07 May 2009

Twilight omens in my life

Wow. It's only been a week and I'm updating again. Am I getting better at this? Yes, yes I am.

So. Um. Let me think. What's been up? Who knows.

I quit my job last Saturday. Indeed. Even though Ray is not here. I told Aruna flat-out. My last day is May 17th. And I swear, Saturday really solidified my decision to leave. Not only was the story kind of messy in an annoying way, but we had to make three large sub platters for 1:30. That's 21 freaking subs. I had to make three whole sets of bread that morning! Scary moment Sunday morning though... totally forgot to turn the chiller on for the meat counter? O_O Luckily everything was still at temp and I managed to get it working as usual. Oof, scary moment!!!

Also, I finished the Aeneid essay over the weekend. Worked on it Saturday and Sunday evenings. Put my final touches on it yesterday.

Monday was beautiful and fantastic. I don't remember much about the actual day but after class I didn't go home. Aunt Mary picked me up and we went out to the Happy Greek for dinner, which was nice. I love Aunt Mary because she's wicked awesome. Then we went down to Kool Haus for the Franz Ferdinand concert! I gots myself a tshirt, rawr. And the show was just... ah. Ah. Ah.

It was amazing.

I haven't been to many concerts, but that was the best. They are SO good live. They sound exactly the way they do on their albums. Maybe even better, because it's so... RAW. You could hear the emotion in Alex's voice during some of the songs. It was just a really great stress reliever. It was so relaxed, everyone was just dancing... This Fire was the final song of the encore and the energy was incredible. EVERYONE was dancing. It was just a stupendous evening. I'm so glad I went. I took videos too, because Emi is in Ottawa with school so he couldn't come. My videos are alright, but I did find some footage taken by other people who were at the concert and theirs are fantastic. So I can relive that night again and again :D

This week has been a little crazy. Handed in the Latin paper, had a Latin test, had a Greek quiz Monday (which I managed to do well on even though I barely studied), weekly Greek assignment, and trying to finish the reading for this essay on British music halls. It's the last essay of the year, and it's due Tuesday. I finished my reading/ research only last night. I JUST came up with a thesis and outline a few minutes ago. Eek. I'm going to have to buckle down and write this thing.

I am really worried about 1050 in general. I am so unsure of this course and of the exam. I wanted a B+ at the end of the year, but I'm not sure I can manage that. I'm at an A now. Well, if I get A+ in both Latin and Greek (for which I am on pace) and an A in 1105 (for which I am also on pace), then a B in HIST 1050 will still keep me at an 8.0 GPA. Obviously I don't actually NEED to be at the 8.0. But I want to be. I want an A average in my first year of university. And, yes, I want that $2000 scholarship again.

So obviously tonight I should work on my essay. But I don't know if I can. This has not been a good week in terms of things to do with Pete. We've been at each other's throats and it's killing me. I've sunk back into that sort of emotionless state I was at before Peter came around. It feels really nice sometimes. To not care. So free. But then I realize that I still love him and it's just not okay. And I wonder, what happened? Last summer our relationship was so chill. I wish we could go back to that. It was in September when everything started to get so dramatic.

It's too late now though.

It bothers me.

We fought over the phone today. Badly. We didn't get anywhere. No progress. But do we even have a goal? What is the goal? What do I want? What does he want?

He wanted to get back together. I was hesitant. I thought I loved someone else. This week, I realized I didn't. But now Peter's got that girlfriend of his, yet I have no idea how he actually feels about her. He complains about her. Should I pity this girl? Because, I do.

I just didn't know what "getting back together" would mean. I still don't know.

It's hard to deal with everything all at once.

On top of this, Chris is leaving tomorrow or Saturday or something, so Anna's going to be a wreck, and she wants consolation. But I am in no state to give anyone consolation. What am I going to say to her? That I know how it feels? Well, first off she won't believe me because she's like that and thinks she's all alone in every human experience even if it's a common one. Secondly, even if she does believe me, what do I say after that? "Yeah, I know how it feels to have to say goodbye to someone you love and watch your relationship disintegrate into something so inconceivably ugly that you could have never imagined things could turn out that way."

I can't do emotion. And I'm almost offended that she'd ask me to at this point.

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