I laugh

Wow, I don't post very often anymore do I?

Well, what is there to say. School is school, classes are classes, my friends are my friends, Dio is Dio, and life is life (which means that life is shit). 

Wedding Saturday. Joe and Sandra. Fun. Got drunk. Not drunk enough. But it will do for now.

Peter's in the hospital. Alcohol poisoning. Had a seizure and they couldn't wake him. He's fine now, but I am ultra-pissed and mega-worried. 

Finished the history essay. Very relieved.

A lot of Latin homework. And a midterm next Monday. Ach. 

Working Saturday probably. Miserable. I really want to go back to Taco Bell - never thought I'd say that. 

Yeah that's pretty much it. I've got to get back to work... read Book 9 of the Iliad and then get started on either Greek or Latin. Probably Greek first... it's easier. 

On the Coldest Winter Night...

This is a blog I wrote earlier (about 4ish) that didn't post for some reason.

...

It is currently snowing.

That's right. I am sitting in the parking lot, in Mom's car waiting for her and Mikey to show up. And it is SNOWING. 

It's been pretty cold since yesterday, and Tara told me they had snow up in Nipissing, but I really didn't expect it to start snowing today! I was just not ready for this I suppose... I can take the cold, but I need time to brace myself! Anyway, I'm currently warding off the chill with a small hot chocolate from my little cute café place at York Lanes. I was GOING to indulge and get myself something from Second Cup since it was on my way to the parking lot, but the lineup was way too long. And also, Second Cup is a corporate bitch. And my café is quick... and sells baklava. Ooh. <3

Nothing much worth noting of Sunday. Did flash cards and homework. What else is fucking new.

Yesterday was actually a pretty fantastic day! Got my Latin test back... hahaha. Thought I failed. Pulled a 96% out of the hat. What the fuck? Ridic. And I seem to understand these pronoun things. Thank you, French. 

Greek was hilarious as usual (well, after a shitty adjective quiz of course). Quote of the day (when we were discussing herms); "So... horny statues keep away bad luck?" Also, Dio was funny as usual, especially when we had to share Rachel's Ancillary book between the three of us because he and I are silly. And he had a seashell necklace he made in honour of a libation to Aphrodite. And offered to make me one. I don't think I answered, I was too busy feeling special. 

Chilled out for a bit (translation: five hours) between getting some work done, talking to Peter on the phone (he was up to some naughty business), being weird over Facebook chat with Natalia and Mike, and hanging with Anna for about half an hour since she came for a visit. And then Tordoff's lecture, which was GREAT (except his accent in Greek is terrible). And Dio sat in front of us so I was with all my favourite York people! Well, most anyway. 

Then back home for the same old same old. 

Today was alright... significantly worse though (see my mentioning of snow). History lecture was alright, but it is always just "alright". Did get some work done in the biblio this morning though (but just barely). Tutorial = map quiz, which I raped. And I also handed in a summary for a term paper, huzzah! One down, one to go. 

I'm kind of worried about this history paper I have due next week though. I've done the readings and made notes and stuff, all I have to do is make an outline and write the actual essay... but I am just not really into it at all. Bah. Plus I've got Joe Pedota's wedding this weekend, and somehow I've been conned into working next Saturday morning (the 1st of November) 9am-3pm at the CALEDON EAST Subway. What the fuck. Douchebag takes forever to call, then assigns me to a different store? If I WANTED to work in C.E., I would have fucking applied there. Why don't I have the [figurative] balls to just say, "On second thought, I quit!"

Because I need money. Bought Anna's birthday present - Amanda Palmer ticket - yesterday, which was $26. Leaving me with... oh... probably 25ish dollars in the bank. 

Ridic that I might not even SEE Anna for her birthday BECAUSE I will be working.

I just hate that we need money. But having a job would make things supremely easy for me. I'd never feel bad about getting a fucking hot chocolate like I did today because it'd be my money. And I could control how much cash I have on me... instead of the parents giving me cash and then me itching to spend it. And I could put some away for that trip I want, and for my "nest egg".

