SHAMBLES

My life. In shambles. Correct.

It's been a month since I've blogged. Yes. Life has been so whirlwind and generally FUCKED.

I am busy.

I am reading a lot.

I am doing a lot of homework.

I am in a lot of love with someone. Too much love in fact. He doesn't know and maybe he never will, because it's against the rules.

Peter and I fell apart. Not nicely. I still love him. He still loves me. We should still be together but we're not. Actually we haven't been since February. These things are confusing but we still had a nice "Happy Two Years of Being In Love" on the 5th.

I am sort of seeing someone new. SORT OF. This is a relationship based on sex. Sex which hasn't happened yet, but might happen soon. I don't know how to feel, mainly because of how I still feel about Peter and because I am kind of head over heels for the aforementioned off-limits too-beautiful prospect.

School is alright, surprisingly. Last week was Fall Reading Week. Got a lot done. Wish I had more time off.

CSSA is slowly crawling forward. Co-Presidency here I come.

I've added a handy little widget on the right side of this page. As I said, I update Twitter quite often, so if you care, you can read my tweets. :D But I have more followers on there than on here so, eh.

I CAN'T SLEEP.

I'm done.

Good morning starshine, the earth says hello

As usual, I have been a crappy blogger. What else is new?

I'm not going to apologize, and instead will blame this on my Twitter account.

www.twitter.com/jjjjeah

I do a lot of microblogging. Why is this? Because it is short, simple, instant. I feel like I am living life and commenting on it instead of plotting out what to say on a blog like this. HOWEVA. I am not abandoning you, ye olde bloge. I still love you, because I love things a lot this year.

School has obviously begun. I am VERY happy! Things have been going really great so far, and working on my day off/ a few hours on one other day of the week is awesome because it frees up my weekends. I'm on track with most of my work so far, even though having five courses/ thirty-three credits is slightly dizzying. I like everything so far though.

Second-year Latin is being taught by Professor Surtees, since Lewis is on sabbatical. I like Surtees so I'm happy with this. She's so sweet and we also started off with review of subjunctive, so we weren't just cast into a void of nothingness.

Second-year Greek is being taught by PROFESSOR MATTHEW CLARK, who is the CLAS/ CLST program coordinator, and who is EFFING AMAZING. Not only are we doing the ENTIRE Greek textbook over again, but he goes on these fascinating tangents about linguistics or Homeric epic and he is such a dear old man and he was in jail with Noam Chomsky. I really enjoy his class, and I'm actually going to meet with him on Friday for program-specific advising/ discussion.

History 2100 - that is, Ancient Greece and Rome - is fairly amazing so far. Professor Edmonson is so enthusiastic and British that I think he might explode during lectures. Professor Kelly hasn't lectured yet, but I have sat in on his lectures before. He's very pro-Augustan, but also hot, so I forgive. The readings are decent too. We're doing the Odyssey now, which I am less than thrilled about since I despise Homer, but the textbook on Ancient Greece we've got is ace. I'm still not too sure about my TA for this course though. He seems very stern and I don't think he likes me :( I miss Professor Fisher's tutorials!

Social Science 2600 - Introduction to the Study of Religion - hasn't given me much time to form an opinion on it. I've had one lecture (with a lovable jackass prof) and one tutorial (with a semi-lovable TA), both of which I enjoyed, but everything has been introductory so far so I can't say what I think. Though the textbooks are pretty interesting (though bloody fucking expensive!).

Humanities 3110 is likely my favourite course this year. Roman Culture and Society. And I love my course director (I call him that as I don't think he's a prof yet). He's really young and excited about what he's teaching and I love that SO much. Plus the books we read are wicked. I think I have to read about Sulla and Pompey for tomorrow's class?

Other than school, not much has been going on. Anna is in Scotland. I've been spending too much money. I've been working on taking over the presidency of the Classical Studies Students' Association. No big deal. Haha.

Yeah so I guess that's it. Got to go forage for friends right now as I'm not sure where Mike is, and we have HIST 2100 tutorial in forty-five minutes!

Eep

I was going to write some sort of chippery blog, until I read Ambrosia's. She witnessed someone die on Thursday and I really feel awful for her. :(

But anyway. It's been a decent week. Sunday we went to Nonna's for Johnny's birthday. I saw ultrasound photos of Christina and Gio's baby! Ahh! She's three months along now and they already have names picked. Scarlett Marie for a girl and Cesare Agusto (after Gio's late father) for a boy. I'm kind of hoping it's a boy. How cool would it be to have a cousin named Caesar Augustus?? Very cool. Either way, the kid is going to be spoiled. Jen and I alone were already making plans on what we'd buy! And we're probably going to help paint the baby's room as well because we don't want the fumes to bother Christina.

Monday was Peter's birthday. My present ended up being a lame-ass playlist with memory-inducing songs. He says he liked it and that it was sweet and that I'm amazing, but who knows if he was being truthful or not haha.

Work was alright this week. It got a bit crazy on Wednesday since we were preparing for the mail enrollment students, but Thursday was alright. The MEs are more attentive than the normal enrollment students. I might even sell books to one of them because she's taking HIST 1050 as a gen ed! Awesomeness.

Thursday, however, was interesting due to the weather around here. It was very bad. There were TORNADOES. In VAUGHAN. 600 homes damaged! It's insane. I was surprisingly calm but I'm a tad uneasy now that I've heard that this extreme weather can last into October.

What's nice is that Natalia came onto campus on Wednesday and I got to hang with her for a bit, and we also ran into Viki and Athina that day! Natalia came yesterday as well and brought Widad with her so we got to catch up in Second Cup for a bit (Widad's been in Israel).

My parents are leaving for Parry Sound this weekend so Emi and I have the house to ourselves, which is nice :D I have lots I want to get done today, and Rebecca is coming over later. Hurray!

Summer is finally here!

The "summer" weather has been weird this year. Lots of rain and intense storms with wicked lightning. TOO much rain though. This weekend has been fairy nice so far though! Since yesterday it's been really warm and sunny. Today there was a smog advisory! :D Officially summer in T.O!

I'm glad that the weather has been so nice because it's been a really great couple of days. Yesterday was really quiet in the office and I was allowed to just get my work done, make my phone calls, etc. I met Sarah for coffee because Second Cup was having their grand re-opening. I had a falafel for lunch first and then went over. There were delicious free samples and then I got a medium caramel corretto for only $2.09. Such a deal! I just hung with Sarah for a bit, talking about the party I had on the 8th. I'm really glad that everyone seemed to have a great time, and I always love just hanging with Sarah. It almost humbles me that someone so mature, so together, and so generally fucking awesome thinks I'm interesting enough to just meet up with for coffees. :)

When I got back to the office, Susy asked me if I wanted to work at SAS during the school year. Ecstatic! Income!!! Generally work/study students only work about 10 hours per week. I might have to go in on my Fridays off in order to do that but I won't have to work Friday evenings or weekends! I might have a life this year. Thank you, Jesus. Susy asked me to take the weekend to think about it but I'm def already decided.

It was a good evening as well, with a webcast from Beth, Kayla, and the kitties, and then a long conversation with Peter, whose 20th birthday is on Monday. I don't really know what to do in order to celebrate that fact with him considering he's quite far away. Still brainstorming though.

Today I had a blood test first thing in the morning. Then Mom and I went to Pennington's and I bought... a lot of things. $300 worth. EEP. I'm getting paid next Thursday though so I think I'll be alright. Obviously I've got a lot of money saved up but I need to buy my books soon. I'm just waiting on my credit card app response (I applied at Alterna - 9.99% interest rate kicks ass!). I did buy seven nice tops though. Well, two are shawls. Woteva. I need to be comfy yet look professional since I'm going to keep working at SAS!

I went to Shoppers as well. Bought waxing sugar. I waxed my arms for the first time today. It wasn't as bad as I thought! I do have a bruise in the crook of my left arm though. That one hurt!

I did some exam review for History of Astronomy - final's on the 25th - before watching Wednesday's episode of the Philanthropist - series I've been watching starring the very sexy James Purefoy - which I PVRed. Now I'm watching Full Metal Jacket for the fourth time since December because it's on and Emi has never seen it.

