26 February 2009

STOP IT!

Today I went to the ROM. Jolly fun times. It was a good day with Mike and Natalia and Widad. New adventures and such. We saw the diamond exhibit, which was wicked awesome.

But now my brain is really all over the place and I am going insane. So many thoughts at once. Oh so many doubts. Too fucking many. I don't know what anything means anymore. I don't know what HE means when he says those things, or when he leans in close, or when the lightest touch sets off all kinds of alarms inside my head. Why? Fuck, why?

Peter's being disgustingly supportive, and I hate it. I am never happy though. If he was being sulky, I'd hate that too. I just don't like having him be the supportive friend. He's my love, and my lovER. He can never be less than that even when we are eventually 100% done with each other.

Too many thoughts. Too many fucking feelings. Can I give up on emotions for Lent?

25 February 2009

Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein...

Where to begin? Well.

Friday, I do not remember anything, mostly because I was at home doing nothing because of exam break. Saturday was work. Aruna is back, fun times. It was rather busy Saturday, actually.

Sunday I was off work - FUCK YES. I went to Rogers and got a new phone, a red Motokrazr. I was initially very sad to let my old Nokia go but I am really liking the new one. Spiffy and new :) Pissed I can't get my own ringtone on there though. I keep trying to get Ulysses but it's not working! After Rogers I went to the ACE basement and met up with Tallee, Viki, Dio, Athina, Sarah, and my other Greek mates. Dio was hilarious and I loved him a lot that day, because he is just a beautiful person. And he told me I had ancient eye structure and insisted that I am not Italian but Greek (because of Magna Grecia). I am going to be sad to see him go this summer :( The exam went very well though.

No school this week. Monday I made my awesome Middle Eastern meal. Homemade tahini, hummus, falafels, and patates salatasi. It was a lot of work but so worth it. The food was amazing. I had SO much hummus left and I thought we'd never get rid of it but we finished it this evening O_O

(Random note: No You Girls is on the new iTouch commercial, which is a bad thing because it causes periodic near-orgasms, because that song is obviously about femdom and Alex Kapranos would be the most delicious sub ever.)

Yesterday I spent a lot of time working on the Latin review, and talking to Anna about all sorts of weird BDSM things, which has sadly and/or happily become our lives these days. I also watched Verfolgt a.k.a. Punish Me, which was an excellent but heartbreaking film. Also, Kostja Ullmann would be the second most delicious sub ever.

I might buy a flogger and/or a crop on Monday and I am excited as fuck. Even though I don't really have anyone to use them on.

Speaking of which, I still don't know what's going on with Peter. We are on speaking terms now but it is mostly very friendly... well, no, not friendly. It's very sexually charged, maybe even more so than before, as things always are when we're making up after a fight. However I really don't know if we are just going to pick up the relationship where we left off. Things are really different this time around. I think I've finally pushed him into acknowledging that there are a lot of problems with this set-up. We've sort of just decided to cool things down for about two weeks. We're not fighting and I don't think we're "together" (though his Facebook still says he is "In A Relationship"...), but we are still in love and that's really about it. I am wondering if this is a step to giving the poly thing a go. Is it poly or open? I don't really know. I don't think he's poly. I think I might be. I'm always in love with more than one person at once. I am right now. Badly. But I actually cannot discuss who the other person is because it could fuck things up terribly as he is also a really good friend of mine and I don't want to mess with that. What scares me is that I am getting this vibe that he is interested... so... even though I tell Peter that the opportunities don't really come up... well, they might. Or one might. Bah. It's the first test, of myself and of Pete. I wish all relationships were easy and black and white instead of black and blue and totally fucked up. *sigh*

Going to the ROM tomorrow with Mike, Natalia, and Widad. I'll probably buy a membership this time, which will make me feel retarded for not doing so last time, but such is life.

19 February 2009

"You'd rather be a bitch than be an ordinary broken heart"

I really wish I could update with gusto. But I cannot.

Things of note? Two tests went well yesterday? Spent a few hours at Anna's, watching Shortbus and Young People Fucking (both hilarious, but Shortbus was more artistic - love that John Cameron Mitchell!) Handed in the essay, went to a useless lecture, then got to spend at least a few minutes with Mike. Was with him for about forty minutes in the morning, actually. He was playing AOM before class haha.