Money is indeed the devil...

I should take Peter up on his offer. Move to Thessaloniki, marry him, get free university at AUTh (somehow becoming fluent in modern Greek somewhere in between), and be poor but happy and harmonious etc. 

I just don't think I could ever be happy and harmonious etc. though. 

Flashy!

Everybody's working for the weekend.

!

Well this is a good weekend so far, I think. Friday was an interesting day... I know I fucked up the Latin test. I was more worried yesterday... I've gotten over it by now. I am allowed to mess up two tests without it really having an adverse effect on my GPA. There was just one section that threw me for a loop, for sure. I dunno... a bit nervous, of course.

Greek was good. I love how small that class is, because we can joke and laugh sometimes. We randomly started talking about 300 when we encountered the verb "apoleipein" (to abandon). I got my last two quizzes back as well; 96% on adjectives, 100% on the surprise vocab. Nice! Still have an A+ there haha.

After class I chilled with Natalia, had lunch, and then headed to the Student Centre to get some notes done for The Iliad. I sat down in Treats with a small French vanilla and a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie and went through the first couple of books again. I also bought a volcano taco from Taco Bell because they are great... ate that while waiting for Dad.

Did only a bit of homework when I got home. Tara contacted me at about 6ish (she just had a Reading Week from Nipissing and so was in town) and asked if I wanted to go see a film with her. So we went to Empire for a 7:30 showing of Max Payne. It was pretty good... a little confusing, lots of angry men with guns, typical action really. Took a photo with a James Bond poster. And we got the student deal... admission itself is usually about ten bucks, but for around eleven (including tax) we got admission, regular popcorn, and regular drink just because we showed our university ID cards. 

We got out of the movie at about 9:15, and that was a little early so we went to gallivant around Walmart for a bit before heading home. It was nice to see Tara again, and nice to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. I felt a little bad for the way I did it - I literally said to Mom and Dad, "Tara's picking me up and we're going to see a film, bye." But I just HAD to do it. Or I'd go mad. Usually I'm depressed Saturdays and today I am not; it's probably because I actually went out last night. I'm heeding Barry's advice, really. 

AND I haven't called Subway. Because they haven't called me. And I really don't want to work. Fuck 'em all!

Today we just cleaned a bit and then I started on my homework. Finished up until Book Three of The Iliad, wrote a short paper on part one of A Year in the South for Colin's tutorial, and am now working on flash cards for Latin and Greek.

These flash cards are really a headache though. I'm coding them according to part of speech and chapter... very very tedious. Time consuming. And sooo many cards. I have nowhere near enough. This weekend I want to do 10 chapters worth for Latin and 7 for Greek. That requires about 450. I think I have 200ish. I'll run out soon so I need to finish them tomorrow. Hahaha.

So... yeah. Because I went out yesterday I think I'm okay spending the weekend doing homework. :)

Okay... maybe not. Oh well. Such is life. 

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

It literally has been forever since I have blogged. Well, not literally... figuratively? Since Saturday I think. I've been pretty busy!

Sunday was that dinner at Nonna and Nonno's to welcome Uncle Tony's in-laws into our family. Dysfunction Central. But we smiled and laughed and pretended it was all alright so I don't think the in-laws noticed. *shrug* The food was good at least. 

Monday was family Thanksgiving. With no mashed potatoes. Not very impressed. 

And then Monday night was, QUITE POSSIBLY, one of the worst nights of my life. I could NOT get to sleep. I tossed and turned and dozed but always woke out of the doze... it was so frustrating I really thought I'd cry. I fell asleep at around... oh... 5 a.m. maybe. And I wake up at 6:30. 

Somehow I managed to get through Tuesday's history lecture and tutorial. SOMEHOW. Probably adrenaline considering I hadn't thought of pumping myself with caffeine. I even managed to stay up until 11ish doing my homework Tuesday evening... without feeling tired? It's just unhealthy. I was exhausted and yet I wasn't. And I felt my body temperature rising... like you just FEEL yourself being hot. 

