Shane Fair

I figured I would leave a blog post until tomorrow since I planned to do absolutely nothing today, but I wonder when I will have time since I am apparently going to Hall with Tara tomorrow, and I start work on Tuesday (!).

Before I go into anything trivial though, I will stop to have a paragraph of... er... mourning? Well, I don't know.

A York student, 19-year-old Shane Fair, went missing two weeks ago after the Calumet College Formal. York was in a panic. Signs up everywhere and most people paying attention - myself included - wanted so badly for him to be found safe and sound. We weren't so lucky. His body was pulled from Lake Ontario last night.

I didn't know Shane, but I am devastated. It feels so empty when a whole group of people has banded together to hope for something and all hopes are suddenly dashed.

Rest in peace, buddy.



In other news:

• Yesterday was Emilio's Confirmation party, which went insanely well. Joe's food was top notch and everyone enjoyed themselves. I even had too much to drink, but it still wasn't enough.
  
• I got an A+ in Ancient Greek as a final grade. Yeah, I know. Completely unexpected.
• I dropped off my uniform at Subway and picked up my last cheque. Official severing of all ties complete!
• I packed up all my first-year books and stored them in the basement. Will need a few of them again next year though.

I think that's it.

I feel sad.

:(

And by leaving we don't stop living you know

Well, fare thee well, fare thee well, fare thee well.

I like that song.

Anyway, HELLO! It is Friday.

My brain's weird today. Life is just completely bowled over since I am now finished first year and I am, therefore, at home, and not at York.

Wednesday's Latin exam went really well. I think. I finished it in 40 minutes, and the 3% bonus was to translate the first two lines of Catullus 5. Fingers crossed for an A+? I also got my Horace assignment back and I got a 90 on that so, yay.

Result of being finished: drowned myself in season 3 of the Tudors Wednesday evening. I also got a haircut.

Yesterday was Emi's Confirmation so we were very busy cooking and baking for when people came over after the church thing. Everything went alright and it was very nice, but I realized how much I really hated Catholicism while we were actually at the church.

First off, I hadn't been to that parish since my own Confirmation about five years ago. Secondly, the new priest? I thought he was alright the one time I saw him at Hall (you know, that one time I actually didn't skip liturgy in Grade 12), but yesterday evening I realized how much I really don't like him. He is so gimmicky. Even the music grated on my nerves. It was too upbeat and poppy.

I get what they're doing. Church is losing followers, so they're trying to make it "fun". That's LAME. Lame lame lame. Be real. Be fucking real. From an objective perspective, the archaism is what can make the Catholic Church beautiful. Poppy Alleluias? Fuck you. That's not beautiful. It's not going to stir passion in anyone. Hymns can make ME cry when sung PROPERLY.

So much of it is bullshit. And Father Larry getting mad at people for not singing. Ridiculous. The grim faces of the men handing around the collection baskets, looking so intimidating. Oh yes, and, "Do you reject Satan, Prince of Darkness?" What? What is this? An Ozzy concert? PLEASE.

I am totally done with Catholicism. After gaining the Gnostic viewpoint, nothing seems so ridiculous as Catholicism.

Well anyway, the official reception for the Confirmation is tomorrow afternoon. We've got a lot to do today but for now I am doing nothing. I wanted to go to the ROM today, but Mom isn't going to work. I wanted to go to Hall today, but there's too much to do. I don't have much vacation this summer because I start work either next week or the week after, but it seems that most of it isn't going to be spent on myself. *Sigh*

What else? Today's one year since Peter left. I don't really know how I feel about that but something hurts. I do miss him. And I miss us. I wish things hadn't fallen apart, but I'm too scared to take the chance I've been given to put them back together.

Ah well. Such is life. I need to stop moping about it at some point. Not that I have much chance to with Anna spazzing now that Chris has gone. I understand how she's feeling but she often makes it seem like she is the only person who has ever gone through/ will ever go through such a thing. And I don't think her going to England in September is the best idea. But she can be very determined, so if she really wants to then she will.

Now I'm in a bad mood. Hahaha.

Might go shower now. Or watch the Rammstein DVD I illegally downloaded. Or watch the Tudors. Not sure yet really.

Rape

Yes, rape.

It was committed today from 12-2:35 p.m. at York University in the Tait McKenzie Fieldhouse.

I was the rapist. My history exam was the victim.

YESSSSS.

Music hall essay? 86%!

One sad thing - Colin wasn't there. So I didn't see him at all! The last time I saw him was last Tuesday and I didn't even know it'd be the last time. :(

BUT... I am forever free of History 1050 and I therefore must rejoice.

Er... by watching the Tudors.