Not too much planned tomorrow. It was Johnny's birthday the other day so we're going over to Nonna's. I'm excited for Monday because the new episode of True Blood will be online. I am fucking addicted to that show! I'll be sad to see Becky though - her boyfriend left for Scotland today to do nine months of teacher's college. Bummer. Why do all these awesome people for whom I hold a lot of affection have to go through the same crap I did with Peter? I wouldn't even wish this upon an enemy!

Anyway. I'm already rather tired but I will watch through FMJ.

My old friend, I swear I never meant for this

Honest, I didn't mean to leave this blog for over a MONTH! I suppose not enough was happening from day-to-day for me to update...

Well, in the last month, I have done the following:

worked, made friends, bonded with the Moon, reacquainted myself with mathematics/ physics, kissed ass, drunk coffee, craved Indian food, gone to New York State, had a sunburn, cried myself to sleep, got a 93% on my midterm, fallen gently out of and violently back in love with more than one person, saw old friends, made new ones, gotten drunk, protected myself from HPV, felt small, missed being in school full-time, spent too much money, decided to eat healthy again, threw a surprise party, ridden in a convertible, watched lightning at 4 a.m., hoped for a better future. :)

That's about it.

I've started to buy my books. I've also decided to buy a bookcase. School starts in about three and a half weeks. Exciting! Eeeeeeeeerrrrrr!

Technology, how I love thee

So I've been disconnected from the wider world for about a week and a half because my power adapter decided to, um, die.

But now it has been replaced for free (thank you warranty!) and I am alive.

I also enrolled into my courses on Monday! I didn't get into World Religions at first but more spaces opened up on Tuesday morning so I got in, and also into the tutorial I wanted.

Schedule!

http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/1283/picture3mug.png

Fridays off which is nice, and if I get asked back as a work/study to SAS in the fall, I can work 8 hours between Monday and Friday. Great success!

I'm actually super thrilled about 3110, Roman Culture and Society. Classical Athens was full so I needed to pick that as a back-up and it actually works out super nicely for me :)

Well, I will try to update more often now, but I am quite busy with work, TV shows, and LA/GK review!

Vive le roi!

Michael Jackson is dead.

So is Farrah Fawcett.

What a day. No wonder there were epic thunderstorms (in which I was caught and by which I was drenched).

I don't have much to say, other than work and school are peachy keen.

But I did have to blog. About this. Farrah is a sad case, of course, but she Michael Jackson dying is momentous. It is BIG. He was an icon.

I feel old.

But not sad.

I'm starting to be happy for the people who die.

Even though death terrifies me, I'm wondering if there is anything afterwards that would justify us saying, "He's in a better place".

If there is, I'm happy.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day... have I used this as a blog title before?

Well well well my lovelies, it has been a while since I have blogged. Sorry...ish.

It has been quite an eventful week really! Except for Monday, which I pretty much spent naked under the covers while watching Queer as Folk. That was summer vacay. I did go to Hall in the morning though, which was super nice. I popped in on Reist, Kennedy, and Lloyd (who was under-appreciative). I missed Reist so much!

Tuesday I started work and was nervous as hell but honestly, after that first day things were fine. Everyone I work with is really nice and even though there's a lot of pressure to help the students enroll during the sessions, it's actually kind of fun. You just barrel through it.

And the people really make it worth it! In the office there are Marcia, Hannah (my direct supervisor), Ruane (love her!), Becky (another oddity from Fac of Arts), Lejeune, Elena, Susy (obviously!), Jennifer, and Gail. There are the student advisors too, who are all really cool. Nick is the nicest and most helpful, but Andrew and Greg are pretty great as well. Tieg is alright but has this weird aura about him, I'm not really sure why. Two new advisors showed up Thursday... I remember that one is named Ina, but I can't remember the other girl's name. Eek!

So the week has been really great and Susy's been singing my praises because I apparently do an excellent job with the online advising thing. :) Ruane's also very happy because my here-and-there work in the office is speeding things along. I like feeling appreciated at work.

I got my grades back, by the way! Final result:

• Greek: A+
• Latin: A+
• Myth: A
• History: A

As a result, my GPA is 8.44. SCHOLARSHIP! Thank you, two thousand dollars to me. :)

Friday I was star-spotting because they're filming an episode of Flashpoint on campus so Mom and I went to check it out on lunch. I also saw the people for next season of So You Think You Can Dance Canada heading into Vanier res for seclusion, haha.

Yesterday we went to visit Nonna in the hospital and ended up going to Sicilian for dinner/ dessert, which was super nice. Then Emi and I watched Goldfinger and ate ketchup chips. I like Sean Connery. I like not working weekends.

I'm also reading The First Man in Rome finally, because The Fall of Carthage is boring me at the moment (sorry Adrian Goldsworthy!)

I think that's all I have to say.

Oh and, I have my lover once more. He's still as far away as usual. But I am happy I think.

Shane Fair

I figured I would leave a blog post until tomorrow since I planned to do absolutely nothing today, but I wonder when I will have time since I am apparently going to Hall with Tara tomorrow, and I start work on Tuesday (!).

Before I go into anything trivial though, I will stop to have a paragraph of... er... mourning? Well, I don't know.

A York student, 19-year-old Shane Fair, went missing two weeks ago after the Calumet College Formal. York was in a panic. Signs up everywhere and most people paying attention - myself included - wanted so badly for him to be found safe and sound. We weren't so lucky. His body was pulled from Lake Ontario last night.

I didn't know Shane, but I am devastated. It feels so empty when a whole group of people has banded together to hope for something and all hopes are suddenly dashed.

Rest in peace, buddy.



In other news:

• Yesterday was Emilio's Confirmation party, which went insanely well. Joe's food was top notch and everyone enjoyed themselves. I even had too much to drink, but it still wasn't enough.
  
• I got an A+ in Ancient Greek as a final grade. Yeah, I know. Completely unexpected.
• I dropped off my uniform at Subway and picked up my last cheque. Official severing of all ties complete!
• I packed up all my first-year books and stored them in the basement. Will need a few of them again next year though.

I think that's it.

I feel sad.

:(

And by leaving we don't stop living you know

Well, fare thee well, fare thee well, fare thee well.

I like that song.

Anyway, HELLO! It is Friday.

My brain's weird today. Life is just completely bowled over since I am now finished first year and I am, therefore, at home, and not at York.

Wednesday's Latin exam went really well. I think. I finished it in 40 minutes, and the 3% bonus was to translate the first two lines of Catullus 5. Fingers crossed for an A+? I also got my Horace assignment back and I got a 90 on that so, yay.

Result of being finished: drowned myself in season 3 of the Tudors Wednesday evening. I also got a haircut.

Yesterday was Emi's Confirmation so we were very busy cooking and baking for when people came over after the church thing. Everything went alright and it was very nice, but I realized how much I really hated Catholicism while we were actually at the church.

First off, I hadn't been to that parish since my own Confirmation about five years ago. Secondly, the new priest? I thought he was alright the one time I saw him at Hall (you know, that one time I actually didn't skip liturgy in Grade 12), but yesterday evening I realized how much I really don't like him. He is so gimmicky. Even the music grated on my nerves. It was too upbeat and poppy.

I get what they're doing. Church is losing followers, so they're trying to make it "fun". That's LAME. Lame lame lame. Be real. Be fucking real. From an objective perspective, the archaism is what can make the Catholic Church beautiful. Poppy Alleluias? Fuck you. That's not beautiful. It's not going to stir passion in anyone. Hymns can make ME cry when sung PROPERLY.

So much of it is bullshit. And Father Larry getting mad at people for not singing. Ridiculous. The grim faces of the men handing around the collection baskets, looking so intimidating. Oh yes, and, "Do you reject Satan, Prince of Darkness?" What? What is this? An Ozzy concert? PLEASE.

I am totally done with Catholicism. After gaining the Gnostic viewpoint, nothing seems so ridiculous as Catholicism.