I really don't know how people manage to run on barely any sleep. Maybe it's all the energy drinks and coffee. I'm not straight edge because I drink alcohol, but I'm still pretty against ingesting all that just to be awake. It's not natural.

That night also made me wonder about Peter's health, considering he, like... never sleeps. Maybe an hour or two a night, and that is all he gets. I ended up looking up insomnia online (click title of this blog for more details) and going into major spaz mode because if he's suffering from acute onset insomnia, that means he is having some sort of problem. But he just won't talk to me about it, and Xandros won't talk to him about it, and he won't see a doctor. So I am really kind of stuck. I am just worried that he might be suffering from anxiety or some sort of emotional stress or (HOPEFULLY NOT) a mental disorder resulting in a sleep disorder. 

Honestly, sometimes I hate worrying so much. I am not anyone's "mother". But I can't help worry when people I love are having problems! Oh well. 

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Except that I am worrying about the Latin test, which is tomorrow and I still don't know the third declension. The Greek quiz was alright, I could have done a lot better perhaps... though I'm a little pissed that our adjective to decline was αξιος! Of course she'd pick a word containing the letter I cannot write for shit. :) Anyway, Myth tutorial was... interesting. Foreign Danish fucked-up version of Medea and jokes about why Greeks can't use Trojan condoms. Then discussion group was about sex, drugs, alcohol... = fun discussion really, haha. Myth lecture itself alright, very detailed. Intro to the Trojan War. Yay! Tordoff lectures for a full month starting next Monday. In class exam on November 3rd though, ahh!

So You Think You Can Dance was on last night. Kaitlyn's doing really well, I think she was stunning... but her partner is weighing her down, and a lot of people think so. Poor Izaak, but poor Kaitlyn. 

Anyway... I've got a history lecture from 11:30 to 12:30 today and then I'm done for the day. Will probably do some reading in between The Iliad and A Year in the South, as well as some studying for Latin. Really, I am worried about that one. Dative of possession is confusing me. And I don't know the endings for the third declension at all haha. 

Shit shit shit. 

Let's not forget that history essay I have due in a couple of weeks. And that map test on Tuesday in tutorial... that is, if there IS tutorial. CUPE is in strike position. Grand :)

And P.S. after training unpaid on Friday and Saturday, boss from Subway hasn't even called. What the fuck. Unprofessional much? I can't stand that. I can't stand how shitty he is at being a boss... it makes Taco Bell seem normal. I kind of want to go back to Taco Bell which is a mega-shocker, but if I did they'd pay me $8.75 an hour, wouldn't have to train me, AND they always let me take time off whenever I asked because I always asked well in advance and I had a fantastic attendance record. 

Ugh.

Dude, Where's my Catharsis?

Ever feel like your life is a high-speed car chase without brakes?

Yeah. I'm there.

It seems to me that every time I finally get a job, everything else decides to take notice and pile up. Homework, tests, and assignments? Sure, why not! And suddenly all my friends care about me. So now they want to see me. Great timing!

My problem is that when I'm stressed, I don't know where to begin. So I just... don't begin. I can't even seem to make a list because everything is floating around in my brain at once.

• read the two [probably boring] articles for history and write a five-page comparative essay for October 28th
• write two summary papers for history tutorial (but first I must find out which readings qualify)
• study for fucking map test in two weeks
• study for random Latin test on Friday... flash cards? syntax sheets? suicide?
• learn the goddamn third fucking declension in Latin... why must they have five? 
• study Greek adjectives like mad, as well as neuter endings and articles (just after i mastered the feminine and masculine, of course) before Surtees gets the better of me and stops gifting me with A+ on my quizzes
• print out lecture notes and organize folders
• start reading the motherfucking Iliad 

Now add Subway, where I started last night. It wasn't so bad. Actually yesterday was pretty terrible since no one speaks English and therefore I stood around like an idiot. This morning I trained with Mallorie which was significantly better because she could actually tell me what I need to do.

