Fresh Start?

I'm going to skip an intro and go right into the crux of what's going on lately - someone I loved very much hurt me recently, mostly because I hurt him first without meaning to. It's crap. I'm not exactly sure what's going on. I don't know where I stand with him anymore. Everything has been pretty upside down since Thursday. It's a hard cross to bear, especially since this whole issue has resulted in my discovery that I am a cold, closed person. It pains me so much to even write that, because I can't believe that I'm the one who put myself in the position of being so heartbreakingly alone. Why? I have some underlying issues, I know. I'm working on it, but in some respects it could be too late.

Class on Friday was my only incentive to drag myself out of bed. Last night, working on my Latin homework while finally pouring my heart out to Anna about this whole situation quelled my emotions and gave me some stability. For the first night in three nights, I didn't cry myself to sleep. 

I'm thinking that once again, my education is becoming my anchor. Going to school is just my priority. But haven't I run into trouble with that one?

"I can stay if you want me to."

I said no. Of course. Why would I be so selfish and tell him to give up a great education? Because I loved him? Well, I did, and that's why I let him go without doing anything, wasn't it?

I don't know. I never wanted this blog to be about my emotions. Or about this roller coaster ride that my friendship with someone has become. I suppose I can't help it. Blogs are about life. This is part of my life. 

I think I've hurt a lot of people in my lifetime. I'm trying to ignore the fact that this last thing has had an effect on me as well. It makes me feel selfish. I've got this hang-up about being selfish don't I?

I don't even know why I posted today. Just to say, I fucking love school and it is my point in life. Yeah, that's it.