Well anyway, the official reception for the Confirmation is tomorrow afternoon. We've got a lot to do today but for now I am doing nothing. I wanted to go to the ROM today, but Mom isn't going to work. I wanted to go to Hall today, but there's too much to do. I don't have much vacation this summer because I start work either next week or the week after, but it seems that most of it isn't going to be spent on myself. *Sigh*

What else? Today's one year since Peter left. I don't really know how I feel about that but something hurts. I do miss him. And I miss us. I wish things hadn't fallen apart, but I'm too scared to take the chance I've been given to put them back together.

Ah well. Such is life. I need to stop moping about it at some point. Not that I have much chance to with Anna spazzing now that Chris has gone. I understand how she's feeling but she often makes it seem like she is the only person who has ever gone through/ will ever go through such a thing. And I don't think her going to England in September is the best idea. But she can be very determined, so if she really wants to then she will.

Now I'm in a bad mood. Hahaha.

Might go shower now. Or watch the Rammstein DVD I illegally downloaded. Or watch the Tudors. Not sure yet really.

Rape

Yes, rape.

It was committed today from 12-2:35 p.m. at York University in the Tait McKenzie Fieldhouse.

I was the rapist. My history exam was the victim.

YESSSSS.

Music hall essay? 86%!

One sad thing - Colin wasn't there. So I didn't see him at all! The last time I saw him was last Tuesday and I didn't even know it'd be the last time. :(

BUT... I am forever free of History 1050 and I therefore must rejoice.

Er... by watching the Tudors.

Yeah, I've got no friends.

JRM, WTF, LOL

Wow, it's been ages since I've updated?

Okay. Erm.

Classes are over. Obv. Wednesday was a Latin test that I didn't study for, but somehow managed an 85%. Also wrote my final Myth test - not sure about that one as it was a little tricky! Perhaps I pulled off an 80 or something.

Today was the Greek exam. It was awful. Mostly participles. Everyone was freaking out. I'm trying to put that behind me though. There's nothing I can do about it now.

Tomorrow is the 1050 exam. Terrifying. I'm taking a break now though. Problem with this one is that it's not like Latin and Greek - there's no actual MEMORIZING. I already know everything I need to know and it'll just be a matter of recollection.

I'm watching the Tudors right now. I have probably watched this one sex scene between Anne and Henry like six times now because it's very sexy in a femdom sort of way. Yes. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers getting smacked, scratched, strangled, and pinned down. If I could have a wet dream, this would be it.

Speaking of mansubs, Peter is single as of Sunday evening when Xandros threw Anastassia out of the house after she spazzed at Pete and called him a freak after he finally told her he was a masochist. What a closed-minded bitch. Sucks that Patrizia got mad at Xandraki about it since Stassia's her best friend, but she totally deserved that. I'm glad Peter stood up for himself too. Apparently Xandros only woke up because Peter was giving Stassia quite an earful at 3 a.m. Bet she thought all mansubs were wimps, hahaha. LIES. So, yeah. I'm not really sure what's going on between him and I now but there's a weird sort of tension that reminds me of before we got together.

It's a good thing he is not here right now, because I would probably be having a lot of hot angry hurty make-up sex with him à la Natalie Dormer and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers instead of studying for my exams. Hardyharhar.

... it's not my fault he's pretty.

Fucking Emo Boys, and fucking emo boys

What a fucking miserable fucking day. This weather's awful. Ugh. And I was wearing capris yesterday!

Update on my life: It sucks.

Haha no, I lie. Let's think. Last time I updated was last Thursday? Alright.

Friday I went to Anna's because Chris left and she is now a foreign widow as I like to call us. You know, when you're ditched by your lover because they're foreign and need to go back home. Like Aeneas and Dido, but without the suicide. 

Saturday and Sunday was work work work. Saturday was busy. Sunday was not - I didn't make a sub until four and a half hours into my shift. Hahaha. 

I managed to finish the music hall essay over the weekend. Finished it at midnight on Sunday evening, actually... had been working on it from Friday evening, with breaks to go to work obviously. I was so relieved. Not only am I DONE all my papers, but Surtees decided not to give us anymore quizzes or assignments. 

So what do I have left? Finishing up Latin and Greek lessons, doing flash cards, a Latin test Wednesday, and a myth test on Thyestes also on Wednesday. Which is really not so bad at all! 

Then exams... I am frightened. Just for 1050, really. Three-hour behemoth of an exam. I just want a 70 in that course really. A 70 will make me happy. 

This weekend is my last weekend of work at Subway. Huzzah. Except that Susy hasn't gotten back to me in a while about the job in the SAS. I'll perhaps send her an email tomorrow. 

I have a chai latte, because I am very sad today. Yesterday I was just very hateful but today is sad. I feel pathetic and fat and ugly and am shocked I haven't gained any weight in the last three months considering all the stress-eating I've been doing. Earlier this week I ate a fucking POP TART. Scratch that, two of them. Ugh. AND I had Chinese food yesterday for really no reason at all. Like, why? 

Well, I know why. Peter issues, obviously. I don't know how things are working out. They seem fine now, actually. He got accepted to university Tuesday and he called me before he called anyone else. I wonder what that means? I even helped him pick his courses, which are super spiffy. I miss him though. He's in Halkidiki with Xandros and Patrizia and, yes, his new girlfriend. I'm not sure how I feel about that. He said he's going to be, you know, "honest" with her. What does THAT mean? Is he going to tell he's a masochist? I'm sure that will go over well. 

He should just lie and have one of those Normal lives.

So I have a chai latte from Second Cup but even that's annoying because the guy who looks like Peter was working today and I thought that was pretty funny when I was still with Peter, but now that I'm not it's not funny to see him at all. It is just sad. You could tell he was tired and he even got all squinty the same way Peter does when he's been up for a few days. Fuck my life. But the chai lattes are so worth it. 

Lost was on last night. Season finale. So freaking epic, and Sayid didn't die. I am happy. Ish. At least about that.

This Week (yes, Week) started out being rather frustrating. Now it is just miserable. 

I got a thong in the mail. As part of my birthday gift from the Koufises. I am slightly disturbed. Mom said, "Maybe Aunt Adrie thinks you're at the age when you should start wearing them." Ha! I'd rather go commando. Anyway what's the use of having nice underwear when no one will see them? My sex life will be the Sahara desert from now til forever. 

Really a pity, because Peter's hair must be getting longer now, AND he has his nipples pierced. And is probably getting all nice and tanned as I type this.

Thanks, life. Thanks a lot. 

Twilight omens in my life

Wow. It's only been a week and I'm updating again. Am I getting better at this? Yes, yes I am.

So. Um. Let me think. What's been up? Who knows.

I quit my job last Saturday. Indeed. Even though Ray is not here. I told Aruna flat-out. My last day is May 17th. And I swear, Saturday really solidified my decision to leave. Not only was the story kind of messy in an annoying way, but we had to make three large sub platters for 1:30. That's 21 freaking subs. I had to make three whole sets of bread that morning! Scary moment Sunday morning though... totally forgot to turn the chiller on for the meat counter? O_O Luckily everything was still at temp and I managed to get it working as usual. Oof, scary moment!!!

Also, I finished the Aeneid essay over the weekend. Worked on it Saturday and Sunday evenings. Put my final touches on it yesterday.

Monday was beautiful and fantastic. I don't remember much about the actual day but after class I didn't go home. Aunt Mary picked me up and we went out to the Happy Greek for dinner, which was nice. I love Aunt Mary because she's wicked awesome. Then we went down to Kool Haus for the Franz Ferdinand concert! I gots myself a tshirt, rawr. And the show was just... ah. Ah. Ah.

It was amazing.

I haven't been to many concerts, but that was the best. They are SO good live. They sound exactly the way they do on their albums. Maybe even better, because it's so... RAW. You could hear the emotion in Alex's voice during some of the songs. It was just a really great stress reliever. It was so relaxed, everyone was just dancing... This Fire was the final song of the encore and the energy was incredible. EVERYONE was dancing. It was just a stupendous evening. I'm so glad I went. I took videos too, because Emi is in Ottawa with school so he couldn't come. My videos are alright, but I did find some footage taken by other people who were at the concert and theirs are fantastic. So I can relive that night again and again :D

This week has been a little crazy. Handed in the Latin paper, had a Latin test, had a Greek quiz Monday (which I managed to do well on even though I barely studied), weekly Greek assignment, and trying to finish the reading for this essay on British music halls. It's the last essay of the year, and it's due Tuesday. I finished my reading/ research only last night. I JUST came up with a thesis and outline a few minutes ago. Eek. I'm going to have to buckle down and write this thing.