I am just not so keen on this job thing. I'd rather not have one, but I have no money. I just worry for my mental health. I recently had a psych major (Barry) tell me that I am going to go crazy soon. Great. Mom really doesn't seem to care... I don't think she understands how depressing it is to not see your friends and spend all your time doing homework. It's sad that my social life for the week consisted of staying up until 1 a.m. talking to Anna and Peter on MSN last night. 

I maintain that if I lived in Toronto, I would not have this problem. It would fix most of my problems, really. Even if I did have a job there... I could go out and DO something after a shift. Fuck's sakes. 

I just feel really overwhelmed. And cast aside. And I hate that I have to make concessions, like working in a shitty place devoid of professionalism and English... and pay, so far. Or having to take a history course that I really hate a lot. Or not seeing people I love. 

It's, what, a month and a half in? And I'm already needing a nice break.

For now it looks as if my last exam is on December 16th. Two months five days until some sort of freedom! *waves flag half-heartedly*

I think I would just be really happy if I quit my job. It's just difficult to do that when you've just started training. 

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 

Fuck.

Humbug

I was home today. Yom Kippur. Nice! So I went to Hall and picked up my OSSD, my Ontario Scholar Certificate, and my transcript. Went a-visitin' as well. 

First went to see Mr. Lloyd. Embarrassed me in front of his Grade 10 class by introducing me and then reading out all my marks (he took my transcript out of my hand). Some little prick asked, all indignant, "Is that Applied?" My answer was really laced with poison haha... I said, "No. Academic. I'm in university right now."

Then I went to see Mr. Reist. Ahhhh I love that man! He introduced me (as one of his "Charlies" who was in the class since Grade 10 and a voracious reader etc... love him!) and didn't embarrass me and let me talk a bit about what I'm doing at York. Then he told me to write something in Greek, so I gave him ανθρωπος, which I guessed [correctly] that he'd enjoy. And the class seemed thoroughly astounded by the lovely Greek alphabet. Which has really grown on me, despite my daily struggle with ξ. Also they seemed amazed that I was even learning Latin and Ancient Greek... Jeff Duke's in the class (Kaitlyn's boyfriend now, aw... didn't see that one coming) and when I told him that it was like doing Extended French he looked a little shocked! Anyway, they're reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower in Independent Lit so I brought my copy from when I read it in Lit and sat myself down beside Justin (whom I also love a lot and missed a lot and was so happy to see) to listen to the discussion for a little while. Once the class was over I talked to Reist a bit... told him I'd visit in December perhaps. We went out into the hallway to wait for Kennedy because I wanted to say hi, and Reist passed by again and asked me for a hug. Aw! LOVE HIM! I will def go back and visit ASAP.

Saw Kennedy for a bit, but she had a class in the library to teach. Went to find Lloyd again because he told me to go back to see him on 3A and he wasn't there. Ran into Melanson on my way to the foyer to meet up with Justin again and she SPAZZED! I miss her haha... she wasn't too pleased that I'm not taking French in favour of Latin and Greek! I told her I'd visit too.

I spend the last twenty or so minutes just chatting to Justin. It was nice, like old times! I miss him a lot.

Anyway so then I came home, was miserable, and did a bunch of work. Did a Latin lesson, copied my tutorial notes from Colin into my notebook, and labelled a world map to study for the stupid map test in two weeks. I kind of wanted to start on those term papers for Colin's tutorial but I haven't. Maybe soon... I also want to finish Zorba the Greek soon, and I have to start The Iliad for two weeks from now. And I should do a lot of Greek review this weekend since Surtees is off to Baltimore and there's no class tomorrow. (P.S. 100% on Monday's quiz! There was a pop quiz yesterday though... I think I aced it at least) So much to do! AND I start training tomorrow night, AND Corey and Megan invited me bowling Saturday evening, AND Lew wants to get together on the 1st. And then of course Joe Pedota's wedding on the 25th.