Yeah, I've got no friends.

JRM, WTF, LOL

Wow, it's been ages since I've updated?

Okay. Erm.

Classes are over. Obv. Wednesday was a Latin test that I didn't study for, but somehow managed an 85%. Also wrote my final Myth test - not sure about that one as it was a little tricky! Perhaps I pulled off an 80 or something.

Today was the Greek exam. It was awful. Mostly participles. Everyone was freaking out. I'm trying to put that behind me though. There's nothing I can do about it now.

Tomorrow is the 1050 exam. Terrifying. I'm taking a break now though. Problem with this one is that it's not like Latin and Greek - there's no actual MEMORIZING. I already know everything I need to know and it'll just be a matter of recollection.

I'm watching the Tudors right now. I have probably watched this one sex scene between Anne and Henry like six times now because it's very sexy in a femdom sort of way. Yes. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers getting smacked, scratched, strangled, and pinned down. If I could have a wet dream, this would be it.

Speaking of mansubs, Peter is single as of Sunday evening when Xandros threw Anastassia out of the house after she spazzed at Pete and called him a freak after he finally told her he was a masochist. What a closed-minded bitch. Sucks that Patrizia got mad at Xandraki about it since Stassia's her best friend, but she totally deserved that. I'm glad Peter stood up for himself too. Apparently Xandros only woke up because Peter was giving Stassia quite an earful at 3 a.m. Bet she thought all mansubs were wimps, hahaha. LIES. So, yeah. I'm not really sure what's going on between him and I now but there's a weird sort of tension that reminds me of before we got together.

It's a good thing he is not here right now, because I would probably be having a lot of hot angry hurty make-up sex with him à la Natalie Dormer and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers instead of studying for my exams. Hardyharhar.

... it's not my fault he's pretty.

Fucking Emo Boys, and fucking emo boys

What a fucking miserable fucking day. This weather's awful. Ugh. And I was wearing capris yesterday!

Update on my life: It sucks.

Haha no, I lie. Let's think. Last time I updated was last Thursday? Alright.

Friday I went to Anna's because Chris left and she is now a foreign widow as I like to call us. You know, when you're ditched by your lover because they're foreign and need to go back home. Like Aeneas and Dido, but without the suicide. 

Saturday and Sunday was work work work. Saturday was busy. Sunday was not - I didn't make a sub until four and a half hours into my shift. Hahaha. 

I managed to finish the music hall essay over the weekend. Finished it at midnight on Sunday evening, actually... had been working on it from Friday evening, with breaks to go to work obviously. I was so relieved. Not only am I DONE all my papers, but Surtees decided not to give us anymore quizzes or assignments. 

So what do I have left? Finishing up Latin and Greek lessons, doing flash cards, a Latin test Wednesday, and a myth test on Thyestes also on Wednesday. Which is really not so bad at all! 

Then exams... I am frightened. Just for 1050, really. Three-hour behemoth of an exam. I just want a 70 in that course really. A 70 will make me happy. 

This weekend is my last weekend of work at Subway. Huzzah. Except that Susy hasn't gotten back to me in a while about the job in the SAS. I'll perhaps send her an email tomorrow. 

I have a chai latte, because I am very sad today. Yesterday I was just very hateful but today is sad. I feel pathetic and fat and ugly and am shocked I haven't gained any weight in the last three months considering all the stress-eating I've been doing. Earlier this week I ate a fucking POP TART. Scratch that, two of them. Ugh. AND I had Chinese food yesterday for really no reason at all. Like, why? 

Well, I know why. Peter issues, obviously. I don't know how things are working out. They seem fine now, actually. He got accepted to university Tuesday and he called me before he called anyone else. I wonder what that means? I even helped him pick his courses, which are super spiffy. I miss him though. He's in Halkidiki with Xandros and Patrizia and, yes, his new girlfriend. I'm not sure how I feel about that. He said he's going to be, you know, "honest" with her. What does THAT mean? Is he going to tell he's a masochist? I'm sure that will go over well. 

He should just lie and have one of those Normal lives.

So I have a chai latte from Second Cup but even that's annoying because the guy who looks like Peter was working today and I thought that was pretty funny when I was still with Peter, but now that I'm not it's not funny to see him at all. It is just sad. You could tell he was tired and he even got all squinty the same way Peter does when he's been up for a few days. Fuck my life. But the chai lattes are so worth it. 

Lost was on last night. Season finale. So freaking epic, and Sayid didn't die. I am happy. Ish. At least about that.

This Week (yes, Week) started out being rather frustrating. Now it is just miserable. 