I am really worried about 1050 in general. I am so unsure of this course and of the exam. I wanted a B+ at the end of the year, but I'm not sure I can manage that. I'm at an A now. Well, if I get A+ in both Latin and Greek (for which I am on pace) and an A in 1105 (for which I am also on pace), then a B in HIST 1050 will still keep me at an 8.0 GPA. Obviously I don't actually NEED to be at the 8.0. But I want to be. I want an A average in my first year of university. And, yes, I want that $2000 scholarship again.

So obviously tonight I should work on my essay. But I don't know if I can. This has not been a good week in terms of things to do with Pete. We've been at each other's throats and it's killing me. I've sunk back into that sort of emotionless state I was at before Peter came around. It feels really nice sometimes. To not care. So free. But then I realize that I still love him and it's just not okay. And I wonder, what happened? Last summer our relationship was so chill. I wish we could go back to that. It was in September when everything started to get so dramatic.

It's too late now though.

It bothers me.

We fought over the phone today. Badly. We didn't get anywhere. No progress. But do we even have a goal? What is the goal? What do I want? What does he want?

He wanted to get back together. I was hesitant. I thought I loved someone else. This week, I realized I didn't. But now Peter's got that girlfriend of his, yet I have no idea how he actually feels about her. He complains about her. Should I pity this girl? Because, I do.

I just didn't know what "getting back together" would mean. I still don't know.

It's hard to deal with everything all at once.

On top of this, Chris is leaving tomorrow or Saturday or something, so Anna's going to be a wreck, and she wants consolation. But I am in no state to give anyone consolation. What am I going to say to her? That I know how it feels? Well, first off she won't believe me because she's like that and thinks she's all alone in every human experience even if it's a common one. Secondly, even if she does believe me, what do I say after that? "Yeah, I know how it feels to have to say goodbye to someone you love and watch your relationship disintegrate into something so inconceivably ugly that you could have never imagined things could turn out that way."

I can't do emotion. And I'm almost offended that she'd ask me to at this point.

False Prophecies

So. I thought I was going to be okay, you know.

Like, I finished the damn Latin paper way early.

I am so not okay. I am swamped. It's ridic.

Also, I seem to have some sort of repetiive strain injury in my right hand. I'm on Tylenol now... one thing after the other! I'd just gotten over the wisdom tooth pain!

Speaking of which, the procedure went alright. Didn't hurt too much. Was awake on Novocaine for the whole thing. I thought it was pretty awesome. I even looked the process up on YouTube later. It's funny that I could feel Dr. Gelfand doing things to my gums but couldn't feel the pain. Also, he's sexy. I just haven't really been able to eat properly since Saturday morning haha. I've been swallowing most of my food whole. Chewing with front teeth is not very effective. At least I have jaw mobility back... earlier in the week I couldn't smile or laugh or talk very well.

Um, Friday I was offered that job in the Faculty of Science at Science Academic Services. Yay. I have to quit Subway this weekend though. Kind of nervous. They're going to spaz for sure because Ray's in India but it's so not my problem anymore. I'm giving my two weeks' notice and that's it.

Monday was a fantastic day. I was outside for five hours with a variety of people... Viki, Reinard, Rita, Andrew, David, and Laura all showed up at some point but Mike and I were there the whole time. We got sunburned haha.

My brain is so jumbly today?

Lost was fantastic last night. But Faraday! *cries*

I've been an emotional mess lately. Things with Peter are not very good, but when were they good? I don't know, he went on that day on Friday with Anastassia and had crappy sex because he's a fucking masochist and she is obviously not a sadist. So he's all frustrated and stuff but he's still seeing her, which I don't understand. He's ranting to me about how terrible it was and how he doesn't think he can have a relationship with her but he's putting on this facade. It's ridiculous. He should just be honest with her, but I guess it's hard. BDSM can get really complicated. I think I'm already fed up of dealing with it. Like, can I give up now? I'll just never have sex again, honest. I'll abstain from all whippy floggy chokey hurty things for the rest of my life!

I'm hungry. Ugh.

I slept four hours last night. I could have gotten four and a half hours of sleep but I had something that required immediate attention after I'd packed up my books. Okay, so it wasn't that important but I was frustrated.

We are all frustrated.

Sexually.

Yeah. Four months and four days. Okay, okay. I am fine. Not. Not fine. MUST REPRESS ALL HUMAN NEEDS!!!!

There's a really attractive guy darting about my life giving me this sort of false hope thing. But I don't know if it's false. But I don't get it and my brain is being very high school about it. And things are really really weird lately. Like, different. He's acting DIFFERENT. And there are moments that are tense and awkward and I'm not sure why but I know it's not me doing anything that's making things like this.

I don't know. I don't know.

All I know is that I really want him on so many levels all at once. Mainly intellectually and emotionally, actually.

I rambled a lot about a lot of bad things...

Mit dir bin ich auch allein

What a semi-lovely day.

I got to sleep in for an extra hour. Well, that was because of a funeral that Mom and Dad went to, but it's still a good thing.

Pan and Hari and Georgie came to visit me for a bit. It was good to see them.

Lecture was alright... I like McPherson's lectures.

I feel very alone though. And so angry about so many things.

This negative energy has its highs and lows. At times it makes me uber productive. At other times, it makes me want to lie down on the floor, glassy-eyed, Marpesian marbled, angry at the Moirai.

The latter, though? Not in my best interests.

I really need a de-stressing session.

P.S. Fuck my life

Exam schedule just came out a few minutes ago.

Here's mine.

AS/GK 1000 6.0
Saturday 23 May 2009, 8:30-10:30
Steadman Lecture Hall E

AS/LA 1000 6.0
Wednesday 27 May 2009, 12:00 - 2:00
Steadman Lecture Hall E

AS/HIST 1050 6.0
Sunday 24 May 2009, 12:00 - 3:00
Tait Mackenzie Student Fieldhouse East


Yep. Yep. That's right. Not ONLY do I have an exam at 8:fucking30 on a Saturday morning in STEADMAN LECTURE HALL (DEATHHHH), but I have an exam the NEXT DAY at NOON which gives me BARELY ANY TIME TO STUDY.

Then Latin on the 27th which isn't so bad.

There's one listed for Myth though, which is lame because we shouldn't have an exam for that course. I just emailed Fisher about it.

Also, why is the history one three-hours long? AND WHY IS IT IN TAIT? Kill meeeeee.

This is going to be a bad week.

I know this because Tyler knows this.

Haha I kid.

It's not going to be very nice though.

Getting my wisdom teeth out.
Getting my period.
Zio Amarino died yesterday.
My favourite jeans are tight.
I failed yesterday's Greek quiz.
Peter and I got into a massive fight last night.
I'm in love.
The weather fucking sucks.
I have too much reading to do for history.
I don't have a summer job yet.
Latin is becoming incomprehensible.
Alterna's bank machine is not working so I cannot deposit my paycheque or withdraw money, which I need to eat lunch, and also to pay for a fucking chai latte because I fucking want one. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck.

I need therapy.

Or a hug.

Or someone to torture with some nice hurty things for an hour or so.

This sucks mostly because last week was so excellent. Weather was beautiful, I finished the Aeneid, finished the Latin paper, no Latin class Wednesday, no Greek class Friday, skipped Wednesday's myth lecture because of a guest speaker and just enjoyed my friends, Lost was wicked cool, I slept a bit more than usual (except for Wednesday, I was up til 2 a.m. that night which was uber fun).

There are I think five weeks left of classes, and then exams (speaking of which, the schedule is up today, thanks for reminding me... yes, I just thanked myself). I can't wait til this is over. It was a good year, sure, but tumultuous. Really fucked up. Between all the emotional crap and the fucking strike, I am getting a little annoyed by now. It's hard to still have such a long way to go when some people are actually already DONE.

...then I will do it all over again starting June 8. Tralala summer school. At least it's just one course.