Oh and Thanksgiving. Not to mention that my new aunt Marina's parents are in town from Mexico and apparently we have to go see them Sunday.

I like them though. They're cool. Met them yesterday at that restaurant. Uncle Tony and Marina got married at 4ish at Mississauga city hall (missed that because of class) and then we went for dinner at a great place on Dundas St. West called Thyme for Pizza and Pasta. I had the Lingune Diavolo... not recommended for those with sensitive tongues! It was a good night though, Marina looked beautiful and like I said, her parents were very nice. It was a really long night though... Wednesdays are my busiest days and I had to go straight from school to dinner.

I also missed Kaitlyn dance last night. Fack. Mikey taped it for me though, and I still voted. People tell me she did very well. Tonight's the first results show... nervous! I hope she gets through to next week. 

Anyway, just stressed overall. Well, not really stressed... maybe overbusy!

We're gonna burn this city, burn this city...

Why do I have Franz Ferdinand in my head? I don't know. Classical music is playing right now (I am in York Lanes).

Feeling significantly better today as I actually got about six and a half hours of sleep as opposed to the three from Sunday night. Still I am ready to down this large coffee from this café which is steadily becoming a great place, except right now there are annoying people at the next table.

And an attractive scholarly one two tables away who is distracting me from this reading.

Yes haha I did not even read those thirty pages. Well I have about twelve left. I blame Mauro for turning up yesterday afternoon. It was nice though, we talked for about an hour. He had mono last week, bless him for soldiering on. He is actually a lot smarter than I originally thought.

Lecture yesterday for Myth (run by Fisher) was pretty excellent. Medea is pretty great, plus I was sitting with Natalia and of course with Michael (!) whom I am really enjoying! He is a classics nerd like me, it is nice to know that I am not alone.

Called Ray. Start training Friday afternoon. Ugh. Not looking forward to unpaid labour! Even if it is only training.

If I had money, though... I mean, right now... life would be a lot easier. Also I could move into an apartment in the Village for $150 a month with Edie and Anna. Maybe next year. I maintain that it would be highly convenient for me to live down here. 

Lecture in two hours. About the industrial revolution. Ahahaha fun... not at all. At least I finally bought that last book by Stephen Ash and finally have all I need for all my courses. 

Anyway I should get to this reading. Computers are distracting and I have to save my battery for lecture. 

P.S. Tudors tonight, yes!!

The sun is in the sky

Eesh. Four days since my last blog. I can barely remember that far back!

Well Friday was alright, obviously. Why wouldn't it be? Ray from Subway didn't end up calling me, but told Mallorie to tell me to call him today so that's what I'm doing.

Saturday I had the usual weekly breakdown. No big deal, haha. I wrote a long angry poem thing... which isn't so bad, I'm quite glad that I've done some poetry finally. I haven't in years. 

Yesterday I also did shit all. Study, read, repeat. It was a better day than Saturday though.

I finished my Apollo essay! Very happy. Kind of. To be honest, my conclusion is shit. However I am kind of past caring by now. I'd like to think that the body of the essay is a little more important.

I got my Greek quiz from last week back today. I thought I had fucked up majorly but I got a 95. Hahaha. And the quiz today went great. Yay for maintaining an A+! 

I have to read thirty pages for my history tutorial tomorrow. Fack. I think I will do that now... I don't have class until 4:30. Buuuut really I am just not in the mood to read that right now. I really want to finish Zorba the Greek... but I don't have it with me anyway. 

Whatevs. I should put away this computer and stop being distracted!

Annoyed!

So today I am really realizing how ridiculously stupid my schedule is. Having just one class today yet having to be here for hours is just really silly and also annoying. Plus it's the class I don't really like... that could be part of it haha. Oh well. 