Today was alright. Slightly boring. Was with Mike for a couple of hours though, because he's nice like that and is somehow around to keep me company when I need it. I like friends! I might be going down to the ROM again on the 26th. Natalia and Mike are def going, not sure who else. Hopefully Viki, whom I love a lot because she is an amazing girl.

Don't know what's going on with Peter. Haven't talked to him since Thursday. I sent him another email. This one was rather long and ranty and really just schizo. Hopefully he won't ignore it. I just want to know what's going on, really. I'm half of this relationship and it's pathetic that I don't know if it's over or not.

Off tomorrow. Off til the 4th of March, actually. Exam on Sunday (no work at Subway, woo!) and another on March 2nd.

Taking the night off, I think. But I did so yesterday to watch Lost (which was AMAZING) so I might feel slightly guilty...

18 February 2009

........

I'm so bad at this.

But it's been a rough week.

I promise that tomorrow I will write something. Maybe.

12 February 2009

Damn.

I intended to update.

But I am in a very shitty mood right now.

I can't see my prof for office hours before the essay is due so I don't know if it's even good at all.

Also, I might be single.

At least I got a 97 on Monday's Greek quiz. And had a really fantastic day yesterday. Sarah, Viki, Natalia, Mike, and Dio make my life worth living some days.

11 February 2009

Note to self.

Update tomorrow.

:D I'm funny.

06 February 2009

I'm still bloody terrible at this

I still don't update often enough. Bah.

Well. I was going to retype my whole spiel about my history paper that somehow got deleted from my last blog, but I'll skip it and just inform you that even though Colin scared the crap out of me and made me think I'd gotten a D, I really pulled off an A. BECAUSE I AM JUST THAT AWESOME! And a history genius.

It was really nice to see Colin again. I missed him! He is just such a genuinely nice person and I like hearing what he has to say about what we've been doing in class. Also he was really happy that I started that topic about Germinal on Moodle once I'd finished reading it. Apparently the profs were really happy with him and the rest of the TAs were jealous. Ha! Wonder if that had anything to do with the A I got... nah, just kidding.

Wednesday was fine, obv. Latin and Greek still make sense, thankfully. Had a good tutorial with Fisher and then just spent the rest of the day goofing around with Natalia and Mike. We didn't go to lecture because they were screening Full Metal Jacket and we'd already watched it. Earlier that morning I bought a regular chai latte from Second Cup. I put two packets of Splenda in it and shook some cinnamon on top. Just so you know - it's an orgasm. In a fucking cup. It was amazing. I had one this morning but there was no cinnamon, only vanilla powder :( IT'S NOT THE SAME! But the hot emo guy was working so I can get over the absence of cinnamon.

Lost was good Wednesday. Ooer. I can't even remember my days anymore.

Yesterday was history lecture and then doc appointment, which was fine. I just have blood in my urine and might die of kidney failure. Haha kidding. We don't know what's wrong with me but I've got to book an appointment with Dr. Langer so he can refer me to a urologist. Chances are nothing's wrong. Sometimes having a small amount of blood in one's urine is hereditary, and pretty much all of Dad's family has it. They've just got to be wary because I'm at risk of diabetes because of my PCOS. PCOS has to be the fucking worst non-fatal condition to have. It fucks up your life, seriously. Sometimes I don't know how I wake up in the morning. I'm just going to fall apart one day anyway!

Just a word of note - www.failblog.org and www.fmylife.com are two really fucking amazing websites for a few - i.e. nine thousand - good laughs.

I can't really think of anything else to say. I'm at 581 words in my essay. I sat staring at the screen for a while last night. Barely wrote anything. Couldn't focus. A few reasons why. Can't talk about them. General sexual frustration is probably the root problem. Amazing how much hold it can have over us. I need to shut myself off.

I am working tomorrow and it makes me want to cry. Between work and school, I won't have a day off until the 16th, which I will likely use to study for exams. (By the way, no midterm-period history exam, it will be on March 12th, and part two of the newspaper essay isn't due til the 10th, yay!)

I am contemplating booking Valentine's Day off, but I don't know yet whether or not I'll need a day off for a weekend exam. I just wanted to go chill with Anna on the 14th since we'll both be alone. And I was going to go downtown to buy a crop! Still not sure if I can take the day off though. We'll see. I hope the fucking inspector doesn't come tomorrow. I don't think he usually comes on a Saturday but he did that time I took the day off to meet my mates for Chrimb - December 20th, it was.