Also I figure it's worth mentioning that Peter wrote his exams last week and probably got into A.U.Th. Good for him. He wanted me to help pick his courses. I spent a lot of time trying to understand the Greek university system just to help him out but now that probably does really mean shit all.

:)

Bright sunshiney day. NOT.

Fuck you.

Down to the wire...

... for the next month and a half.

Insanely busy. It is too much.

But things are well. On the 27th I hung out with my true loves, got drunk, and had a fab time at Rocky. That was a good weekend because I got money from my extended fam :D

Saw Justin on Saturday :D He came by at around 8, left at a quarter to midnight.

Have a lot to do now though. Just posting to confirm aliveness.

Also, I am on Twitter these days, which I update way more often.

www.twitter.com/jjjjeah

I'm actually not dead

Just piled with work. But I am alive and kicking! And in the Student Centre (which is currently being decorated for York's birthday) with a chai latte. Rawr.

So. Things. Last Monday was my birthday! I got the iPod clock radio I had been planning to buy. Thanks parents! It's actually gorgeous, I effing love it. It functions as an excellent stereo as well so it's totally wicked. Emi bought me some orgasmic body spray too - lime coconut and mango mandarin. We went out for dinner at Kelsey's that night and I had a lime daiquiri. The lovely and nice waiter brought me molten lava cake that was fresh baked and delicious despite the fact that I hate chocolate. Dio also sang me happy birthday that day. And was all hippy and asked me to drink his blood. I can't remember the circumstances, just that I love him!

Last Tuesday I was assigned a mammoth 20% essay by my dear Colin, who stops being dear when he piles on the work. However the topics were really interesting. I'm doing mine on British Music Hall. I have books and excellent articles. Might do well on it. I hope so!

Got my Iliad paper back last Wednesday. Got an A? Yes I did. Go me! I was ecstatic.

I understand Latin lately. Except that I have to start learning the fourth principal part. Argh. Lucius, tuus pater sum! Yes, I just said Luke I am your father in Latin. Anyway, we had a test Monday, on which I received a 95. Niceh niceh. My lowest so far is an 87.

I understand Greek contract verbs now. But froze during the quiz on Monday. I don't think I did very well on it but the important thing is that I get it now. The Greek third declension? No so much. I'm working on it though.

I don't know what else to say. I worked last weekend? It was an alright weekend but I was exhausted as I was up til 11 doing work Friday.

This weekend will be crazy. Schedule:
- Tomorrow night = Rocky Horror @ the Bloor with Anna, Edie, Jared, and Chris. This will involve drinking.
- Saturday morning (FUCKING EARLY) = getting picked up by Dad
- Saturday evening = fucktard family coming over for mine and Emi's birthday
- Sunday morning = work bright and early at 8 a.m.
- Sunday afternoon/ evening = going to see Christina for her 25th
- Sunday night = passed out dead from lack of oxygen and/or sleep

As you can see, I am booked booked booked. People don't believe me when they say I have no time. Therefore I have been attempting to get more homework done during this week.

Actually, right now I should be either reading Antigone or working on the Latin paper on Horace which is due May 4th. Eh. Everyone needs a break? Well, I don't have class til 11:30 today and then it's just for an hour so I should be alright.

What else? I can't remember everything, but the nub and gist of what should come next is that I fucking love my friends.

Hopelessly, I'll love you endlessly

Things. Thingie things.

Things have been okay? I think.

School is school. Not much happened this week other than I probably bombed Thursday's 1050 midterm. *sigh* I love passive verbs in Latin though. Latin makes my heart sing.

Life is life? Talked to Peter Friday and loved him. Things seem to have calmed down with psycho girl but she's still a total bitch. But it's okay because she fails. In an epic way.

Yesterday was the ROM. Book of the Dead of Amen-em-hat. It was a fantastic time! I brought Emi along. We went for lunch at Jack Astor's. I love my Classics friends!!!!! Then on the way home, we passed by Mom and Dad's old houses, like when they were small. Like, when my grandparents immigrated here. I got goosebumps. I'd seen the houses in photos but it's weird to actually BE there. We even passed by the grocery store where Mom and Dad met. It was wicked.

I finished the Bakkhai really quickly. Why? Because it was amazing. Very amazing. Uber-amazing.

Studying for tomorrow's Greek quiz that I'm going to fail.

Tomorrow is my birthday? I'll be 19. Geezer!

Did I mention that I love my two Special Ones way too much? Probably.

Today is the Ides of March. R.I.P. Gaius Julius Caesar, probably one of the greatest leaders this world has ever seen.

"Bear with me; my heart is in the coffin there with Caesar, and I must pause till it come back to me."

Oops.

Love might lead me to the ER soon.

Not of my own doing. Just so y'all know.

However, after some hesitation and second thoughts and ideas of maybe letting this one slide, I have decided to just accept it.

First off, I could press charges.

Secondly... I think he might be worth it.

Monday?!

But that's four days away!

;_;

I miss him already?

Hahahaha, lifey lifey life!

I laugh.

Five hours of sleep.

Coffee and a muffin?

Is this poetry?

http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/

The above is amazing.

I have to go to the drugstore today.

I am not getting enough work done but I have two hours.

My five-year plan is being demolished by 2110 and the fact that its time slot is a bitch and doesn't agree with my GK 2000 course. FUCK YOU! There is just not enough time to take all the courses I want.

An attractive Jew just walked by. I am feeling particularly Week-like because my monthly curse didn't visit this month. Therefore I would like to have sex with him.

I am in love with two beautiful things. Oops. It's their fault.

I am getting all weird because of the coffee and the aforementioned issues with my course plan. Fack mah laife. Mom was right when she told me not to plan so extensively but I needed to in order to maintain my sanity :)

Chickachickayeee!

... as Dim would say.

Quick updat0rz? Well, I got my Latin and Greek exams back. 92.5% and 96% respectively. Yus! I got the A+s I wanted. I am only mildly pissed that all the mistakes I made were stupid ones. It's not that I didn't know things, but that I was careless. I was fully capable of getting perfect on both of them. Ah well.

Didn't get the Iliad essay back. However, Fisher specifically mentioned mine (and Petra's) in class as being brilliant so I am very happy and hopeful. A B+ is all I ask for!

Lost was great tonight but now I have so much work to catch up on. *sigh*

Job interview in the Faculty of Science Friday. Joy joy joy!

Almost my birthday. Oof.

I am so in love right now. Not with Peter. Well, with him too, but I am not really referring to him, if that makes sense. I don't know. Things are stirring. Let's see where this takes us, shall we? Life is fucked.

And I don't mind. :)

Polyamory is difficult though.

Seems that all I really was doing was waiting for you...

Oh, contentment.

Seven hours of studying happily resulted in my slaying of the easy peasy four pages that was my Latin exam in about half an hour. Despite a fire alarm in CLH at about 3:25, we managed to start it just twenty minutes later without much hassle.

Went to Anna's. Had a great salad and laughed at the lunacy of her family. We decorated her wall with pages from NOW magazine and watched hilarious things on TV. Stayed up til 3 a.m. just talking about the randomest things in that sort of delirious mode that my body sets itself to when I'm awake for 21 hours.

Woke up at 8:30ish this morning and headed downtown for her physics lecture. We ate lemon cranberry muffins. Her prof is funny and small. Then we dashed to Queen and Come As You Are and I bought a rubber flogger that hurt like a bitch and saw all the hurty things that made me lovelovelove Peter, mein liebchen, which I have been doing more since we have made our relationship less mad. More on that later. Anyway, then we got lemon crêpes to go from Our Place and I loved life a lot and we got back in time and no trouble from parents because they didn't find out I was lying. It was just a good day.

And I lovelovelove Peter. I said that but I am saying it again. Things are fucked. We aren't 'together' the way we were between September and February. But we are 'together' in the way we were from October to August. And you know what? I prefer that. It's less serious. It's less pressure. I can be more appreciative. I don't automatically go from thinking PETER to thinking PROBLEM OMG I WILL NEVER SEE HIM. Obviously that's on my mind but it just does not bother me anymore. I can't really label what's going on. Am I single? Am I "taken" (or rather, have I taken someone? Because no one takes me, bitch)? I don't know, I can't answer that. He's got his Facebook bit set to "In an open relationship" again and it makes me really happy.