Ray from Subway hasn't called me back yet. I don't know if I should be worried or not. I just hope he doesn't call me today and expect me to go in tonight. At least I don't have any homework to worry about though. Having a job is really going to complicate my life, I realized. But I need the money.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this previously, but a school friend (well more like friendly acquaintance but we did have French together for about four years) of mine, Kaitlyn Fitzgerald, auditioned for So You Think You Can Dance Canada. Her audition was on a couple of weeks ago and she made it to Top 200. I was actually madly excited for her, mostly because she is one of the youngest there and yet seemed to have made such an impression. Also because she is actually a really great and genuine person and I think she deserves the chance at this. Anyway I decided to watch it last night as they narrowed it down to Top 20. And didn't she make it into that Top 20? Of course, haha!!! (A word of note: Emanuel Sandhu, gold medal figure skater, was in the competition and he did not make it into Top 20 - ha!) So she's going to be on the show now, which is amazing. I'm so happy for her, but I'm just realizing how creepy it might be for her. There are people on this forum thing that have a topic about her and they found her MySpace and copied and pasted this survey of hers from two years ago or something and they're judging her a bit for some of the things she may or may not have done. Really I don't think that's fair. But such is life when you're on national television I suppose. At least she seems to have a few fans! Kind of pissed that I'm missing the show next week (Uncle Tony and Marena are getting married), but I'll probably tape it and watch it Thursday. So good luck to Kaitlyn! I will always remember her choreographing a dance for us in Grade 10 gym class... and I don't think Varnam ever asked us to dance it in the end.

On Monday as I was leaving York Lanes (about to meet up with Anna), I saw Camille Belair (from de Sales, my elementary school). At first I wasn't sure it was her because I haven't seen her in four years, but I did get around to sending her a message and it was. She's majoring in sociology here. Funnily enough, I ran into her today in the bathroom! We talked a bit... she seems more introverted than before. Apparently Yvonne is here at York too. Bit of a reunion really!

I have to finish my essay on the Hymn to Apollo sometime soon. I finished talking about history... and I'm already at 860 words. Fuck. I always have this problem. The instructions said it should be 1250 but I have no idea if that's a minimum or a maximum. I also have to read Medea at some point. And I don't know if I'm working at all this week. And I didn't even look at my Greek or Latin books yesterday, I'm going to be rusty tomorrow!

Oh well. I should stop writing and probably get started on Medea haha. 

High Holy Days

Shana tova! to any Jews who ever stroll past here. And also, thank you!

Yesterday was Rosh Hashanah. I think. Or was that today? Well either way, I didn't have school yesterday and I don't have it today either. And so I thank the Jews for having a lovely random holiday and I hope they are all enjoying themselves. 

I've spent today working on my Hymn to Apollo essay. It could be going better. I've got another 900 words (give or take) to work with still. Just an introduction and a brief description of the plot of the Hymn so far. I think I might go over, but I am trying not to. It's actually really difficult to write this essay since the topic is a little vague. How can I explain the importance of anything to our understanding of Greek myth if I don't even know what that understanding is? Oh well, I can give it a shot. We'll see how it goes. I'm hoping it goes well though... it is worth 10% really.

Monday was... Monday. Haha. I was exhausted for some reason. I got my Latin test back though. 91%! Yessss. I am proud of myself despite two ridiculously stupid mistakes. Then I went to Greek class and likely fucked up my quiz considering I still don't know where accents go on μοιρα. Not so concerned though, it is one quiz of many. After having lunch with Mom I headed to the Bennett Centre for a seminar thing on exam prep. I couldn't find the room, because it does not exist. I do not understand. So I just didn't go. I didn't tell my mother though haha. Whatever, there will be more seminars anyway. Instead I grabbed a coffee at the little coffee place at York Lanes again and did my entire Latin lesson. Anna showed up at 4ish, bought a sub, and then came with me to Myth lecture. Poor Tordoff was losing his voice and I didn't get to introduce her to Dio but it was still a great time.

Hm, what else? Oh, yesterday I opened my savings accounts at Alterna. I am very happy about it. I also registered so I could vote. I'm doing it this weekend at the early vote. NDP!

Anyway, I should get back to the essay. I have French fries though. I wanted some so I made them.