I got a thong in the mail. As part of my birthday gift from the Koufises. I am slightly disturbed. Mom said, "Maybe Aunt Adrie thinks you're at the age when you should start wearing them." Ha! I'd rather go commando. Anyway what's the use of having nice underwear when no one will see them? My sex life will be the Sahara desert from now til forever. 

Really a pity, because Peter's hair must be getting longer now, AND he has his nipples pierced. And is probably getting all nice and tanned as I type this.

Thanks, life. Thanks a lot. 

Twilight omens in my life

Wow. It's only been a week and I'm updating again. Am I getting better at this? Yes, yes I am.

So. Um. Let me think. What's been up? Who knows.

I quit my job last Saturday. Indeed. Even though Ray is not here. I told Aruna flat-out. My last day is May 17th. And I swear, Saturday really solidified my decision to leave. Not only was the story kind of messy in an annoying way, but we had to make three large sub platters for 1:30. That's 21 freaking subs. I had to make three whole sets of bread that morning! Scary moment Sunday morning though... totally forgot to turn the chiller on for the meat counter? O_O Luckily everything was still at temp and I managed to get it working as usual. Oof, scary moment!!!

Also, I finished the Aeneid essay over the weekend. Worked on it Saturday and Sunday evenings. Put my final touches on it yesterday.

Monday was beautiful and fantastic. I don't remember much about the actual day but after class I didn't go home. Aunt Mary picked me up and we went out to the Happy Greek for dinner, which was nice. I love Aunt Mary because she's wicked awesome. Then we went down to Kool Haus for the Franz Ferdinand concert! I gots myself a tshirt, rawr. And the show was just... ah. Ah. Ah.

It was amazing.

I haven't been to many concerts, but that was the best. They are SO good live. They sound exactly the way they do on their albums. Maybe even better, because it's so... RAW. You could hear the emotion in Alex's voice during some of the songs. It was just a really great stress reliever. It was so relaxed, everyone was just dancing... This Fire was the final song of the encore and the energy was incredible. EVERYONE was dancing. It was just a stupendous evening. I'm so glad I went. I took videos too, because Emi is in Ottawa with school so he couldn't come. My videos are alright, but I did find some footage taken by other people who were at the concert and theirs are fantastic. So I can relive that night again and again :D

This week has been a little crazy. Handed in the Latin paper, had a Latin test, had a Greek quiz Monday (which I managed to do well on even though I barely studied), weekly Greek assignment, and trying to finish the reading for this essay on British music halls. It's the last essay of the year, and it's due Tuesday. I finished my reading/ research only last night. I JUST came up with a thesis and outline a few minutes ago. Eek. I'm going to have to buckle down and write this thing.

I am really worried about 1050 in general. I am so unsure of this course and of the exam. I wanted a B+ at the end of the year, but I'm not sure I can manage that. I'm at an A now. Well, if I get A+ in both Latin and Greek (for which I am on pace) and an A in 1105 (for which I am also on pace), then a B in HIST 1050 will still keep me at an 8.0 GPA. Obviously I don't actually NEED to be at the 8.0. But I want to be. I want an A average in my first year of university. And, yes, I want that $2000 scholarship again.

So obviously tonight I should work on my essay. But I don't know if I can. This has not been a good week in terms of things to do with Pete. We've been at each other's throats and it's killing me. I've sunk back into that sort of emotionless state I was at before Peter came around. It feels really nice sometimes. To not care. So free. But then I realize that I still love him and it's just not okay. And I wonder, what happened? Last summer our relationship was so chill. I wish we could go back to that. It was in September when everything started to get so dramatic.

It's too late now though.

It bothers me.

We fought over the phone today. Badly. We didn't get anywhere. No progress. But do we even have a goal? What is the goal? What do I want? What does he want?

He wanted to get back together. I was hesitant. I thought I loved someone else. This week, I realized I didn't. But now Peter's got that girlfriend of his, yet I have no idea how he actually feels about her. He complains about her. Should I pity this girl? Because, I do.

I just didn't know what "getting back together" would mean. I still don't know.

It's hard to deal with everything all at once.

On top of this, Chris is leaving tomorrow or Saturday or something, so Anna's going to be a wreck, and she wants consolation. But I am in no state to give anyone consolation. What am I going to say to her? That I know how it feels? Well, first off she won't believe me because she's like that and thinks she's all alone in every human experience even if it's a common one. Secondly, even if she does believe me, what do I say after that? "Yeah, I know how it feels to have to say goodbye to someone you love and watch your relationship disintegrate into something so inconceivably ugly that you could have never imagined things could turn out that way."

I can't do emotion. And I'm almost offended that she'd ask me to at this point.