Maybe we can be Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor the way I always wanted. Once they had their outline in place, they became happy.

And shut the fuck up, world. I don't care what you say. I can be mad about Peter and mad about this other upstart bloke at the same time! Well I don't know if I'm mad about him... but sometimes he won't get out of my brain. I don't know where it's going to go but I would like to have a small something with him at least for a few minutes, just a few minutes of connection, you know?

But he's not Peter. No one is Peter. And I don't want anyone else to be Peter.

<3

I'm in love all over again. Shit.

Gone Fishin'

Or just to school and then Anna's till tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be a fun purchasing day! :D

STOP IT!

Today I went to the ROM. Jolly fun times. It was a good day with Mike and Natalia and Widad. New adventures and such. We saw the diamond exhibit, which was wicked awesome.

But now my brain is really all over the place and I am going insane. So many thoughts at once. Oh so many doubts. Too fucking many. I don't know what anything means anymore. I don't know what HE means when he says those things, or when he leans in close, or when the lightest touch sets off all kinds of alarms inside my head. Why? Fuck, why?

Peter's being disgustingly supportive, and I hate it. I am never happy though. If he was being sulky, I'd hate that too. I just don't like having him be the supportive friend. He's my love, and my lovER. He can never be less than that even when we are eventually 100% done with each other.

Too many thoughts. Too many fucking feelings. Can I give up on emotions for Lent?

Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein...

Where to begin? Well.

Friday, I do not remember anything, mostly because I was at home doing nothing because of exam break. Saturday was work. Aruna is back, fun times. It was rather busy Saturday, actually.

Sunday I was off work - FUCK YES. I went to Rogers and got a new phone, a red Motokrazr. I was initially very sad to let my old Nokia go but I am really liking the new one. Spiffy and new :) Pissed I can't get my own ringtone on there though. I keep trying to get Ulysses but it's not working! After Rogers I went to the ACE basement and met up with Tallee, Viki, Dio, Athina, Sarah, and my other Greek mates. Dio was hilarious and I loved him a lot that day, because he is just a beautiful person. And he told me I had ancient eye structure and insisted that I am not Italian but Greek (because of Magna Grecia). I am going to be sad to see him go this summer :( The exam went very well though.

No school this week. Monday I made my awesome Middle Eastern meal. Homemade tahini, hummus, falafels, and patates salatasi. It was a lot of work but so worth it. The food was amazing. I had SO much hummus left and I thought we'd never get rid of it but we finished it this evening O_O

(Random note: No You Girls is on the new iTouch commercial, which is a bad thing because it causes periodic near-orgasms, because that song is obviously about femdom and Alex Kapranos would be the most delicious sub ever.)

Yesterday I spent a lot of time working on the Latin review, and talking to Anna about all sorts of weird BDSM things, which has sadly and/or happily become our lives these days. I also watched Verfolgt a.k.a. Punish Me, which was an excellent but heartbreaking film. Also, Kostja Ullmann would be the second most delicious sub ever.

I might buy a flogger and/or a crop on Monday and I am excited as fuck. Even though I don't really have anyone to use them on.

Speaking of which, I still don't know what's going on with Peter. We are on speaking terms now but it is mostly very friendly... well, no, not friendly. It's very sexually charged, maybe even more so than before, as things always are when we're making up after a fight. However I really don't know if we are just going to pick up the relationship where we left off. Things are really different this time around. I think I've finally pushed him into acknowledging that there are a lot of problems with this set-up. We've sort of just decided to cool things down for about two weeks. We're not fighting and I don't think we're "together" (though his Facebook still says he is "In A Relationship"...), but we are still in love and that's really about it. I am wondering if this is a step to giving the poly thing a go. Is it poly or open? I don't really know. I don't think he's poly. I think I might be. I'm always in love with more than one person at once. I am right now. Badly. But I actually cannot discuss who the other person is because it could fuck things up terribly as he is also a really good friend of mine and I don't want to mess with that. What scares me is that I am getting this vibe that he is interested... so... even though I tell Peter that the opportunities don't really come up... well, they might. Or one might. Bah. It's the first test, of myself and of Pete. I wish all relationships were easy and black and white instead of black and blue and totally fucked up. *sigh*

Going to the ROM tomorrow with Mike, Natalia, and Widad. I'll probably buy a membership this time, which will make me feel retarded for not doing so last time, but such is life.

"You'd rather be a bitch than be an ordinary broken heart"

I really wish I could update with gusto. But I cannot.

Things of note? Two tests went well yesterday? Spent a few hours at Anna's, watching Shortbus and Young People Fucking (both hilarious, but Shortbus was more artistic - love that John Cameron Mitchell!) Handed in the essay, went to a useless lecture, then got to spend at least a few minutes with Mike. Was with him for about forty minutes in the morning, actually. He was playing AOM before class haha.

Today was alright. Slightly boring. Was with Mike for a couple of hours though, because he's nice like that and is somehow around to keep me company when I need it. I like friends! I might be going down to the ROM again on the 26th. Natalia and Mike are def going, not sure who else. Hopefully Viki, whom I love a lot because she is an amazing girl.

Don't know what's going on with Peter. Haven't talked to him since Thursday. I sent him another email. This one was rather long and ranty and really just schizo. Hopefully he won't ignore it. I just want to know what's going on, really. I'm half of this relationship and it's pathetic that I don't know if it's over or not.

Off tomorrow. Off til the 4th of March, actually. Exam on Sunday (no work at Subway, woo!) and another on March 2nd.

Taking the night off, I think. But I did so yesterday to watch Lost (which was AMAZING) so I might feel slightly guilty...

........

I'm so bad at this.

But it's been a rough week.

I promise that tomorrow I will write something. Maybe.

Damn.

I intended to update.

But I am in a very shitty mood right now.

I can't see my prof for office hours before the essay is due so I don't know if it's even good at all.

Also, I might be single.

At least I got a 97 on Monday's Greek quiz. And had a really fantastic day yesterday. Sarah, Viki, Natalia, Mike, and Dio make my life worth living some days.

Note to self.

Update tomorrow.

:D I'm funny.

I'm still bloody terrible at this

I still don't update often enough. Bah.

Well. I was going to retype my whole spiel about my history paper that somehow got deleted from my last blog, but I'll skip it and just inform you that even though Colin scared the crap out of me and made me think I'd gotten a D, I really pulled off an A. BECAUSE I AM JUST THAT AWESOME! And a history genius.

It was really nice to see Colin again. I missed him! He is just such a genuinely nice person and I like hearing what he has to say about what we've been doing in class. Also he was really happy that I started that topic about Germinal on Moodle once I'd finished reading it. Apparently the profs were really happy with him and the rest of the TAs were jealous. Ha! Wonder if that had anything to do with the A I got... nah, just kidding.

Wednesday was fine, obv. Latin and Greek still make sense, thankfully. Had a good tutorial with Fisher and then just spent the rest of the day goofing around with Natalia and Mike. We didn't go to lecture because they were screening Full Metal Jacket and we'd already watched it. Earlier that morning I bought a regular chai latte from Second Cup. I put two packets of Splenda in it and shook some cinnamon on top. Just so you know - it's an orgasm. In a fucking cup. It was amazing. I had one this morning but there was no cinnamon, only vanilla powder :( IT'S NOT THE SAME! But the hot emo guy was working so I can get over the absence of cinnamon.

Lost was good Wednesday. Ooer. I can't even remember my days anymore.

Yesterday was history lecture and then doc appointment, which was fine. I just have blood in my urine and might die of kidney failure. Haha kidding. We don't know what's wrong with me but I've got to book an appointment with Dr. Langer so he can refer me to a urologist. Chances are nothing's wrong. Sometimes having a small amount of blood in one's urine is hereditary, and pretty much all of Dad's family has it. They've just got to be wary because I'm at risk of diabetes because of my PCOS. PCOS has to be the fucking worst non-fatal condition to have. It fucks up your life, seriously. Sometimes I don't know how I wake up in the morning. I'm just going to fall apart one day anyway!

Just a word of note - www.failblog.org and www.fmylife.com are two really fucking amazing websites for a few - i.e. nine thousand - good laughs.