I am just really unsatisfied with my job. I need a new one.

Good news though - History of Astronomy is offered over SU term so I'll be taking it this summer :D

03 February 2009

It's so good to be back!

So. I'm back at York! :D 

Actually, I was back yesterday, but a combination of being busy and being lazy and the fact that 24 was on really prevented me from writing anything (or doing any homework). 

It was so fantastic to be back yesterday. I was so happy to see the hustle and bustle. Everyone I know was in high spirits about being back (though there are occasional grumblings, not to mention the whole campaign to have YFS President Osman impeached). There were random camera crews everywhere though. It was annoying. I wish they would have just left us alone to continue our education in peace. They don't seem to be around today though. A good thing, in my opinion. Maybe the snow chased them away! (Speaking of which, it def took us TWO HOURS to get here today, as opposed to the usual forty minutes) 

Classes were good. Professor Lewis was happy to see us and we reviewed about 6 chapters of Latin. I think I'm going to be okay for the exam - I completed up to Chapter 16 on my own and we're only doing 14 by midterm. We've got an assignment for winter term though, damn.

Greek was fun because it's always been a very relaxed atmosphere as it is. Dionysos was up to his usual antics. Being friends with Viki now makes it more fun as well. I sat in a row with her, Sarah, Natalia, Elias, and Frank (the latter two are random Greek guys who major in kines, Elias in second year and Frank in third year). It's just fun and better than Sarah and I sitting in drowsy isolation in our little row, or in the row behind it when the Greeks took it. But now they shan't since they're our friends :D What saddened me about Greek class was that Surtees looks like she must have dropped 10 to 15 pounds since the strike started. She wasn't big as it is. It's sad, because it means she just didn't have enough money to pay for both rent and food since she's contract. :( Poor CUPEs. I love them all. Anyway, we have to be up to Chapter 12 by midterm - nice, since I'm at Chapter 11!

After Greek was a five-hour break. I spent the first hour eating lunch alone, but then was joined by Natalia, Mike, and Viki at 12:30. Viki ended up leaving after a while but the other two and I just chilled in Vari killing that time. It goes by sooooooo slowly. But it's nice to spend it with them because we have a lot of random fun :D 

Anna came to visit at around 4:15 so I took her to Myth lecture. Myth lecture was like a speed-analysis through Books 18-24 of The Iliad. Tordoff was lecturing, naturally, despite his obvious case of the sniffles. He even read from the ancient Greek again, his accent is TOO funny. Surtees would be appalled! Then we got some fantastic fucking news about the new syllabus. Our Iliad essay isn't due til the 18th. YESSSS. I'm at 453 words already. Some people haven't even started to read The Iliad. I am AHEAD! Also, we ARE having a midterm, but we don't have a final exam for that course :O We all clapped. Amazing! Instead we'll have two in-tutorial assignments as well as a test at the end of classes (second-last week of May-ish).

Today I've just got history - lecture at 11:30 and tutorial with COLIN!


[AUTHOR'S NOTE - I definitely had a whole paragraph here about my history course but for some reason it didn't post so I guess I'll write it again later, fack]

I just hope it's not due the 18th like The Iliad one. It'd be nice if it's due after the exam break so I'd have that time to work on it.

A bit of good news - History of Astronomy is offered in the SU term :) I am probably going to take it. It'd be more practical to take it this year just because I'd rather save next year for working completely full-time the full four months. I do plan to work this summer but obviously not completely full-time. I really want to get a job on/ around campus, that way Mom can drive me here and home everyday. I could actually work Monday to Friday. Because I want weekends off, damn it! Is that so much to ask for? Only problem is that Dad is bent on going up to the Koufis' cottage for a week, but if I have a course, no can do. I'll probably stay with Mom's Greek friend Betty. Which would be good if I have a job around here since she lives right at Sentinel and Four Winds. It will give me so much freedom :D Or I could stay at Anna's but I'm not sure how that will work. We'll see. 

So I'm just chilling in the Student Centre for now. It's getting more lively at this hour. More people showing up. The usual buzz :P Good to be back!