pages. Well I have about twelve left. I blame Mauro for turning up yesterday afternoon. It was nice though, we talked for about an hour. He had mono last week, bless him for soldiering on. He is actually a lot smarter than I originally thought.

Lecture yesterday for Myth (run by Fisher) was pretty excellent. Medea is pretty great, plus I was sitting with Natalia and of course with Michael (!) whom I am really enjoying! He is a classics nerd like me, it is nice to know that I am not alone.

Called Ray. Start training Friday afternoon. Ugh. Not looking forward to unpaid labour! Even if it is only training.

If I had money, though... I mean, right now... life would be a lot easier. Also I could move into an apartment in the Village for $150 a month with Edie and Anna. Maybe next year. I maintain that it would be highly convenient for me to live down here. 

Lecture in two hours. About the industrial revolution. Ahahaha fun... not at all. At least I finally bought that last book by Stephen Ash and finally have all I need for all my courses. 

Anyway I should get to this reading. Computers are distracting and I have to save my battery for lecture. 

P.S. Tudors tonight, yes!!

The sun is in the sky

Eesh. Four days since my last blog. I can barely remember that far back!

Well Friday was alright, obviously. Why wouldn't it be? Ray from Subway didn't end up calling me, but told Mallorie to tell me to call him today so that's what I'm doing.

Saturday I had the usual weekly breakdown. No big deal, haha. I wrote a long angry poem thing... which isn't so bad, I'm quite glad that I've done some poetry finally. I haven't in years. 

Yesterday I also did shit all. Study, read, repeat. It was a better day than Saturday though.

I finished my Apollo essay! Very happy. Kind of. To be honest, my conclusion is shit. However I am kind of past caring by now. I'd like to think that the body of the essay is a little more important.

I got my Greek quiz from last week back today. I thought I had fucked up majorly but I got a 95. Hahaha. And the quiz today went great. Yay for maintaining an A+! 

I have to read thirty pages for my history tutorial tomorrow. Fack. I think I will do that now... I don't have class until 4:30. Buuuut really I am just not in the mood to read that right now. I really want to finish Zorba the Greek... but I don't have it with me anyway. 

Whatevs. I should put away this computer and stop being distracted!