I can't really think of anything else to say. I'm at 581 words in my essay. I sat staring at the screen for a while last night. Barely wrote anything. Couldn't focus. A few reasons why. Can't talk about them. General sexual frustration is probably the root problem. Amazing how much hold it can have over us. I need to shut myself off.

I am working tomorrow and it makes me want to cry. Between work and school, I won't have a day off until the 16th, which I will likely use to study for exams. (By the way, no midterm-period history exam, it will be on March 12th, and part two of the newspaper essay isn't due til the 10th, yay!)

I am contemplating booking Valentine's Day off, but I don't know yet whether or not I'll need a day off for a weekend exam. I just wanted to go chill with Anna on the 14th since we'll both be alone. And I was going to go downtown to buy a crop! Still not sure if I can take the day off though. We'll see. I hope the fucking inspector doesn't come tomorrow. I don't think he usually comes on a Saturday but he did that time I took the day off to meet my mates for Chrimb - December 20th, it was.

I am just really unsatisfied with my job. I need a new one.

Good news though - History of Astronomy is offered over SU term so I'll be taking it this summer :D

It's so good to be back!

So. I'm back at York! :D 

Actually, I was back yesterday, but a combination of being busy and being lazy and the fact that 24 was on really prevented me from writing anything (or doing any homework). 

It was so fantastic to be back yesterday. I was so happy to see the hustle and bustle. Everyone I know was in high spirits about being back (though there are occasional grumblings, not to mention the whole campaign to have YFS President Osman impeached). There were random camera crews everywhere though. It was annoying. I wish they would have just left us alone to continue our education in peace. They don't seem to be around today though. A good thing, in my opinion. Maybe the snow chased them away! (Speaking of which, it def took us TWO HOURS to get here today, as opposed to the usual forty minutes) 

Classes were good. Professor Lewis was happy to see us and we reviewed about 6 chapters of Latin. I think I'm going to be okay for the exam - I completed up to Chapter 16 on my own and we're only doing 14 by midterm. We've got an assignment for winter term though, damn.

Greek was fun because it's always been a very relaxed atmosphere as it is. Dionysos was up to his usual antics. Being friends with Viki now makes it more fun as well. I sat in a row with her, Sarah, Natalia, Elias, and Frank (the latter two are random Greek guys who major in kines, Elias in second year and Frank in third year). It's just fun and better than Sarah and I sitting in drowsy isolation in our little row, or in the row behind it when the Greeks took it. But now they shan't since they're our friends :D What saddened me about Greek class was that Surtees looks like she must have dropped 10 to 15 pounds since the strike started. She wasn't big as it is. It's sad, because it means she just didn't have enough money to pay for both rent and food since she's contract. :( Poor CUPEs. I love them all. Anyway, we have to be up to Chapter 12 by midterm - nice, since I'm at Chapter 11!

After Greek was a five-hour break. I spent the first hour eating lunch alone, but then was joined by Natalia, Mike, and Viki at 12:30. Viki ended up leaving after a while but the other two and I just chilled in Vari killing that time. It goes by sooooooo slowly. But it's nice to spend it with them because we have a lot of random fun :D 

Anna came to visit at around 4:15 so I took her to Myth lecture. Myth lecture was like a speed-analysis through Books 18-24 of The Iliad. Tordoff was lecturing, naturally, despite his obvious case of the sniffles. He even read from the ancient Greek again, his accent is TOO funny. Surtees would be appalled! Then we got some fantastic fucking news about the new syllabus. Our Iliad essay isn't due til the 18th. YESSSS. I'm at 453 words already. Some people haven't even started to read The Iliad. I am AHEAD! Also, we ARE having a midterm, but we don't have a final exam for that course :O We all clapped. Amazing! Instead we'll have two in-tutorial assignments as well as a test at the end of classes (second-last week of May-ish).

Today I've just got history - lecture at 11:30 and tutorial with COLIN!

[AUTHOR'S NOTE - I definitely had a whole paragraph here about my history course but for some reason it didn't post so I guess I'll write it again later, fack]

I just hope it's not due the 18th like The Iliad one. It'd be nice if it's due after the exam break so I'd have that time to work on it.

A bit of good news - History of Astronomy is offered in the SU term :) I am probably going to take it. It'd be more practical to take it this year just because I'd rather save next year for working completely full-time the full four months. I do plan to work this summer but obviously not completely full-time. I really want to get a job on/ around campus, that way Mom can drive me here and home everyday. I could actually work Monday to Friday. Because I want weekends off, damn it! Is that so much to ask for? Only problem is that Dad is bent on going up to the Koufis' cottage for a week, but if I have a course, no can do. I'll probably stay with Mom's Greek friend Betty. Which would be good if I have a job around here since she lives right at Sentinel and Four Winds. It will give me so much freedom :D Or I could stay at Anna's but I'm not sure how that will work. We'll see. 

So I'm just chilling in the Student Centre for now. It's getting more lively at this hour. More people showing up. The usual buzz :P Good to be back!

I'm Learnding!

Monday, I will be back at school.

SQUEE.

The legislation passed yesterday. Sessional dates are out and they're actually having an SU term!! Fingers crossed History of Astronomy is offered. 

I am very happy, despite the fact that a bunch of vindictive assholes are trying to bankrupt the university via a class action law suit. But, let's ignore 'em. I'll be glad to get back to my York.

Finally talked to Peter yesterday. Happy about that. I don't like going too long without talking to him. It worries me. He's just been feeling upset lately, and he didn't want to talk to me because he had a feeling we'd get into an argument.

Anna's also been very testy lately and I am not appreciating it in the slightest. She's developed this habit of being disgustingly condescending. I can only take so much these days. But once I am back in school I will have a very valid reason to ignore all the BS that comes up and voilà, no longer my problem. I have to learn to be cold and distant again. This is what happens when I have feelings. I knew they were a bad idea. It's okay, this is Day One of telling anyone to fuck off if they decide to shit all over me about what's wrong in their lives. Solution :D

Yesterday Dio told me that he's taking a year off next year to live in Greece and do some travelling. And then he might switch to university in Greece. Note to self: Don't be friends with Greeks. They'll all leave you in the end. I am actually very sad about this. *sigh*

Well, I'm off to... er... do something. I still haven't started that essay. Big trouble. 

Bridges are Burning, I'm Finally Learning

My relationship is falling apart.

Yes, thank you, all you nay-sayers about long-distance relationships, for being so damn insightful. 

I haven't talked to Peter on the phone since last Tuesday, when we listened to the inauguration together and he cried because he is just everything I'm not and I don't cry, ever, even when it'd be to my benefit. We haven't talked in general since Thursday. 

Lately when we do talk, I feel like there is nothing to say, or if I want to say something, I can't say it, because I'm afraid of what he'll think. I fail at being a Domme, I'm not supposed to give a shit about what he thinks. But I do. Because I love him. And that's the only thing I find myself capable of discussing with him. The fact that I love him.

And what the fuck are we going to do? 

While his visit last month was beautiful and wonderful and everything was just so happy and lalalalala etc, I feel like it only really showed us how hard this thing is going to be. The seven months he was gone were hard, of course. But this last month has been so much harder, just because I had him back for a few hours and then suddenly he was just ripped away from me AGAIN. For fuck's sake, I can't believe that my one chance at something good like this has to be fucked up so greatly.

I suppose it's my fault for telling him I wanted him to go. Not that I wanted him out, but I wanted him to do what he wanted to do, and he is just Greece on Legs. He needs to be there. It's where he belongs.

Where do I belong? Do I belong here? I'm so stubborn about staying here and people ask me if I'll ever go live with him. I've missed Greece - specifically Athens - with all my heart everyday since I came back from there in 2006, but what does that mean? And do I want him to come back here after the five years? And does HE want to come back? Do I want to wait til I'm done my Ph.D.? But where the fuck would I teach in Greece if I don't speak the language? 

Breaking up with him seems reasonable and simultaneously unreasonable. I have no real reason to, you see. A pre-emptive breakup seems juvenile and there really wouldn't be any closure. I'd just keep loving him and he just might hate me. Maybe that's why we're so quick to fight with each other. I have a feeling he's thinking the same things, and we just get into it over stupid little things because we need a reason to end this but we just can't bloody find one. The fights never last. We forgive each other too easily and then are drunk on renewed love for a week or two. He fucking cheated on me and all I could do was love him, not even get angry about it. 

Fuck life. When did I get so damn sentimental? I'm writing a whole blog post about how much I love my boyfriend. I'm almost catching Normal. It's disgusting. I wonder if OHIP covers the Normal shot. 

Anna suggested we just sort of let it go and agree that we'll be together again five years from now if it's in the cards. But thinking of that makes my heart just... writhe. I can't do that. I mean, Peter's a huge slut and snogs most things that walk unless they're animals or children. And you know what? I can totally handle that. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. But the fact is that I know he still loves me and that I am his "Official Girlfriend" (omgz) and it makes all the difference. 

We tried to make this an "open relationship" thing when he left but look how that turned out. He had this weird idea that I was out fucking a million guys, or at least wanted to. Obviously, I was not. I did that for HIM, so HE didn't feel trapped. If he could understand that then it might work. 

Or not. Because, really, what is the point of that? The problem isn't that we want to see other people. The problem is that we want to see each other and we just fucking can't. 

And maybe I want some aspects of the Normal Relationship. I want him to meet my family, and I want them to like him even though he's got eight piercings and a tattoo and fucked me while they were shopping and lets me do really painful things to him. I want to bring him to my cousin's birthday and watch him play games with Alessia and Isabella, the way Diana can watch Frankie or Josie can watch Anthony. Even though it's annoying, I want Uncle Gino to pester me about my boyfriend and tell him to bring him over for Easter. I want him to meet my godfather, and they can talk about the homeland they share, in Greek, and Uncle Chris will get all befuddled because Peter's Greek is better than his. 

And I want him to meet my friends. Like, my real friends. I want him to meet Anna. That's so important to me. She's talked to him online and they seem to get along, which is a good sign because neither of them put on a Web Mask. But I want them to meet and actually Talk because they are both really good at Talking. With a capital T. Like, REALLY Talking. Not just speaking. Talking. 

I guess we just can't get what we want. I don't know what to do about this. We've been talking about the "open" thing but I just feel he's going to misunderstand it again. I've just got this weird idea that it'd be such a waste to sit around here like Penelope waiting for her Odysseus only to have Odysseus not return home this time. But I am not Penelope, there ARE no suitors running around here. So am I really wasting my time?

But what if there are suitors who just aren't revealing themselves because they think I'm unavailable? Are we only capable of loving one person at once? I think I've always had polyamorous tendencies. 

Conclusion: Fuck my life.

Other things? Last Wednesday I went to the ROM with Sarah, Natalia, Viki, Mike, and a girl named Widad who is a friend of Natalia and Mike's. It was such a fucking great time, especially since Sarah had never been there. All of us but Widad were Classics/ History majors so we had a Classics nerd orgy on the third floor. This is different from a sex orgy. Classics nerd orgies are just all of us talking at once really fast and really loudly about different parts of the exhibit and just getting drunk off the beauty of the common interest. It was a good time. Mike is rather amazing too, he named all the types of dinosaurs just by looking at their fossils. Brilliant much? Be still my beating heart. 

I worked over the weekend. Most obviously, since I always do. Saturday was hell though. I worked a nine-hour shift (literal nine, felt more like Greek nine) because it was our Grand Opening sale (two months after we opened??) and we had a Buy One Get One Free thing. It took SIX employees to keep it going the eight hours. Apparently Ray LOST money. Well, good for him, he was giving me hell Saturday about things he NEVER trained me for. And also for things I didn't do. Things done FRIDAY NIGHT, yet I work Saturday and Sunday mornings. At least I made about seventy bucks. Sunday was SO quiet compared to Saturday, I'm telling you. Nine hours... longest shift I've ever worked, probably. I think at Taco Bell I worked eight and a half once, but it was a Sunday so it wasn't steady business like this time was. Everytime I looked up the line seemed LONGER. Utter fucking madness.

Want to hear some madly happy news? McGuinty is imposing Back to Work Legislation! Okay, okay, I know, it's not that happy. I voted NDP. I am firmly pro-union, anti-government, no pasaran, all that anarchist propaganda shit. HOWEVER. Like all humans, and don't anyone argue this with me, I am inherently self-concerned. I want to go back to school. I want to go back to class. So, yeah, it sucks that the government's involved and that even though CUPE has lowered their demands twice since the No vote came out Tuesday York won't negotiate. But sometimes these things happen. Sometimes the little guy doesn't win. 

The NDP is holding up the legislation for now, but we should be back by Friday or Monday or something. It will be good to be back, except that essay still hasn't been started XD I'm terrible. Maybe I'll work on it today after I read four boring-ass articles for history. 

Still, 3903 should take pride in the fact that they've inspired other divisions - 3902 (U of T), 3907 (OISE), and 4600 (CarletonU). 

I hope in a few years' time their plan to strike all at once happens. The chaos will be so beautiful. *shiver*

I am incapable of creative blog titles

This is being done just for the sake of documentation of the life that is mine, and also pathetico.

Wednesday, we went to York. Fun times. Results from blood test not too alarming, looks like just a weird reading came out, same thing happened before so I went back into the lab today to do it again. After the appointment we went to the bookstore (bought a book by Adrian Goldsworthy, "The Fall of Carthage") and Tim Horton's and I took Emi to see a few classes of mine... we had lunch with Mom at the Student Centre, then chilled out in the biblio where we found another Orgasm Aisle i.e. DF/DG, the Ancient History Aisle. I borrowed three books; two biographies of Antony, and The Last Temptation of Christ by Nikos Kazantzakis. Last stop was a Bubble Tea before we went home.

Thursday and Friday were negligible from what I remember. I did watch a great French film Friday night though. It was called The Last Mistress. Very excellent.

Saturday and Sunday was work. Easy peasy. Mexican guys hit on me on Saturday though.

Saturday evening we saw Valkyrie and, um, it was incredible. I actually downloaded it today. Very quick download from Vuze, about an hour and a half. Woot!

Yesterday I met up with Athina, Viki, Natalia, and Sarah to do some studying for Greek. We didn't get much done - too much catching up! But we did clear some things up about a few lessons we were confused about. Tomorrow I'm going to the ROM with the latter three plus Mike. Should be fun!!!

Today was inauguration day and the new President is Obama. I don't have to say much about this since it's actually a major part of history and so my documentation of it will only pale in comparison to what else is being written. But he's still alive, yay! And his speech was fantastic.

That's about all for now. Too many people talking to me on MSN. I am getting scared of my computer.

Also...

I miss Sarah, Jyoti, Viki, Natalia, and Mike A LOT!

Oh good God...

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Updaaaate?

I haven't updated in ages, I know. It's terrible.

Well, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. We are still on strike.

*twitch*

Things of note?

• I am seeing Anna a lot and we are having great groovy times! 
• I finished all my Latin for the term. Great success, but I still feel like my Latin and Greek are slowly trickling out of my brain everyday. 
• I still haven't started my essay on the Iliad, but neither has Mike... that is a good excuse.
• There were crazy awesome riots by the people against the government in Greece. And, of course, my sexy rebel anarchist boyfriend who is sexy and also FUCKING sexy (there is a difference between the two) participated in these from Thessaloniki. They lasted about twenty days, all very awesome things going on... uprising against the government by mostly the youth, the leftists, N-SYN and SYRIZA followers... all in memory of Alexis Grigoropoulos, a 15-year-old boy who was murdered by police. R.I.P., little buddy - I hope your heart smiled, wherever you were
• Christmas was fun times all around. I really love my mother's family.
• Thanks to Edie and Anna, I now own seasons 1 and 2 of Queer as Folk on DVD. 
• I am not a virgin anymore. Shh. 
• I finished Germinal. If I could cry, I would have cried. It was fucking amazing. 

I can't think of anything else. Oh, work at Subway is going pretty well. Money is fun. The Home Depot store is love, except that it's not very busy so the shifts feel a lot longer than six hours. 

Here's to a good 2009. York and CUPE are meeting tomorrow. Hopefully they'll figure shit out because I miss York a lot. A lot a lot a lot.